It always amazes me how divinely timed is the process. Just yesterday I was catching up on a "Behind the Scenes" Oprah show where she showed her meditation room and went through what she has in the room and how she uses it. I remember thinking how peaceful it seemed, not overly big or overdone, but cozy, inviting to meditation. But I don't have room for what I need now (and I'm serious...1100 square feet with no garage or basement and my big boys...limited space!); can't think of how to create a meditation space. And then the journal takes on this challenge. A sacred space is just that, space. Not an entire room, but just a space. I'm reminded of the home altars that are so important in many cultures and religious beliefs. The home itself may be very humble, but there is attention and purpose in identifying and creating a sacred space.
So I started to think about what could be a sacred space. There are 3 options. A corner in my living room that I have eyed for a reading chair with light and side table, a small corner in my bedroom, or the nightstand beside my bed. All would work, but I do want to begin to use it as a meditative space. As the living room is our only gathering spot, it would limit my available meditation time. I will probably begin with my nightstand. I already have a yoga meditation book there. I used to keep a beautiful wire and bead basket with a couple of rocks I've collected on top. And at different times there has been a candle. It seems as if I had already made attempts to create a sacred space there. I will now do so with intention. Although, it may not be done this week. Hoping you find a sacred "space", however big or small, as you continue on your journey.
Today I'm sending all of my thoughts of gratitude to my friends the Burr's as they deal with a life-threatening illness. Many long swim days were made not just bearable, but down right fun, having experienced them with Shawn. Prayers and blessings for Shawn, Amanda and the girls.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Commiting to Your Spiritual Awakening
I do believe in spiritual laws or truths as opposed to an absolutist philosophy of one spiritual path. The principle came to my attention while I was still following a traditional spiritual path. The following quote is so true: "If you consciously work to bring more gratitude, simplicity, order, harmony, beauty, and joy into your daily life,your world will be transformed whether you believe a Higher Power is guiding you or not." I had bosses that exemplified this principle. I watch as they openly disagreed with the need for a conversion or spiritual experience, yet worked consciously to live exactly as the quote above says. It is the only office of women that was peaceful; because it was expected, even demanded of us. Conversations that were gossipy or mean-spirited were not allowed. And my one boss had the courage to not just to set this expectation, but be firm enough to call out people when inappropriate conversations had taken place. At first it was a little disconcerting and felt a bit like having a mom, which was funny as all of the other people in the office were her age or older! But there was a security in knowing that the everyone was held to the same expectation and instead of just being an ideal, it was the way our office would function. I apply those same principles with my students in the library. Our intentions behind our words, conversations, expressions create an atmosphere. We must be conscious of what we create, to "set in motion a cycle of good that blesses all concerned". We usually are not aware of how our actions, especially the simple ones, are affecting those around us. Even more reason to live every aspect of our life with intention.
Expressing gratitude today for:
Expressing gratitude today for:
- Choices in the grocery store. So many people around the world do not have choices.
- The ability financially to make those choices.
- Grandmas who make sloppy joes and don't mind big boys filling up space.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Catching up
Swim and finishing up a class have kept me away. So we're catching up on the weekend! Hoping for at least one, if not two, state times today.
Gotten your attention: I laughed when I read this encouragement from Sarah to either keep going on the journey, get reconnected if you haven't made the time. Or sign off and try again later. That's what I had done the day before. Mumbling about not understanding the exercise, or wanting to do it, but doing it anyway. Kind of like taking bad medicine that you hope will make you better. So, I'm committed. Task complete.
Reordering priorities. To me this references the biblical Proverbs 31 woman. This proverb details how accomplished is a woman committed to her path. For anyone who hasn't read this proverb I encourage you to do so. But in the context of the lesson on reordering your priorities. I believe that the secret to a successful woman is that you CAN do it all, you just can't do it all at the same time. There are seasons. I could not do my job the way I do it if my son were younger or if I had had the 6 children that I wanted. There is only so much to go around. This reinforces the importance of making time to be still, contemplative, meditate and personally rejuvenate. Without these tools (and sometimes even with them) we will miss the timeliness of shifting in our priorities. Five years ago I would not have been able to start my work day @ 6 a.m. Ten years from now I may not be able to keep up with hours of additional work on nights and weekends. But if I prioritize correctly I can still be effective, in both choosing my priorities and accomplishing what is necessary. If the past is any indication, early morning swim drives will be over before I'm ready.
Real Life Begins With Reference: I have never asked my husband if he "minded" me going away for a night or weekend. If he were the type of man who minded I wouldn't be married to him. I remember serving as President of the distance learning student government when Bennett was a toddler and having University woman asking how I got my husband to let me leave my two-year-old at home so I could fly to Washington State. My husband is perfectly capable of parenting! Sometimes as women I think that we don't give men credit, or opportunity, to step up and be effective parent. Of course they don't do things the way we do, that's why they need us ;) Doesn't mean they aren't capable (for short periods of time!). To me being inside beautiful walls do not inspire reverence. I feel that way when I'm out in nature. The trail in my little town is my happy place. The kingfisher calling out at the beginning of the walk. The snakes and turtles sunning themselves in early spring, the coyote napping in the winter. I become refocused and reenergized with hardly any thougtht. Nature is my cathedral. I don't worship nature, it is my conduit to revererent intention. Where are you brought to a place of reverence?
I'm grateful today for:
1. dinner with friends, old and new
2. a warm shower
3. Excedrin (without which this blog would not have been possible today!)
Gotten your attention: I laughed when I read this encouragement from Sarah to either keep going on the journey, get reconnected if you haven't made the time. Or sign off and try again later. That's what I had done the day before. Mumbling about not understanding the exercise, or wanting to do it, but doing it anyway. Kind of like taking bad medicine that you hope will make you better. So, I'm committed. Task complete.
