Just Grateful

Somewhere along the line I lost sight of the original intention of this blog, which is to journal my gratitude. Too often I'm finding myself contemplating the meditations, maybe over a couple of days, or too busy to carefully reflect and construct, so I don't post my thoughts. It occurred to me this morning, with prompting from Deepak's meditation, to complete a daily gratitude journal. So on those days that time or effort does not allow a thoughtful journal, I'm going to remember to post my gratitude for the day. 

Yesterday I came home from a whirlwind trip with my son and some of his friends. The college visits have begun! Where did the time to? My cherub cheeked smiling bundle of joy has become a tall, lanky young man planning his future. I am grateful that he has cultivated friendships with people that will support him, his goals and his beliefs. 

When we walked in the door I was surprised by a sparkling clean house! My wonderful husband knew that much of my stress was coming from lack of time to tackle the dust bunnies and major cleaning. Pick up and laundry we handle fine; deep cleaning tends to get put on the back burner. Floors were even scrubbed and sealed! I'm grateful not just for the clean house, but that my husband recognized the source of my stress and created a solution. 

In This Stillness

Today's meditation covered the importance of committing to writing intentions. Lucky I have a blog for that! The suggestion was to review the list before meditation with intention, which will then release the intentions. Lists I can do. Intention I have. The stillness of meditation I still need. 

I am not a still person. While I think that I have grown in my ability to reflect before speaking and acting, to respond to situations with more calm and control than I would have thought possible, apparently that is not what I present to the world. A friend and I were shopping and I was looking at paint colors for the living room. I want blue. A nice full bodies blue. Not white tinted blue. We were discussing the color, her taking my husband's position that blue is too cold to be in a living room. I find blue peaceful and calming. Her response was that I'm never calm! Huh. I feel calm most of the time. So what is the disconnect between my intention and my projection.

Stillness. How to be still. I came close a decade ago. My yoga practice had evolved to something beyond asanas and was meditative before I even really understood meditation. Until grief. I lost my beloved grandmother suddenly. There were other life crisis at the time but this was the impetus. For when I am still, there is no place for the depth of emotions to hide. Overwhelming. I move quickly because I like to move. I talk quickly because I am passionate about the things that I do. I work continuously because there is always something to do. It's why committing to this meditation is my Lenten practice. My sacrifice to make the connection with spirit.

So what am I afraid that I will find in that stillness? I'm about to find out. There is one week left in the meditation challenge. My intention is to use that time to practice stillness. As I practice, my intention is to project the strength and calm that I truly feel inside to those with whom I am present. My intention is to celebrate my strength while honoring that inside that needs stillness to connect. With these intentions my family, home and work will benefit from the best of me that is released. Apparently it's going to be the hard stuff this next week.

Today I am grateful for my dog. She asks so little of me, yet is always a calm, loving presence. Which doesn't mean that she doesn't get excited and crazy. I guess I really do just need to be more like my dog! 

Are you avoiding the stillness? The place that allows nothing to be hidden? Have you figured out why? What will you do this week to embrace the stillness?

A lesson from Phoebe

Today I celebrate the 3rd anniversary of the birth of my beautiful niece Phoebe Johnanna Bush. She was only with us on this earth for one short month, but her amazing life taught me more lessons than any other. The most important lesson was the need to be fully present with those that I love. Phoebe had the love, attention and devotion of her family for every one of her 30 days. Such a blessed existence in the midst of painful circumstances. Her struggle led to better treatment for her brother Ronan just one year later. And although Ronan also was not with us for long, the lessons learned from these beautiful babies that I was blessed to have time with would, just one year later, lead to the first successful lung transplant of an ACD baby. My sister Kim and brother Chris have inspired me not just during their journeys when the children were with us on earth, but as they continue to live their lives, daily struggling with an unforeseen reality and grief. I am humbled.

Reflecting Balance

So I've been cruising through this meditation challenge, reaffirming lessons that I've learned in my spiritual journey. To be sure, I needed reminders and a refocusing on these lessons, but I've felt comfortable with the review. I should have known it was too good to be true. Bam! Out of the blue. The lesson I still haven't learned. Today Deepak discussed how our environment is a reflection of our inner balance. Well that was not a comforting thought as I got out of bed in my dust bunny infested, half decorated, needs to be cleaned house! Apparently it's time to pull up my big girl panties and really tackle this issue.

