Defining Gratitude

It may be the teacher in me, and a reflection of the creative process involved in transformative education, but today I have been thinking about the definition of gratitude. If embarking on a journey to simplify life through expressions and reflection on gratitude, it seems important to provide a context. Much of my blogging has been focused on identifying ways to live more simply. To me it seems as if a greater connection to gratitude will make living simply, well, simpler.

Psychology Today explains gratitude as the thing that allows us to see a glass as half full; Wikipedia covers psychological benefits as well as personal motivation and links to the philosophers and religion; while Merriam-Webster simplifies it to a state of thankfulness. Most important in these definitions and discussions, I think, is that gratitude is not about THINGS. Although we can be grateful for a reliable vehicle to drive to work, or a home that is comfortable and inviting, it's more about a state of being.  Can we be grateful in the midst of stress, anxiety, grief? I believe we can for I have witnessed such gratitude. At those times I believe gratitude is a reflection of character; a revelation of our true self when there is nothing behind which to hide. The only thing that is left is the choice to see a glass as half-full or half-empty.

So when I list what I am grateful for each day, especially during Lent, I will begin by connecting with how I define gratitude before I give examples. What resonated with me most is that as a state of being, gratitude is certainly something that we can choose. And in a time when it seems as if there are very few elements in life that we can control, it is inspiring to realize how the expression of gratitude
can inform both our intention and our reality.


Today my gratitude reflection was inspired by a Facebook post from Oprah Winfrey. "I delight in simple pleasures in beautiful settings". While I am always grateful for the time I have spent traveling our beautiful country, sometimes we overlook the beauty in nature that is close to home. It's why I find walking and hiking to be so soul refreshing. The opportunity to find the pleasure of a beautiful scene from nature.

To that end I am grateful for the ride to work. I drive by an International waterway, through back roads with beautiful trees and farmland. I'm reminded everyday as I slow for turns on country roads,
or watch a red-tail hawk vigilant in a tree, that I an part of a beautiful, grand plan.

How do you define gratitude? How does gratitude simplify your life?

Inner Peace

Imagelink

I saw this posted by a friend on Facebook today and knew that what I had been thinking about for the blog was suddenly not quite right. Most people will laugh, or at least smile, when viewing this image because of how personally relate able is the subject matter. Yes, we want peace. But it shouldn't interfere with our schedule. I'm reminded of Deepak Chopra sharing with Oprah his constant state of meditation. In all things, he does not lose his meditative practice and focus. Meanwhile, for many of us Inner Peace is an illusion practice. If the "right" formula for inner peace is not shared, and not something that can be accomplished in a short time. Can we truly achieve inner peace if our schedules are so harried that we place this as an achievement or life goal instead of an act . 

Grateful today for my Inner Peace that comes as a result of mindful practice. Even if some days the only reason I see Inner Peace is because I recognize the progress 

Is It Broke or Does It Hurt?

I haven't blogged the last two days, but that doesn't mean I wasn't mulling over gratitude! Work responsibilities and mom duty had me busy but still thinking. Today's thought comes from my son's swim coach. Ken has been a guiding force in Bennett's life for five years and my gratitude for his time, attention and connection not just to swim but to my son as a person is difficult to express. Ken is known for his great words of wisdom that he shares with his swimmers. Today's them comes from an article about one of our club swimmers, who despite serious health issues inspires her team, family and coaches every day. Ken's question to her is "Is it broke or does it hurt"? You see, McKenna has brittle bone disease. And yes, sometimes when she swims she breaks a bone. So Ken needs to know how far to push, when to take a break. Is it broke or does it hurt.

I kept thinking about that phrase over the last two days. Coaching quips are often deeper than they first appear. The first thing that came to me is that we have to truly be in tune with ourselves in order to assess is something is broke or if it just hurts. In how many situations do we need to consider whether the appropriate course is to power through the hurt or if a new strategy is necessary. At what point is something broke? I think that this applies most to relationships. I can't think of any relationship that is meaningful that does not in some way, at some time, involve hurt. When you let people close, they have power. It may not be that they have used this power to do something that hurts us intentionally. Sometimes the connection itself is enough that hurt is shared. When someone you love hurts, it is difficult to not share the hurt.