Reordering priorities. To me this references the biblical Proverbs 31 woman. This proverb details how accomplished is a woman committed to her path. For anyone who hasn't read this proverb I encourage you to do so. But in the context of the lesson on reordering your priorities. I believe that the secret to a successful woman is that you CAN do it all, you just can't do it all at the same time. There are seasons. I could not do my job the way I do it if my son were younger or if I had had the 6 children that I wanted. There is only so much to go around. This reinforces the importance of making time to be still, contemplative, meditate and personally rejuvenate. Without these tools (and sometimes even with them) we will miss the timeliness of shifting in our priorities. Five years ago I would not have been able to start my work day @ 6 a.m. Ten years from now I may not be able to keep up with hours of additional work on nights and weekends. But if I prioritize correctly I can still be effective, in both choosing my priorities and accomplishing what is necessary. If the past is any indication, early morning swim drives will be over before I'm ready.
Real Life Begins With Reference: I have never asked my husband if he "minded" me going away for a night or weekend. If he were the type of man who minded I wouldn't be married to him. I remember serving as President of the distance learning student government when Bennett was a toddler and having University woman asking how I got my husband to let me leave my two-year-old at home so I could fly to Washington State. My husband is perfectly capable of parenting! Sometimes as women I think that we don't give men credit, or opportunity, to step up and be effective parent. Of course they don't do things the way we do, that's why they need us ;) Doesn't mean they aren't capable (for short periods of time!). To me being inside beautiful walls do not inspire reverence. I feel that way when I'm out in nature. The trail in my little town is my happy place. The kingfisher calling out at the beginning of the walk. The snakes and turtles sunning themselves in early spring, the coyote napping in the winter. I become refocused and reenergized with hardly any thougtht. Nature is my cathedral. I don't worship nature, it is my conduit to revererent intention. Where are you brought to a place of reverence?
I'm grateful today for:
1. dinner with friends, old and new
2. a warm shower
3. Excedrin (without which this blog would not have been possible today!)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
God is in the details -Ludwig Mies VAn Der Rohe
Funny, I had always heard that idiom as the "devil is in the details". And that is exactly how I felt about the exercise today. I continue to struggle with the seeming contradictory messages of learning to be present and live simply with exercises that require purchases or a lot of thought and consideration to the "things" that we desire. I'm persevering through the exercises believing that there is something to be learned even if I don't get it right now. The exercise today involves listing the 20 specifics you must have in your dream home (money no object of course!). Included are empty drawers for you to fill and bare kitchen cabinets. There are 2 problems I have with this exercise. First, it will have me focusing on all of the things I don't have instead of being grateful for what I do. Second, I'm too eclectic to decide between a pottery mug or a paper-thin china teacup for my morning tea. The truth is, I'm both! And need to have an unfussy space that allows me to feel comfortable having both in my kitchen.
I am willing to look at the things that are considered strong symbols of a life in progress. The soap in the bathroom: organic or natural with a fruit fragrance (NOT anti-bacterial). The flowers in the garden: more tomatoes than flowers (heirloom varieties); the exception is my grandmother's peony bushes that are close to 60 years old (these are probably my favorite possession). The book on my bedside table: there is never just one! Usually I have a cheesy romance novel and a young adult selection. Currently these selections are Will Grayson Will Grayson (YA lit) and Then He Kissed Me by Christie Ridgway. That doesn't include the shelf on my nightstand. There you will find Rodney Yee's The Poetry of Yoga, a meditation book, and REALLY cheesy romance novels that no one else is willing to read. Feel free to discuss what these details mean about my authentic self!
Grateful today for:
I am willing to look at the things that are considered strong symbols of a life in progress. The soap in the bathroom: organic or natural with a fruit fragrance (NOT anti-bacterial). The flowers in the garden: more tomatoes than flowers (heirloom varieties); the exception is my grandmother's peony bushes that are close to 60 years old (these are probably my favorite possession). The book on my bedside table: there is never just one! Usually I have a cheesy romance novel and a young adult selection. Currently these selections are Will Grayson Will Grayson (YA lit) and Then He Kissed Me by Christie Ridgway. That doesn't include the shelf on my nightstand. There you will find Rodney Yee's The Poetry of Yoga, a meditation book, and REALLY cheesy romance novels that no one else is willing to read. Feel free to discuss what these details mean about my authentic self!
Grateful today for:
- A reliable vehicle to transport me to work (and swim boys to wet spots around the state!)
- Creative energy from collaboration
- Meaningful conversations with my son
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Excavating-part deux
Ok, I'm gonna go digging. But it's gonna be brief and I'm not happy about it. I figure if there is so much emphasis on the activity there may be something I'm missing by not participating. So, here goes. Returning to my childhood home is my version of being sent to hell. Not sure I believe in the literal hell, so this is definitely my version. I remember pretty white curtains with blue flowers in my bedroom (which I shared with my sister). The walls were a pretty blue that was painted over layers of old wallpaper that was peeling in spots. There was a big hole in the ceiling in the kitchen area, rending it unuseable, especially during a hard rain. You had to pass this area to get to the washer and dryer. The floor was so bad that the neighbor girl literally fell through the floor up to her knees one morning before school. Embarrassing. And that was just the physical reality. My childhood experience, including the home, was not as difficult as many, but something no child should have to experience. It's why I worry about the slow progress of remodeling in my current home. Does the lack of trim as we wait for the next phase embarass Bennett as I was embarrassed? I hope not.