It was the same stopping point for me when working thought The Simple Abundance Journal. As soon as I was supposed to think about decorating, and colors and spending money I started getting itchy. I found my balance, for today, by listening to my own advice that I give to my adult students. It isn't going to happen all at once! It's ok to move forward in implementation in steps. So I stuck out my right foot and began. I am pleased to say I had already contemplated some simple spring cleaning type things that needed to be done. The bathroom curtains I don't like are not going to have the cobwebs washed off of them, they're coming down, the shower curtain rod that had gotten rusty was replaced as was the ironing board cover that was covered in sticky quilt batting (don't ask. Just because I like to quilt doesn't mean I'm good at it). With my attitude aligned to focus on the positive I decided to create one small space that reflected how I feel instead of the chaos I often present. Over the weekend, anticipating the many parent meetings I will be holding in my office, I bought a small pot of daffodils to place on my conference table. I dug out a pretty little planter that want being used, plopped my new plant inside and took them with me to work. Wile my to-do list was long (and not accomplished) it was well worth the five minutes it took to clear my conference table and nearby countertop and place the pot of flowers in the middle of the table. It's not my environment, but it's a small start. Maybe this weekend  I will get to those dust bunny curtains!

5 Minutes makes a difference!

My last thoughts are maybe once again I'm focusing on the wrong thing. Maybe what my slightly disorganized, dust bunny filled, in need of decorating environment reflects is that my priorities are right. I choose to spend the time with my son, preparing for my students and enjoying my two hour walks with my dog on the weekend. The more balanced I become the less thought there will be about what my environment is reflecting.

Messy side of the office!

What is one aspect of your environment that reflects balance. What is one, small, five-minute change you can make today to bring harmony and balance to your environment?

Evaluating Habits

Today the meditation focused on restoring or creating healthy balance in your life so I've focused my thoughts on mh habits, examining the how and why they were created. Diet and exercise I've already blogged about as a natural remedy for health issues that I have dealt with for a decade now. But I wanted to dig deeper. The problem is, when I start to think about habits, I tend to go to those things that I probably need to tweak. "Bad" habits.  But as I like my blogposts on the short and sweet side, and I want to honor the positive, affirming conversations that I have been having with my body, I decided to think of a couple of good habits and let those be a guide for how to develop more rather than rehash what I am not doing well.

The best habit that I have is my routine. As Bennett has grown into his teen years my schedule has become more flexible. Starting with his freshman year, I have been the swim carpool mom for morning practice. Actually, that started with summer swim in middle school but at least in summer I don't have to teach all day after carpool! He needed to be at the pool an hour before I normally left for work. What to do? Well, sleeping through the morning routine wasn't an option. So I decided to start my day early after dropping a car full of boys at the school. A half hour drive had me arriving before 6 a.m. Those first couple of mornings were grueling! But I quickly realized something. This was actually closer to my natural body clock. I am a morning person. A HAPPY morning person. The kind of person whose college roommates wouldn't let speak until after they returned from their 9a.m. classes. The kind of morning person who has a boss threaten to fire them if coffee ever becomes a part of the routine (yup, that morning happiness is not caffeine injected, it's all me!). So I began my day as one of the first in the building. And quickly realized I was more productive form 6-7:30 a.m. than I was for the rest of the day. I think more clearly, I have less distractions.

 As morning practices came to an end, I took a day or two to return to my former routine. I worked more in the evening, my desk was never cleared. I decided to compromise. There was no reason to be the first person arriving at building. Frankly, that's not a safe choice. But I could be one of the first. This third year I've realized that this schedule has become routine. If I'm not an hour early for work I feel like I'm late. More importantly, I've stopped apologizing for the fact that I'm useless after 9:30 p.m. Because you should see what I accomplish before 9 a.m.!

What is your habit that has developed to further your quest for a more simple, balanced, reflective life?

My Magnificent Vehicle

What a great way to regard my body, as a magnificent vehicle for this journey. It is so much easier to create a good body image when love, acceptance and purpose guide the conversation. How do we harness this thought for our children and teens? Giving them the gift of loving their bodies for how it functions and what it allows them to do rather than in judgement compared to a standard that isn't real. Emphasizing the function over appearance is a great beginning. For me, the last couple of meditations have been more affirmation of what I discussed in my last blog rather than new revelation but I have enjoyed the time to recommit to a conversation of appreciation for my body. The opportunity to practice instead of grapple with a new concept seemed to turn my early mornings into something to look forward to rather than something that I had to schedule.