What about when it's broke. You can't, or shouldn't, tough it out with a break. A break requires a new strategy; an intermission or intervention. Sometimes a break requires moving on. But there are other options. Read McKenna's story that I linked above. Breaks can be repaired. They can be casted (with waterproof casts to allow for swim), set, immobilized, taped. They can heal. What you do while the healing goes on, I believe, is how you demonstrate your character. Breaks hurt. Do they stop you? Change who you are? If you are changed, and many times we will be, is it a change for the better?

I learned a lot from McKenna's story. Mostly about accepting that life is going to hurt. And still smiling. And trying. And swimming. Even when it's broke.

Image link

Today I am grateful for:

1. Trails through woods close enough to provide my nature fix on a regular basis.

2. Stories of special children and their families who are willing to share them.

3. A coach that inspires and knows that whether something is broke or it just hurts, quitting is not an option.

Music in the soul

As I sit in my room, reflecting upon my day, I smile listening to my son sing in the shower. It seems as if he came into this world with a song in his heart that he had to share. Sixteen years later I'm glad he is still connected to the joy he finds in music. It seems like such a simple thing; a child singing. Why, then, does such a simple thing make adults pause and smile, experiencing a second hand joy from the sound.

What is it about a child singing? Not performing, necessarily, just singing from the heart. No regard for an audience. The last two mornings I have enjoyed Facebook postings of a friend whose 3-year-old daughter is nightly entertaining. Mostly, I suspect, for relatives geographically distant. Yet a heart felt rendition of "skinermarink" and "so happy in my heart" at the start of my day is a joyful reminder of all that is good and sweet and pure in this world.

At four Bennett told me "I just have to sing. It's like the music is in my soul". I love that he still knows that soul part of himself. As adults it seems as if we are often looking for that soul connection; with another person, in our spiritual walk, or even reconnecting with our true selves. When did we lose it? How did we become so disconnected from the essence of ourselves. Because really, it can be as simple as a song. So today I am inspired to look for that in my soul that just is and always was. Not over complicated or deep in meaning. Just as simple as a song, sung from the heart of a child.

Tonight I am grateful for the joy found in everyday life through the heart and experience of children (be they big or small). What joy are you finding today?

Why We Give Up Things

As long as I can remember, the practice up giving up a "thing" during the Lenten season has been a spiritual practice. As a children, when my family practiced the Catholic faith, it was part of the ritual of the season. As I've grown older, and my spiritual path has meandered through several mountains and valleys, I often continued the practice. While I haven't given up anything for Lent during the last couple of years, my sister has remained faithful to this practice. I'm annoyed with her choice this year (leaving me on Pinterest? Seriously!) but it has forced me to reflect more fully on the reason why people participate.

The practice of sacrifice of pleasurable things to focus on the spiritual is not new, nor is it limited to the Christian faith. In fact, as I have spent time learning a little about other cultures and belief systems, this is a practice I find to be common in most. The idea is that when you miss the "thing" that you gave up it is a reminder to focus on spiritual renewal. That is the essence of the Lenten practice that I am pursuing with my commitment to blog my gratitude daily. I have connected this way as a continuation of my belief that it is better to spend time and energy promoting what you stand for and believe in instead of fighting against something that you don't.

Forcing myself to not only acknowledge what I am grateful for each day, but to consider the lesson behind my gratitude is a spiritual exercise, moving from the selfish to the selfless, focusing my energy in a celebration of the good. Sometimes not participating in an organized spiritual experience can lead to disconnect from the greater community. Making a commitment during Lent, even if it is a commitment to a practice instead of a sacrifice, is focusing my thoughts daily on being present in order to identify all the pieces of my day for which I am grateful.

For today, I am grateful that I live in a safe place. That when I decide I want to take my dog for a walk for a couple of hours I just do. I don't worry about being out alone as a woman, about fear of kidnapping or political unrest or getting caught in a crossfire. I am blessed. Blessed in my freedoms as an American women.

Did you give up something for Lent? How is it focusing your reflective spiritual practice? Has it made you grateful?