I don't remember admiring or envying other girls in my teenager years except for the semblance of normalcy that allowed them to carry themselves with an assuredness I'm still not sure I possess. It was never about their clothes, or houses or vacations. There is something about the lack of worry for the basic things in life that guarantees success in social settings and the general world. This is something I remember as I deal with my students every day. Many of them are in much worse situations that I was. What I do know came from that long buried experience is a sense that I would have a very different life. In many ways I have succeeded. While it has meant relinquishing my childhood faith, loss of close family relationships and a bumpy journey down my path it has also given me a strength of character and purpose that I don't know I would have had otherwise.
I'm still not sure that this excavation was necessary. I drove through my old hometown with my husband and son yesterday, probably giving me the courage to proceed. It's the first time I can remember not getting sick to my stomach as I drove through. I was able to point out old friends houses, where I went to school, the little league park where I spent so much time. There were some good things. But the good thinks occurred while I was pretending that my reality was that of a normal small town girl. I even created my good times based on belief of what could and should be. There is a resilience in the hope that my younger self carried forward that I continue to look to for inspiration. If Seigfried could do it, I guess my journey was not nearly as difficult. Hoping that you're excavation reveals a beautiful tile mosaic you didn't remember existed. I'm still looking for mine.
Grateful today for:
1. A sister who can relate (even if she doesn't want to excavate either!)
2. A glass is 3/4 full perception of life (I'm more than a little polyanna at times)
3. A husband who can whip up dinner while I'm finishing coursework I had forgetten was due.
I don't remember admiring or envying other girls in my teenager years except for the semblance of normalcy that allowed them to carry themselves with an assuredness I'm still not sure I possess. It was never about their clothes, or houses or vacations. There is something about the lack of worry for the basic things in life that guarantees success in social settings and the general world. This is something I remember as I deal with my students every day. Many of them are in much worse situations that I was. What I do know came from that long buried experience is a sense that I would have a very different life. In many ways I have succeeded. While it has meant relinquishing my childhood faith, loss of close family relationships and a bumpy journey down my path it has also given me a strength of character and purpose that I don't know I would have had otherwise.
I'm still not sure that this excavation was necessary. I drove through my old hometown with my husband and son yesterday, probably giving me the courage to proceed. It's the first time I can remember not getting sick to my stomach as I drove through. I was able to point out old friends houses, where I went to school, the little league park where I spent so much time. There were some good things. But the good thinks occurred while I was pretending that my reality was that of a normal small town girl. I even created my good times based on belief of what could and should be. There is a resilience in the hope that my younger self carried forward that I continue to look to for inspiration. If Seigfried could do it, I guess my journey was not nearly as difficult. Hoping that you're excavation reveals a beautiful tile mosaic you didn't remember existed. I'm still looking for mine.
Grateful today for:
1. A sister who can relate (even if she doesn't want to excavate either!)
2. A glass is 3/4 full perception of life (I'm more than a little polyanna at times)
3. A husband who can whip up dinner while I'm finishing coursework I had forgetten was due.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Becoming an Archeologist
At this part of the journey, the role we are to assume is that of an archeologist, digging into our past in order to become more self-aware. I've already mentioned that this is difficult for me...digging before about 15 or 16 just isn't worth going through. Growth has occurred as I now am able to embrace that part of my life as essential to the creation of who I am today, but I just don't want to go through it again. I've made peace and moved on.
But an experience yesterday has my reconsidering. Not necessarily the need to revisit that time, but the significance of how I deal with that past. And being open that at some time it may need to be revisited. As a family we went to the Holocaust Memorial Center in West Bloomfield. As Bennett is studying WWII right now, it seemed a good thing to do during break. I have heard survivors speak before, having hosted virtual field trips in my media center and there is nothing more moving than hearing a first person account. We were told that there would be no survivor at the museum, but went in time to take the official tour. Seeing the numbers associated with each country is mind boggling. Most astounding to me is only 77 lives lost in Denmark, proof that taking a stand does make a difference. At the end of the guided tour we were taken back to the lecture room and introduced to a survivor. A survivor who was willing to tell his story. Watching an 80-year-old man who was separated from his mother and father at age eleven, shipped through 4 different countries to arrive in the U.S. where no one wanted him...it's painful with my 14-year-old son next to me. I can't imagine him facing what this man had to endure to survive. With a steady, clear voice that belied his small stature we were given a factual account of his experience. He only faltered twice, each time as he recalled his parents.
At the end he took questions and began talking about how he was able to move past his experience and become a very successful lawyer with a large, loving family. He talked of compartmentalizing his experience. He feels that this is why he has been more successful at moving past his experience than his older brother. Yes it happened to him. Yes it was horrible. But that part of his life is over. He chooses to move forward and focus on what he was able to accomplish and the reality of his life now instead of the horrors of the past. As my husband pointed out on the way home, it is obviously his coping mechanism. And perhaps also mine. For a man who attributes his success to his ability to move the past to a compartment outside of his current reality to then open that compartment and make himself vulnerable by sharing the experience with a group of strangers is humbling. I am grateful and overwhelmed. And I will take that example and draw strength and courage from him when it is time for me to do the same. I guess that I have begun excavating! What are you digging up?
Grateful today for:
1. Survivors (of many kinds) who exhibit resilience and the strength of the human spirit
2. the return of winter (without a snow day!)