I tried meditating this afternoon instead of first thing in the morning. I figured it was the weekend and I wanted to expand the way I practice. Normally I am up by 4:50 so I can meditate before I get out of bed and then I'm out the door by 6. Today I opted to combine a walk with work at my parents to start my day. After walking back and getting ready to grocery shop and run errands I knew I had to much to think about to stop and meditate. So I postponed the meditation until late afternoon, with mixed results. I am happy to say that even though I had to prepare for 2 hours of online meetings this evening I was able to put that aside and honor the time I had given myself for meditation. Unfortunately I have a very small house. So the dogs running the hall, people talking in the other room and the neighbor coughing on his back porch all proved to be significant distractions. Early morning, when I am the only one up, will continue to be my time for meditation.

On my walk, I was aware of the awakening of spring. It is amazing that even as the temperatures remain in the 20s, with wind chill in the single digits, nature pushes forward. Today my sign of spring was the red-winged blackbirds. They have been around for a couple of weeks, but today they were exhibiting their possessive stance toward territory. I witnessed something I had never seen before. Two male red-winged blackbirds were engaged in combat while in the air. At one point, they locked, I assume by the beaks. As they were locked together they began to spiral downward toward the ground, looking very much like maple seed "helicopters" dropping from the sky. I stood, transfixed, waiting for one to let go. They didn't. And landed flat on the paved road with a smack. Then, they hopped up and flew in different directions.

As I meditated on my body as a vehicle for this journey I kept thinking about the birds. The wonder that is bird anatomy, with its hollow bones and protective air shafts in feathers. If the Divine has considered such a small creature and the design that is required to be the vehicle of the journey, why do I doubt that which was planned, formed and created for me? For not one second did either bird lose focus on the fight. Why do I not trust my body like the birds? Possibly because  that bird doesn't have mirrors! But I smiled as a I finished my walk. And connected with the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote in today's journal "The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common".

What common miracle connected with you today?

A Conversation

The good news is that I'm keeping up with the meditation challenge better then my Lenten commitment to blog! The last two days focused on the role of our body in health. We must begin with recognizing the Intuition of our body, or how it speaks to us. Women are often credited with the ability to tune in, or be intuitive, in our every day lives. But the examples that are often used are a recognition of intention or circumstance that occurs outside of our body, and sometimes not even to us. Thoughtful focus can help us make a connection with our own body. Once we recognize that our body speaks to us, we can go a step further, speaking to our bodies and engaging in a conversation that is healing, centered and unites the parts of ourselves that create our well-being. So apparently the  saying about you can talk to yourself, as long as you don't answer, is not necessarily true!

The lessons weren't new to me. I have for years controlled a formerly debilitating, painful condition through diet and exercise. When symptoms flare and pain returns, it is my body speaking. By now I have figured out what it is saying. Move more, eat less, cut the stressors. When I first began making the mind/body connection I had just read the book Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom and begun practicing yoga. Through the book I made the connection between the area in my body that was not functioning properly with the nature of the issues or stressors that I was ignoring. These connections happen to be related to Chakras, so my yoga practice provided a natural first "treatment" of sorts. During this process I became aware of the next step in my path to wellness. After learning to listen to my body, I realized that I could, in turn speak. I had been so focused on how my body wasn't functioning properly that I missed all of the amazing this my body was still doing. As I became more flexible and meditative in my yoga practice I shifted from sadness and frustration in the pain to gratitude for a body that, while unwell, could balance a beautiful tree pose or proud pigeon. I thanked my body every day for what it did well and treated it as the vital life-sustaining force that it is.

One would think that achieving a return to well-being, especially in regards to pain, that the formula

of exercise, eating and mindfulness would become a way of life. And it is. Until "life" gets in the way. While I experienced years of being symptom free, the last couple of years I have experienced recurrences of symptoms. I now live with a shared experience of grief that has profoundly changed me. Grief can take hold, overwhelm, and demand immediate attention that disregards fundamental practices of wellness. Symptoms return.                                

For a while, I was disappointed. I had an almost smug attitude of "I did it" when it came to my disorder when I exhibited no symptoms. My Evangelical experience demands healing. If I live right; do the right thing it follows that I can demand healing. But I'm not healed. At least not yet. So the meditation of the last two days reminds that when my body speaks, I must listen. And as it is speaking to me, I must speak back with gratitude, encouragement and belief in its ability to be the functioning complex conglomeration of systems that it is. When will I achieve the state of health that is truly more than just a management of symptoms? Probably when I deal with the issues at  its root; when I honor this body with the exercise and nourishment it deserves and speak gratitude and wellness to it for what it does, not what it should do. For now, my focus will have to be becoming still enough and quiet enough that when my body does speak, it will no longer have to shout to get my attention!

View from the mountain top! Hiking in Yellowstone.

For our conversation today, how have you learned to listen to your body? What is the message that you send your body every day? Should our message change?