The Things That Matter

Watching my Dvrd Super Soul Sunday (from the OWN network) Nate Berkus interview today has me inspired to blog. Finally. The program was a two-part series, focusing on his design book about your home being a reflection of who you are instead of a decorator's plan. I worked really hard not to look around my house, afraid of the reflection everyone who walks in my house sees! But the book is more than your average design book (of course, or it wouldn't be a two-part interview on SSS!). Woven throughout the book are the stories of the people and experiences, what really matters, that have inspired his design. The second part of the interview was really a discussion of his experience surviving the Tsunami that took the life of his partner. I always get nervous when people talk about loss and the grief process. So many times the answers seem insensitive or create more reasons in my mind why the situation is unique. But when the teaser leading up to the interview was Nate sharing "I don't recognize the person I was before the tsunami". Ahh. That I could get. I watch those that I love, who have lost infants, struggle with this "new normal". The new part is understandable. I think it's the "normal" moniker that's worrisome. How can the feeling of grief, at times crippling, be a norm? A season of grief yes, but to think that the overwhelming feeling of grief and loss will actually become normal. In some ways this thought can perpetuate the feeling of helplessness. That the world will never be right again.

There was the uncomfortable moment (for me) when Oprah offered Nate an explanation of his loss
shortly after his return home. For any explanation I hear just does not make sense to me when it is
applied to a sweet, innocent baby. Oprah's explanation worked for Nate, and I'm ok with that.
Because the powerful truth was not in the explanation, but the take-aways that Nate shared.

1. Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. There isn't a wrong way to grieve. I would add that this doesn't excuse mean or insensitive behavior. Grief isn't an excuse for poor behavior. But the pacing is important. How do you determine how long is enough to grieve a life that was never really lived? Is the assumed length of the life too much?
2. Honor those lost by living your life. Wow. Hard. But true. I watch my sister and friends, whom I call mommies of loss, honor the lives of their infants, DAILY, by living theirs lives. And it's hard. Everyday. But they do. By supporting one another and by creating a better experience for those in similar situations (check out The Might Oakes Foundation, the Wrapped In Love  Project and Caps For Collins Facebook pages). 

Which brings us to the Things That Matter. And for me, they aren't "things" oh I appreciate nice
things. Often wish I had some more of them. But pottery platters can break (still trying to let go of that one!), cars rust and material possessions can't give us a hug. Or hold our hand. or make me smile just by walking in a room. So changing the gratitude format slightly tonight, I'm going to identify what really matters to me.

First and foremost is my son. My world view shifted the moment he was born. Being Bennett's mom has made me a better person, teacher and spiritual being. Family in general is important, both my family of blood and my family of the heart (you know who you are!).

The second thing that matters to me is connecting with nature. From hiking, walking, bird watching and my need to be near water, I am better when I make this connection. Today was a beautiful 7 mile walk with my dog that included a path through the snowy woods. Birds chirped, the sun shone, and my spirit was renewed (I'm sure the Vitamin D fix in winter helped!).

The first step in expressing gratitude is to identify what things really matter. What matters to you?

Building a Community

Having committed to blogging every day during Lent has become an act of faithful commitment. I was worried until it hit my why. Blogs aren't just online journals. They are supposed to be interactive, living, breathing experiences. There have been times that my blog has inspired conversation and interaction. But not lately. So I need to rethink the intention. Or marketing. Or conversations with friends. I'm going to work on a community with the blog. Comments, participation and suggestions are welcome!

Today I am grateful for:
1. Conversations with  Bennett about literature. He has definitely moved beyond my understanding in math and the physical sciences, so I'm lucky that  my math and science boy is also a reader. The Three Musketeers has him engaged as we compare the movies that he loves with the original story.

2. The opportunity to work with exciting, engaging educators who are pushing boundaries and exploring new opportunities for their students. So proud to be a public school educator in this time innovation.

What are you grateful for today? Please share your comments as we inspire and support one another on this journey of living simply; present and at peace.

Cooper's hawk visited again yesterday

Wrapped In Love Project

Copy of Wrapped In Love Project

Finished the video this morning. It is a labor of love, honoring my niece Phoebe and nephew Ronan whose time with us was too short. My sister, and so many of the mothers of loss of whom I am acquainted, amaze me with their steadfast commitment to honoring their little ones by giving back, supporting one another and great causes. The Wrapped in Love Project is one of those causes.