3. technology that allows me to safari and share and so many things that wouldn't be possible in a different format
But an experience yesterday has my reconsidering. Not necessarily the need to revisit that time, but the significance of how I deal with that past. And being open that at some time it may need to be revisited. As a family we went to the Holocaust Memorial Center in West Bloomfield. As Bennett is studying WWII right now, it seemed a good thing to do during break. I have heard survivors speak before, having hosted virtual field trips in my media center and there is nothing more moving than hearing a first person account. We were told that there would be no survivor at the museum, but went in time to take the official tour. Seeing the numbers associated with each country is mind boggling. Most astounding to me is only 77 lives lost in Denmark, proof that taking a stand does make a difference. At the end of the guided tour we were taken back to the lecture room and introduced to a survivor. A survivor who was willing to tell his story. Watching an 80-year-old man who was separated from his mother and father at age eleven, shipped through 4 different countries to arrive in the U.S. where no one wanted him...it's painful with my 14-year-old son next to me. I can't imagine him facing what this man had to endure to survive. With a steady, clear voice that belied his small stature we were given a factual account of his experience. He only faltered twice, each time as he recalled his parents.
At the end he took questions and began talking about how he was able to move past his experience and become a very successful lawyer with a large, loving family. He talked of compartmentalizing his experience. He feels that this is why he has been more successful at moving past his experience than his older brother. Yes it happened to him. Yes it was horrible. But that part of his life is over. He chooses to move forward and focus on what he was able to accomplish and the reality of his life now instead of the horrors of the past. As my husband pointed out on the way home, it is obviously his coping mechanism. And perhaps also mine. For a man who attributes his success to his ability to move the past to a compartment outside of his current reality to then open that compartment and make himself vulnerable by sharing the experience with a group of strangers is humbling. I am grateful and overwhelmed. And I will take that example and draw strength and courage from him when it is time for me to do the same. I guess that I have begun excavating! What are you digging up?
Grateful today for:
1. Survivors (of many kinds) who exhibit resilience and the strength of the human spirit
2. the return of winter (without a snow day!)
3. technology that allows me to safari and share and so many things that wouldn't be possible in a different format
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
At the End of Our Exploring
Catching up! Valentine's was spent with the guys I love instead of blogging and yesterday was spent evaluating presentations. I still read the journal each morning so I can consider the meaning as I go through my day. I didn't have a lot to say about either, so it's just as well.
But today is about slaying dragons. As a librarian and avid reader I can think of many dragon stories, but I wasn't a real fan of fantasy until the Harry Potter series (no comments from my friends about the cheesy novel fantasies often found in my proximity!). Even the Hobbit did not entice me the way the Lord of the Rings series did. (I recall forcing myself to put the book down at 2:30 a.m. while I was student teaching). But I understand the symbology not only in literature but in Asian mythology and New Year's celebrations. What do we fear? Our fears seem to breathe fire; fear can hide a horde treasure of both the literal and figurative kind; and fear can either by hiding in a dark cave or coming swooping in from above without warning.
The point that resonated with me was "the real fear, the one that sends shivers up our spines; the fear of succeeding, of becoming our authentic selves and facing the changes that will inevitably bring". Yikes! As indicated, sometimes it's easier to stick with the familiar than to move forward. I have found that relationships that I once could not have fathomed not having are a distanct memory. And this awareness makes the trip scary. There will be loss. It doesn't matter that what is to be gained is worth the trip, the thought of loss now can be a hindrance. The trick is to honor what once was, to delight in the part it played in our journey without mourning the loss of what had to be. As personal authenticity becomes a reality, others may either find a path more distant than ours or not have the desire, or courage, to join the journey. Sometimes friendships are for a season. And that season can be fondly remembered. Which makes those relationships that remain steady through the journey all the more precious. I"m learning not to judge, either the people or the relationships, but look for what I was to have learned, why my path meandered that way. And send both parties on their way with blessings. The experiences will make the story worth telling.
Grateful today for:
1. a weekend of possibilities
2. my comfortable office chair (Christmas gift from Bennett that I sit in way more than I would like!)
3. Kids that get excited about nature (your kids are awesome Steph!)
But today is about slaying dragons. As a librarian and avid reader I can think of many dragon stories, but I wasn't a real fan of fantasy until the Harry Potter series (no comments from my friends about the cheesy novel fantasies often found in my proximity!). Even the Hobbit did not entice me the way the Lord of the Rings series did. (I recall forcing myself to put the book down at 2:30 a.m. while I was student teaching). But I understand the symbology not only in literature but in Asian mythology and New Year's celebrations. What do we fear? Our fears seem to breathe fire; fear can hide a horde treasure of both the literal and figurative kind; and fear can either by hiding in a dark cave or coming swooping in from above without warning.
The point that resonated with me was "the real fear, the one that sends shivers up our spines; the fear of succeeding, of becoming our authentic selves and facing the changes that will inevitably bring". Yikes! As indicated, sometimes it's easier to stick with the familiar than to move forward. I have found that relationships that I once could not have fathomed not having are a distanct memory. And this awareness makes the trip scary. There will be loss. It doesn't matter that what is to be gained is worth the trip, the thought of loss now can be a hindrance. The trick is to honor what once was, to delight in the part it played in our journey without mourning the loss of what had to be. As personal authenticity becomes a reality, others may either find a path more distant than ours or not have the desire, or courage, to join the journey. Sometimes friendships are for a season. And that season can be fondly remembered. Which makes those relationships that remain steady through the journey all the more precious. I"m learning not to judge, either the people or the relationships, but look for what I was to have learned, why my path meandered that way. And send both parties on their way with blessings. The experiences will make the story worth telling.
Grateful today for:
1. a weekend of possibilities
2. my comfortable office chair (Christmas gift from Bennett that I sit in way more than I would like!)
