Awakening sleeping beauty is an interesting metaphor. I feel that my spindle was when I started planning my wedding. I had just had an awakening, a feeling of who and what I was. In that moment my husband came into my life. Not to fulfill something, but because I was finally ready. But as I moved into the roles traditionally assigned I lost the strength and assuradness that I had gained. My strength and positions and way of viewing the world became a hindrance to my husband's ministry. But my re-awakening has not come all at once. It is a process slowly emerging. The awesome part is that it didn't happen because of a prince's kiss, but was influenced by the love and acceptance of a husband who would rather have my be my authentic self than the image of what is expected in a given role.
In considering a woman with repose of the soul I am reminded of my midwife. She is such a special person, truly "listens with responsive eyes and smiles". I remember when I finally realized what is was that I so appreciated about this person who had shared such an important event in my life. It was her quiet strength. My meditations have been spent considering how to nurture quiet strength. I am definitely a LOUD strength. I'm coming to terms with the fact that this is part of the past creating my present, and not necessarily in a bad way. Had I not found my voice at an early age I may well have been lost to a cycle of abuse and poor choices. Learning to be strong in a loud way saved me. Now I need to continue to consider when strength is most appropriately loud and when it is strongest in its quietness. This is a lesson that I see continue for a lifetime.
My friend and I were discussing this weekend how healthy choices affect our appearance. Even wrinkles and aging are more prominent if our bodies are not watered and fed appropriately. And of course this means watering and feeding the soul. You can't be a woman with repose of the soul without this inner beauty shining through. And as satisfied with I am most of the time with the woman that looks back at me in the mirror, Marianne Williamson's quote is an honest reflection of most our experiences (including those "incredibly beautiful women" if their interviews are to be believed!):
"Don't you love it when some incredibly beautiful woman like Linda Evans or Cindy Crawford tells us that the real beauty secret is finding your inner light? No shit. But I've done the same things these women have done to find my inner light and while it's true I"m happier, I still don't look like them."
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