A Field of Possibilities

So excited to begin the Journey to Perfect Health 21 day meditation challenge with Deepak Choora this morning. My joy comes not only from continuing to develop my meditative practice, but because the challenge is connecting friends across geographical distances, creating the opportunity for a shared spiritual growth experience. My health is really what propelled my seeking an alternative spiritual practice years ago, so the focus of this challenge feels right. Yoga, healthy eating and exercise were my starting points, but the business of life has stalled exploration of additional practices. I'm thankful today that technology serves so many purposes, providing opportunities such as this challenge and a way to connect with my friends.

Although I must say that the first work day after "springing forward" with our time setting may not have been the best choice. I actually assumed that the e-mail link wouldn't come before 5 a.m. And I would be able to put it off until tomorrow. But there it sat, when I checked at 4:50, just waiting for me to click and begin. I took it as a sign and soldiered on.

I like to begin by examining the mantra to be used during meditation. I have not reached the point where my mind stays focused for long, so I find myself often returning to the mantra as a center. The interpretation of today's mantra, "I am absolute existence. I am a field of possibilities.", felt like an encouraging saying to say to oneself in the mirror at the beginning of the day! What a way to start the day. As I carried the thought with me throughout my day, I kept returning to "I am a field of possibilities".  As a teacher and a parent, I often look at my students and my son as the possibilities that they represent. It drives me every day to provide challenging opportunities for them to grow. To develop the skills they will need to be their future possible selves. But the phrase is "I am", not "I was". How different would we approach our adulthood if we remain confident in the belief that possibilities are part of our future not just our past. What changes could we affect; what accomplishments could be made, both for continued personal growth and as contributions to mankind.

The field that I picture is a rare Lake Plains prairie, found in very few places in the world. There is one in my area and my son and I have volunteered to collect seeds to cultivate the native species. In that field contains the possibility of protecting an ecosystem from extinction. We spent hours learning to identify and collecting those precious seeds. That is the image that I am focusing on in my healthy life of possibilities. Focusing on the fact that if still have breathe, there are possibilities!

How do you picture your field of possibilities?

Being Human

Over the last couple of days I've been thinking about the fallibility of man. Headline news has been reporting a Canadian study that declares Mother Theresa should not be the destined-for-sainthood iconic figure. The criticism of excess charity money and how care is managed seems to me a perspective challenge more than misuse. Certainly no one is accusing Mother Theresa of gathering funds for personal gain, but more of an effort to promote well doing in the Catholic faith at a time when there has been much to criticize in terms of personal conduct and accountability. Faith is too often political within established institutions.  This criticism isn't only for the Catholic church, but for spiritual leaders and institutions of faith. for instance, the televangelist world was rocked during the 1980s with the fall from grace of the Bakers and Jimmy Swaggert, not only for financial mismanagement but infidelity issues. In comparison, a faith that honors suffering and acknowledges the inevitability of death as Mother Theresa believed does not seem to fit in the same category.

Athletes, politicians, musicians; any person who has a talent or gift that is revered too often becomes a hero. Charles Barclay's famous uttering that he is NOT a role-model created all kinds of controversy, but should it have? How to we teach our children, and by doing so build a generation, that great deeds and amazing feats are worthy of our admiration, but that behind those accomplishments is just an ordinary person. We get a little touchy about our heroes in the U.S. our founding fathers, legendary Preisdents and statesman all have conducted themselves, at some time, in a manner that isn't honorable. It has to be ok to separate the two. Too often such discussion simply labels you "un-American".

I had the opportunity to listen to the author Tonya Bolden at a conference as she discussed how heroes are often portrayed in the black community as one dimensional based upon their greatest work
or achievement. Her books differ in that they address the struggles that make the hero, be it Dr.

Martin Luther King Jr or George Washington Carver, real people with insecurities and flaws. Her
reasoning was how can a troubled youth or a child in a difficult environment connect to a hero that is more Superman than real person?

It seems to come down to what we honor. What are the attributes that we admire most in our fellow humans?  Personally, the things that I don't do well cause more reflection, and by virtue of reflection more cause for growth, than the things that I do well. Maybe that's why we want to look only at what our "heroes" do well. We want our Superman. Our spiritual guide. And by putting them on said pedestal we remove our responsibility to learn, connect, and grow by examining their lives as more than just one dimensional.

In celebration on Women's History Month, and yesterday being International Women's Day, how about we share a woman we admire and why?

I admire Maya Angelou for honesty in reflection. She makes no apology for her life choices, but examines circumstances with honesty and as a learning experience. "When you know better, you do better" is my favorite quote. 

Like any other day....