3. Kids that get excited about nature (your kids are awesome Steph!)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
My Ten year-old self and Loving My Authenticity
Reflecting upon my ten-year-old self yesterday was a challenge. I tend to ignore anything that happened before the age of about 15 1/2. It's like I have a second life. I don't enjoy traveling back to my childhood, but that girl does need love. At ten I was still straddling between two realities, trying to figure out how to maneuver them both. It's a survival mechanism for people in abusive situations. I do remember clearly thinking one night "this can't be real". What was real to me was school. I excelled, I was well-liked...I was normal. I never had to worry about tempers flaring and felt a sense of peace and belonging like nowhere else. It doesn't take a lot of psychoanalysis to figure out that this explains my path to education, in spite of being a determined science student! How else do you go from planning to be the athletic trainer for the Detroit Pistons to being a school librarian? It also explains why I set the bar high for my students. I empathize with their home realities, but I also know that their only chance for a different life, like me, will come through education. Education that leads to opportunities and choice and independence. While I originally thought that my ten-year-old self didn't trust her instincts, I realize that this isn't true. She didn't know how to express her confidence in those instincts yet, but they were the foundation for purposefully following a life path that would be removed from her current reality. And without her I would not be who I am today. Nor would I have the confidence to move forward into what I have yet to become. I like myself at ten, I just didn't like my circumstance. As I am forced to reflect upon that time, it is beginning to be a tolerable exercise instead of a reminder times best forgotten. There is much still to learn, but this part of the journey will be less-visited path. At least for now. What was your ten-year-old self so confident about?
Which made me ready for reflecting on the reality of not completely living up to my potential. That's why I'm still making my way down this path, blogging my way to better understanding. I don't know that I believe that we are ever living to our full potential. For as potential in one area is realized it opens the possibility for more. I don't see this as a negative. Anything that stops growing begins to die. As long as I'm here I'd like to keep moving forward. As a side note, I'm still confused with the mixed messages of not buying and then buying in the journal. Today we're supposed to treat ourselves more generously. Three days ago we were told to stop shopping for those things that weren't needs. I'm going to go with the thought that as we progress more purposefully down the simple abundance path we will find that balance between the desire and attainment of things just to have them and treating ourselves to special items that authentically reflect love and appreciation and bring us joy. Today I'm going to look for a new candle.
Gratitude expressed for:
Which made me ready for reflecting on the reality of not completely living up to my potential. That's why I'm still making my way down this path, blogging my way to better understanding. I don't know that I believe that we are ever living to our full potential. For as potential in one area is realized it opens the possibility for more. I don't see this as a negative. Anything that stops growing begins to die. As long as I'm here I'd like to keep moving forward. As a side note, I'm still confused with the mixed messages of not buying and then buying in the journal. Today we're supposed to treat ourselves more generously. Three days ago we were told to stop shopping for those things that weren't needs. I'm going to go with the thought that as we progress more purposefully down the simple abundance path we will find that balance between the desire and attainment of things just to have them and treating ourselves to special items that authentically reflect love and appreciation and bring us joy. Today I'm going to look for a new candle.
Gratitude expressed for:
- Family breakfast
- Thoughtful friends (you outdid yourself Renee!)
- Time managed well
Friday, February 11, 2011
Divine Discontent
I skipped Feb 9th and 10th because, honestly, I have difficulty relating to the concept of forcing myself not to shop. Ask my sister. I don't buy the things I need more often than not. I actually have the opposite problem (see New year's goal to not reuse tea bags!). Too many years of living frugally have reversed my psyche. I've learned there are few THINGS that I need. The lesson, for the time being is learned.
Ahh, but Divine Discontent. There is something to think about. Previous journal entries discussed the concept of having to turn on the spiritual switch. Most of the entry discusses how this disconnect is an impetus to the process of change. I almost feel as though this is how I began this journey. I truly feel like I had begun the Simple Abundance path, slowly, several years ago. Continuing the path with purpose and a plan has definitely brought to light the connection between areas of discontent and the times, places, areas that I have become out of touch. This applies to so many things. Many of the examples used are a sign. The clothes don't fit when you stopped being active or overeating. Stuff falls on your head when you open the closet door when you don't deal with things as they happen or need to be dealt with. Meals become boring when the effort put into them becomes routine. It is a sign that we are not present in the life that we live. For me, prayer may be the a tool to turning on the spiritual power, but being fully present reminds you that you need to pray.
Being fully present is something that I'm working on. There are many areas where I feel I've accomplished, but not necessarily as a matter of course. Those who know have witnessed my multi-tasking abilities. While this is helpful in my professional day, it has distracted me in my personal life. I am always reading a book, or on the computer, or doing several things at once. It is difficult (ok, it's probably impossible) to be fully present in more than one thing at a time. It reminds me of studying ADHD and especially the misconceptions. We all are distracted, even those of us who pride ourselves in being multi-taskers. The difference is that non ADHD people have the ability to shift away from the distraction in way that seems like we weren't distracted in the first place. So, we just don't get caught! In an effort to be more fully present I went to watch the Superbowl at friends with NO book and NO schoolwork. Honestly can't remember the last time that happened. The experience did not seem that different to me (I really am pretty good at this multi-tasking thing), but I'm certain it conveyed a different message to the people I was with. They are important enough to have my full attention. How are you going to access your own light today?