My gratitude today for the friends, family and acquaintances who made the first blanket drop off a reality. There were many babies wrapped in love that day and many families blessed by the beauty of the   offerings and the love and support of strangers. Looking forward to our second drop at DeVos in March and, especially, our first drop at St. Louis Children's Hospital in May.

Feel free to contact me to coordinate donation drop-off or delivery.

As It Is

I know, I know. It's the 3rd day of Lent and only my second post. So today is actually a combined post. I was thinking yesterday about gratitude. That, after all, is the intention of the blog and blogging every day during Lent. So I did the thinking part! I found a quote on Pinterest from Dr. Wayne Dyer that is timely for me.

Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life AS IT IS, rather than as you think it should be.

Emphasis is mine. There are situations in my life, frankly outside my realm of control, that have me a bit pouty about not being in the place I assumed I would be, feel I should be and worked hard to achieve. In the grand scheme of things this too shall pass. Quicker than my pouting would lead one to believe, although not as soon as I would wish. Yet I still seek peace. And isn't it just the truth that it is impossible to be both pouty and at peace.  I AM in control of whether I move through the situation with grace and in a state of peace. The one aspect I can control is not the aspect I wish to control! Ah yes, more growth. It appears that I have so many areas in which to grow that I never am comfortable moving forward as something new is always revealed. So I am processing life, AS IT IS, and finding my peace.

I found myself mulling over that quote in context quite literally until I fell asleep last night. Computer next to me. And when today did not bring any outer sign of change, I continued to ponder. And then I took charge. Of my perspective. I chose not to dwell on the chaos in my house, the plans foiled again, or the feeling that I am never caught up with work, laundry, household chores. And I found my "moment of Zen". I chose to meditate in the beauty of my river, identifying bird species for my Big Year, with the short time that found for myself. It didn't mattert hat it came while waiting for my son to have a last minute chiropractic appointment. Or that I hadn't showered yet and it was the middle of the afternoon. That I didn't want to be seen in public. I dropped him off, headed to the river with my camera and bird book. And took a breathe. And a walk. And celebrated the beauty of life as it was, in that moment. Share my moment of Zen in the picture slideshow below.

Today I am grateful for:
1. Friends facebook posts that make me chuckle (not just smile-chuckle. This one is at you Pamela. Horese meat!
2. A connection with nature that costs me nothing but time and my willingness to be present.

Redheads and mallards

Redheads

Female Redhead

Red-breasted Merganser

Why I love my small town

Yesterday I was reminded why I love living in my small town. Sometimes we need something to help us remember! As I sat at Bennett's last dual swim meet of the season (undefeated!) I saw a family come in that probably had no idea how influential they were during my teen years. I moved to my small town my tenth grade year. It's a beautiful river community but more affluent than where I had lived. Rough place for a newly single mom and her three teenage kids. I believe this was the beginning of my spiritual awakening. My questioning of the evangelical belief system. The church to which we belonged had taken a hard stand that if my mother decided to file for divorce there would be no help from the church. Abuse, you see, is not specifically addressed in the scripture. Infidelity, yes. Abuse, change your behavior to change the outcome.

And yet, in our new small town, there was a group of men, Catholic by faith, who could care less what the dogmatic interpretation of scripture by any church preached. They saw an uneducated, jobless mother of teens trying her best to make life different for her children. They rented us an apartment. Brought us food. Bought us shoes (our only new items we received for school that year). They treated us with dignity, love and respect. Never asked us to attend church's, or youth group, or monitored our life choices. They saw. Need, they were able to meet the need, and they did. So Christ like.

So while I still have a friend who teases(?) me that I'm not really from ........, I smiled when I saw one of the men with his family. And then took the opportunity to thank him. And share with his family how much those kind gestures meant. And how I often think of their example and try to pay it forward. You never know how doing the right thing can change a life :)

Expressing gratitude today for:
1. People who care for their fellow man
2. My son's swim coaches who alternately challenge and encourage his development as not just a swimmer but also a fine  young man
3. Daily opportunities to pay forward the many examples of blessing that I have had in my life