I have made it a practice to reflect upon gratitude and simplicity throughout the day in celebration of Lent so that my evening blog posts are a reflection of the experience. Today I couldn't get past the fact that it was just an ordinary day. I began my day by administrating a high stakes standardized test, spent my lunch problem solving with a community service agency advocating for a student...really just an ordinary day in the life of a teacher. Admittedly, much of my day was spent considering the anti-test movement and disruptive education reform, but I have a professional blog for that!

So how do you find gratitude in an ordinary day? By simply being grateful. That my ordinary day includes a job that I love, a son that makes my heart smile, dedicated colleagues, family I love and friends on whom I depend. Really, not quite so ordinary. The definition of Simple Abundance! Everything that I need when I'm focused on what truly matters.

Tonight, I'm feeling blessed by the ordinariness of my life!

A moment of beauty-St. Louis Children's Hospital 

Staying Connected

One of the principles that I have come to understand on this journey to a more simple place of abundance, is that we reflect that to which we are connected. While studying the Simple Abundance journal there were several times when I had difficulty with exercises that required me to shop, plan or complete activities about "things". It didn't take me long to realize hat some of the discomfort came from my own issues regarding money, or lack of, and recognizing that I had issues about whether I "deserved" nice things. Now I know that I deserve to have nice things, but actually spending the money on things for myself is another story. The fact that I am an educator in the current economy and with the reconstructive mindset of the legislature does little to support my efforts to be a little less frugal with myself! In fact, the few times that I have had "things" that were meaningful it seems they ended up broken! So is my attachment because I spend so little energy investing in things or do I not expend more effort collecting things because somewhere I know that I will easily become distracted from what is truly worth while?  I suspect these are thoughts I will continue to pursue for quite some time.

What about, instead of things, we pursue our connections to people and places and causes we hold dear? Personal connections provide balance, accountability and strength. The important thing about connections is that they don't always have to be a best friend, or sister, with whom our deepest secrets and fears are shared. It can be a fellow sport parent or colleague; someone with whom we can relate in our life circumstance. Personal connections, not to objects but life forces, are a reflection of our life and its balance. Sometimes we crave the intimacy of close friends, while other times the light-hearted, less emotional experience of acquaintances. That is not to say that the deep connections with our fellow man are not important. I was reminded of this as I "hung out" with my sister on a Google hangout. Or when the calendar reminded me that a group of my school age friends and I would begin our second shared meditation challenge next week. While geographically distant, technology and heart strings keep us connected. Often, these distance challenged relationship can actually be easier to maintain in this digital world. The pressure of interaction in a busy schedule can result in friendships fading as time becomes a barrier to maintenance. But geographic challenges to friendships can easily be distanced when a note, message, e-mail or other electronic connection can take place as time allows. The old adage of two ships passing in the night no longer means there is no connection. With the right technology, the ships don't actually have to pass, they probably just need a Twitter account!

During Lent is a great time to reflect upon the connections that we have maintained with people that we love. How do we make those connections a priority with the chaotic schedules that are now an American norm? To me, technology seems to be the answer. And a commitment that whatever the tool, I will prioritize my connections to those I love instead of the things I think I love.

My heart

Firecracker

red head girly

Books are the best

Annie home :)

Soul connections

A day working at Feed the Children

Modeling our Amy jewelry

Running for a Cause

How do you stay connected? Do you use social media? What connections do you need to strengthen?

The Joy of Reading

Happy birthday Dr. Seuss! I did have an omelette with green peppers, ham and cheese, so I think that qualifies as green eggs and ham. Internationally, this day is devoted to the celebration of reading in honor of Dr. Seuss' success with his early readers. There are many quotable sayings from the books and the man, enough that one could probably blog just exploring Seuss quotes. In celebration reading,  I like the following quote from I Can Read With My Eyes Shut : "The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll" .

Reading was my first simple pleasure. The great equalizer in education and experience, I read early and once started moved forward with veracity. Libraries, whether in school or the community always felt like home. How lucky am I that I now spend my day in a library with students!

Reading can be so many things. An escape, a means of travel, the only way to satisfy the hunger and thirst for knowledge. As I've spent the last couple of years trying to live my life more simply, I no longer apologize for my need and desire to read. It can still can be a way to escape, or connect or just provide me with the opportunity to stop and be still in my busy life.

Today I'm grateful that my son has had a love of reading from an early age. Many times when it seems we have very few ways to connect, books still provide thoughtful conversation starters. How lucky am I to share something that brings me so much joy with my son.

Today I am grateful that I always had access to books, for a son who shares my love of reading and for a sister and group of friends who enjoy connecting through books as much as I do!

What book have you read, or are reading that you would recommend?