Today I am grateful for:
1. The promise of freedom, peacefully gained, for the people of Egypt (how will this change our world
2. A full week of school (we have a lot to accomplish in a short time!)
3. Time with my sister :)
Ahh, but Divine Discontent. There is something to think about. Previous journal entries discussed the concept of having to turn on the spiritual switch. Most of the entry discusses how this disconnect is an impetus to the process of change. I almost feel as though this is how I began this journey. I truly feel like I had begun the Simple Abundance path, slowly, several years ago. Continuing the path with purpose and a plan has definitely brought to light the connection between areas of discontent and the times, places, areas that I have become out of touch. This applies to so many things. Many of the examples used are a sign. The clothes don't fit when you stopped being active or overeating. Stuff falls on your head when you open the closet door when you don't deal with things as they happen or need to be dealt with. Meals become boring when the effort put into them becomes routine. It is a sign that we are not present in the life that we live. For me, prayer may be the a tool to turning on the spiritual power, but being fully present reminds you that you need to pray.
Being fully present is something that I'm working on. There are many areas where I feel I've accomplished, but not necessarily as a matter of course. Those who know have witnessed my multi-tasking abilities. While this is helpful in my professional day, it has distracted me in my personal life. I am always reading a book, or on the computer, or doing several things at once. It is difficult (ok, it's probably impossible) to be fully present in more than one thing at a time. It reminds me of studying ADHD and especially the misconceptions. We all are distracted, even those of us who pride ourselves in being multi-taskers. The difference is that non ADHD people have the ability to shift away from the distraction in way that seems like we weren't distracted in the first place. So, we just don't get caught! In an effort to be more fully present I went to watch the Superbowl at friends with NO book and NO schoolwork. Honestly can't remember the last time that happened. The experience did not seem that different to me (I really am pretty good at this multi-tasking thing), but I'm certain it conveyed a different message to the people I was with. They are important enough to have my full attention. How are you going to access your own light today?
Today I am grateful for:
1. The promise of freedom, peacefully gained, for the people of Egypt (how will this change our world
2. A full week of school (we have a lot to accomplish in a short time!)
3. Time with my sister :)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
An Artist Is......You are an Artist
Excuse my lack of post Monday, I had to put myself in time out! Won't be discussing THAT today.
Take a risk day. I'm a rule follower. By that very trait I eliminate most risk. When was the last time that I did something risky? Can't remember. Maybe my marriage, but that's been too long to be consider a risk any longer. I think I can safely assume that risk paid off :) So I'm looking for my "stroke" and assuming it will not be a bold one, but just a start. Maybe this blog was my biggest risk. One friend, after reading the first post, told me I was brave. I guess when I think about all the things I censor what remains to be posted no longer feels risky. Toward the end of the lesson Sarah discusses that by building an authentic life for myself and those I love is my art. What else have I created? I need to think in terms of contributions instead of things, because I get distacted from my task when I think about making things. (Although, I have made a couple of nice quilts!). I love to create healthy, but good tasting meals for my family. Setting the table with my Christmas dishes and homemade love is my creation of love.
Most of my art is created at work. I become energized with the exchange of ideas and goals. I have a choice right now, as an educational professional; I can focus on the criticism of the career and worry about the potential changes to my livelihood because of technology and government restructuring. Or, I can be proactive and influence the necessary change. I'm also a parent. I want my son, and everyone else's kid, to have the opportunity to achieve their potential because of an amazing education that they've received. So I work on curriculum, and finding resources, and figuring out how to challenge students while engaging them (and getting them to read at least 25 books a year!). Ahh, now that takes creativity. What do you create?
1. Professional opportunities afforded me by working in a small district.
2. Amazing students who achieve beyond any of our expectations.
3. The opportunity to do a job that I love.
Take a risk day. I'm a rule follower. By that very trait I eliminate most risk. When was the last time that I did something risky? Can't remember. Maybe my marriage, but that's been too long to be consider a risk any longer. I think I can safely assume that risk paid off :) So I'm looking for my "stroke" and assuming it will not be a bold one, but just a start. Maybe this blog was my biggest risk. One friend, after reading the first post, told me I was brave. I guess when I think about all the things I censor what remains to be posted no longer feels risky. Toward the end of the lesson Sarah discusses that by building an authentic life for myself and those I love is my art. What else have I created? I need to think in terms of contributions instead of things, because I get distacted from my task when I think about making things. (Although, I have made a couple of nice quilts!). I love to create healthy, but good tasting meals for my family. Setting the table with my Christmas dishes and homemade love is my creation of love.
Most of my art is created at work. I become energized with the exchange of ideas and goals. I have a choice right now, as an educational professional; I can focus on the criticism of the career and worry about the potential changes to my livelihood because of technology and government restructuring. Or, I can be proactive and influence the necessary change. I'm also a parent. I want my son, and everyone else's kid, to have the opportunity to achieve their potential because of an amazing education that they've received. So I work on curriculum, and finding resources, and figuring out how to challenge students while engaging them (and getting them to read at least 25 books a year!). Ahh, now that takes creativity. What do you create?
1. Professional opportunities afforded me by working in a small district.
2. Amazing students who achieve beyond any of our expectations.
3. The opportunity to do a job that I love.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The world: too much with us and remaking our world
The world too much with us at first was very frustrating to me as I had begun my day by visiting a home furnishings store (part of the creative me that I was told to explore!) to then come home and read about the dang.ers of getting and spending. It seems counter-productive. I don't purchase magazines or art supplies or any of the lovely things that were suggested in January because of how I've simplified my life. I don't like clutter, I don't have a lot of storage and I've used technology to balance these problems. So it was a big deal to me to spend a half hour of my day simply observing, touching, looking at possibilities. We were asked to purposefully turn away from the world, especially news. So I did, for Saturday. But I enjoyed my hour with Cristiane Amanpour reporting from Egypt. I am an information specialist for goodness sake! But....I do understand that the Deeper Vibration of the spirit song can only be heard by listening carefully. To do this we must silence the outside world. But this must be balanced with the lesson of being in the world, but not of the world. I believe that this is a personal thing. I can watching the unfolding demand for democracy and Egypt and have the thoughts become a meditation. But if you aren't able to discount and connect with your personal spiritual flow as a result, take a break.
Restoring a sense of rhythm to my life (Feb 6) is something that I have so well in the last 2 years that I think I may need the opposite. We are a family of early risers. Bennett was up working on homework or reading by 6:30 a.m. on Sat and Sun. Obviously I was up to know! Come 9:30 p.m. we're all nodding off. This is a result of our bodies being in rhythm with our early morning commitments for most of the week (car pool leaves @ 5:10 a.m.). What I'm looking for is a weekend night that I stay awake until the crazy hour of 11 and sleep in until 8 a.m.! I need to find my weekend rhythm. Of course, my boys deal with this by taking a nap. Regardless, there will be recognition that all segments of this life are sacred, not only the time that I set aside for purposeful prayer and meditation. I think that looking at the sacred in every experience will alleviate the guilt that many women feel as we juggle all of the things that demand our time. Can't we make the very things that were considered a hindrance to our path a part and process instead? Feel free to share how that can (does?) look and work.
Expressing gratitude this morning for:
1. An unexpected snow storm (it could have been rain!)
2. Family Game Time
3. The freedom to read what I choose and express my opinions (It's great to be a woman in the United States!)
Restoring a sense of rhythm to my life (Feb 6) is something that I have so well in the last 2 years that I think I may need the opposite. We are a family of early risers. Bennett was up working on homework or reading by 6:30 a.m. on Sat and Sun. Obviously I was up to know! Come 9:30 p.m. we're all nodding off. This is a result of our bodies being in rhythm with our early morning commitments for most of the week (car pool leaves @ 5:10 a.m.). What I'm looking for is a weekend night that I stay awake until the crazy hour of 11 and sleep in until 8 a.m.! I need to find my weekend rhythm. Of course, my boys deal with this by taking a nap. Regardless, there will be recognition that all segments of this life are sacred, not only the time that I set aside for purposeful prayer and meditation. I think that looking at the sacred in every experience will alleviate the guilt that many women feel as we juggle all of the things that demand our time. Can't we make the very things that were considered a hindrance to our path a part and process instead? Feel free to share how that can (does?) look and work.
Expressing gratitude this morning for:
1. An unexpected snow storm (it could have been rain!)
2. Family Game Time
3. The freedom to read what I choose and express my opinions (It's great to be a woman in the United States!)
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The Soul Made Visible
Wow! What chewy material from the beginning today. (Ok, yesterday. I needed to think about this one). My business is not to remake myself, But make the absolute best of what God made". ~Robert Browning. This phrase made the journey seem inevitable, our life purpose instead of a path to find and often struggle to pass. In finding our authentic self it sometimes feels to me that I have had to remake myself. This is obviously not the right approach (although there are several make-over that I'm sure would enjoy getting their hands on my unpolished self ;)).
Just when I start feeling good I encounter prayer. Prayer is a struggle for me. As I have shifted from an evangelical belief system to a more spiritual approach I am left with too many unknowns. I feel uncomfortable approaching prayer the way I have in the past, but I don't feel a connection to a shamanistic spiritual being. So what do I do? Well, mostly I've avoided the process in the last couple of years. My only true connection with prayer was my month with Phoebe (just another way she effected everyone around her in her short time with us). In that time I felt a spirit connection, with her and Spirit, that seemed authentic. But then it became too raw of an experience for me. That is my quest for today. To find my way back to prayer and what that means in practice for me. How do you connect in prayer. Is it a mindfulness? To a spiritual being? Watching Oprah's making of her "Favorite Things" show there was a section about Apple not donating iPads and Oprah struggling because it is truly her favorite thing. In the end, when it came through, she mentioned that as much as it meant for her to have it on her show, it was a thing. And she was not praying for things. Pray for health, safety, loved ones, yes. Things, no. So that's a good start for me.
This morning I'm counting my blessings for:
Just when I start feeling good I encounter prayer. Prayer is a struggle for me. As I have shifted from an evangelical belief system to a more spiritual approach I am left with too many unknowns. I feel uncomfortable approaching prayer the way I have in the past, but I don't feel a connection to a shamanistic spiritual being. So what do I do? Well, mostly I've avoided the process in the last couple of years. My only true connection with prayer was my month with Phoebe (just another way she effected everyone around her in her short time with us). In that time I felt a spirit connection, with her and Spirit, that seemed authentic. But then it became too raw of an experience for me. That is my quest for today. To find my way back to prayer and what that means in practice for me. How do you connect in prayer. Is it a mindfulness? To a spiritual being? Watching Oprah's making of her "Favorite Things" show there was a section about Apple not donating iPads and Oprah struggling because it is truly her favorite thing. In the end, when it came through, she mentioned that as much as it meant for her to have it on her show, it was a thing. And she was not praying for things. Pray for health, safety, loved ones, yes. Things, no. So that's a good start for me.
This morning I'm counting my blessings for:
- Poetry - what beautiful expression
- the neighbor who generously plows out our driveway after every snow
- rabbit tracks in the back yard snow (brown bun's great-great-great-great grandbunnies!)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Discovering Your Authentic Self
The image of my authentic self as positive, upbeat, always smiling, calm and reassuring is who I know myself to be on the inside. I believe that more often than not this is also the way I act, but there are still too many times that my place of existence is not revealing my authentic self. As I reflect on my progress I think about how this has changed how I teach. I've never been a yeller, but I move through situations with a confidence and sense of calm that has students respond in difficult situations. With teens we have to remember that not only are most of them unsure of their authentic selfs, they don't have the confidence to express it if they do. I must remember to apply this to my son. I tend to hold him to a higher standard than the understanding I exhibit for the teens I work with every day! If I still have so much work of my own to do why am I impatient with his learning process?
Being open to change has been the greatest tool in my journey. Life is constantly evolving. In order to be present we must be present in the change. This was difficult for me when I realized that I could no longer be a part of the evangelical church in which I was raised. For me, it did not align with what Marianne Williamson calls "the magnificen possibilities" but instead was the force "that would limit those possibilities". Although the change was the right one for me, I have grown to recognize that that path is not inherently wrong, it just isn't right for me. But now I need to learn to tap into the spiritual energy of the flow of life. When I checked out of one path I withheld myself from reconnecting. So today I will begin birthing the goddess within, being open to the connection that is spiritual although different from what I assumed it would be.
Today I express gratitude for:
1. Juncos at my birdfeeder.
2. The anticipation of an amazing vacation
3. Great chili on snow days
Being open to change has been the greatest tool in my journey. Life is constantly evolving. In order to be present we must be present in the change. This was difficult for me when I realized that I could no longer be a part of the evangelical church in which I was raised. For me, it did not align with what Marianne Williamson calls "the magnificen possibilities" but instead was the force "that would limit those possibilities". Although the change was the right one for me, I have grown to recognize that that path is not inherently wrong, it just isn't right for me. But now I need to learn to tap into the spiritual energy of the flow of life. When I checked out of one path I withheld myself from reconnecting. So today I will begin birthing the goddess within, being open to the connection that is spiritual although different from what I assumed it would be.
Today I express gratitude for:
1. Juncos at my birdfeeder.
2. The anticipation of an amazing vacation
3. Great chili on snow days
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Creative Excursions and Knowing What You Love
And so February begins. January went by fast! Throughout January we were introduced to our authentic self; in February we get to know that self better. As January ended the journal had a list of joyful simplicities for the month. As several were things to do for New Year's Day I think that the monthly list should be at the BEGINNING of the month, not the end. So do something I never recommend while reading, flip to the end! That's right. Be a rebel. For instance, Feb. 2nd isn't just Ground Hog Day, it's also Candlemas. Any good reader of historical romance know that this is an important holiday, often celebrated with a family house party at which to meet an unsuspecting potential mate. To celebrate I'm sitting in my living room blogging only by candlelight, eating old gingerbread and sipping Bengal Spice tea. It's a snow day!
Creative excursions, as suggested in the journal, seem like a lovely idea. I may even be able to find time to do that this weekend. But I'm thinking more about how to develop my creativity. It isn't as if I haven't been creative in my past. When I was a kid I loved to cross-stich and completed a couple of hook rugs, and as I moved into adulthood quilting was something that I learned to love. Not the sewing part necessarily (I still need a lot of help with that!) but the actual hand quilting. I prefer not to dwell on why I no longer quilt, but since that time my creativity has been used in designing lesson plans and instructional delivery of curriculum. My creative juices get flowing, especially as I consider how to use a new technology to meet standards. I think that I do have to begin to do something with my hands, I just haven't settled what it should be. I have a family friend who is a potterer and I have always been intrigued. But I know this is not the right time to begin; that is my future creativity. My sister creates amazing scrapbooks. I know because I am the proud owner of a sister scrapbook that she made for me. While I have successfully completed one page of a scrapbook for Bennett. It's awesome, but too time consuming. I'd rather read. I've tried knitting but I'm a multi-tasker and can't seem to concentrate long enough to count stitches. I may have to think electronically again. If I make a Glogster poster I'll share it!
What I truly love, as far as things, are few and far between. But part of that is because I have concentrated my energy and resources elsewhere. As we begin the next face of maintenance and remodeling I will be looking at colors and textures and all of the options. In my budget! So this weekend I will find a home furnishings store and browse. I will not be intimidated or discouraged at the prices but will appreciate the beauty. Any suggestions of where I could go are welcome!
Expressing gratitude today for:
Creative excursions, as suggested in the journal, seem like a lovely idea. I may even be able to find time to do that this weekend. But I'm thinking more about how to develop my creativity. It isn't as if I haven't been creative in my past. When I was a kid I loved to cross-stich and completed a couple of hook rugs, and as I moved into adulthood quilting was something that I learned to love. Not the sewing part necessarily (I still need a lot of help with that!) but the actual hand quilting. I prefer not to dwell on why I no longer quilt, but since that time my creativity has been used in designing lesson plans and instructional delivery of curriculum. My creative juices get flowing, especially as I consider how to use a new technology to meet standards. I think that I do have to begin to do something with my hands, I just haven't settled what it should be. I have a family friend who is a potterer and I have always been intrigued. But I know this is not the right time to begin; that is my future creativity. My sister creates amazing scrapbooks. I know because I am the proud owner of a sister scrapbook that she made for me. While I have successfully completed one page of a scrapbook for Bennett. It's awesome, but too time consuming. I'd rather read. I've tried knitting but I'm a multi-tasker and can't seem to concentrate long enough to count stitches. I may have to think electronically again. If I make a Glogster poster I'll share it!
What I truly love, as far as things, are few and far between. But part of that is because I have concentrated my energy and resources elsewhere. As we begin the next face of maintenance and remodeling I will be looking at colors and textures and all of the options. In my budget! So this weekend I will find a home furnishings store and browse. I will not be intimidated or discouraged at the prices but will appreciate the beauty. Any suggestions of where I could go are welcome!
Expressing gratitude today for:
- A day home with my boys (I see Ground Hog Day the movie in our future!)
- Maya Angelou's wisdom (I highly recommend you watch her master class on OWN)
- the consideration of words
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