Let Go

I have been mulling over Saturday's centering thought before blogging. This is a stopper for me. So much so that I've repeated this meditation instead of moving on. "As I let go of the need to arrange my life, the Universe brings abundant good to me". I have a profound need to arrange my life. Some might say I need to have control. I have done enough study and reflection to know where this need comes from and I truly believe that this has been an area of personal growth. Perhaps it is the way this thought is phrased that has me continuing to turn it over and over, exploring the nuances and applications. There is a difference between relinquishing control on certain areas or situations and truly letting go of the need. For me this sense of order, control, arrangement; whatever you want to call it, is a self-preservation tool. Apparently it's time to move past this strategy.

The point of reference for me becomes looking beyond myself. The application of allowing everyone to become who and what they are. And honoring all that they are, not what I want them to become. As a parent this rings true. So often our hopes and dreams for our children do not manifest in the way that we imagine. That does mean that we are less, or that they have failed. I think I need to go back and read again Kahlil Gibran's essay on children. The concept of the parents as the bow that sends forth the arrow child implies that we have control over where they land. But really it's in the hands of the archer that guides and directs the arrow. This realization began this week as I encouraged my family to join me in the meditation challenge and felt rejection by their disinterest. But when I talked about what meditation was doing for me, both my husband and son expressed that playing the piano did the same thing for them. There I went, trying to control even their meditative practice! Today, I will continue working on honoring those I love for all of the wonderful things that they are instead of what I think they can become. And just maybe, through the process, I will learn to apply the principles to myself.

Creating Abundance

One of my favorite ways to spend down time is watching Oprah's new Super Soul Sunday on the OWN Network. Thought provoking conversations with spiritual leaders and people determined to make the world a different place have brought a spiritual focus back to my Sunday morning. I was intrigued when an interview with Deepak Chopra focused on meditation and an invitation to join a 21-day guided meditation on creating abundance. The Universe was speaking! In my years of spiritual practice that began rooted in a traditional Christian path to the present day more open spiritual search, I have never developed a good meditative practice. Yoga has certainly expanded my ability to quiet my mind, but meditating on my own has not been successful. And the focus of the meditation being creating abundance? Great reminder that I actually started a blog based upon my quest for a more simple abundant life. Back to journaling the process!

The one positive experience that I had with meditation came during an amazing get-away to Colorado with my high school friends. We invited a massage therapist to come in and do a group meditation with us before giving individual massages. It was an experience where judgement was non-existent and I learned to acknowledge the wandering thoughts that interfere with a meditative practice instead of fighting their existence. But I didn't bring the practice home with me. It was a moment in time, a preparation for when I would be ready. Now my friends are joing in me in this challenge, once again creating shared experiences of growth across geographical barriers.

It seems a little crazy that starting a 15 minute a day practice requires scheduling, but that's the reality of my life. So much for a simple! A late e-mail on the first day had me postponing my start until the next day. Fortuitously, the next day happened to be Election Day. Instead of turmoil and anxiety I began my day with the centering thought that "Today, I behold all the abundance that surrounds me". Wow. What a great reminder. I am blessed. Blessed that I live in a country of abundance. Hateful rhetoric and prognostications of doom and gloom from both sides of the political divide cannot overshadow the fact that the United States has survived over 200 years of peaceful transition of government. Change transpires, for the most part, without bloodshed and violence. I don't risk my life by casting a vote. Surrounded by abundance. I most certainly am. From that beginning I connected to this experience as coming at the perfect time balanced between need and openness. Join me, in the meditation challenge and the discussion. Comment below.

UofM and M&Ms

 The Secret

In a departure from the usual tone of my blog, I find that a crisis point has been reached that requires immediate attention. Yes, its is crunch time for my beloved University of Michigan Football team. There is no explanation necessary for fans. For those of you are are not fans, return to my blog another day.

You see, I have the secret to a UofM win. That's right folks, a tried and true method that is guaranteed to have the Maize and Blue victorious. It is a long-held sacred tradition in my family. It began when...oh, who am I kidding. I made it up. Thank you to my friend, Mindy, for reminding me that I was not attending to my rituals. I apologize to the team for slacking off during the early part of the season. In my defense, I found that even sacred rituals couldn't help during the Rich Rod era. But as we are now in the glorious age of the return of the Michigan Man, I will slack no more.

Here is the secret, step-by-step, to ensuring a victory.

•  Buy a bag of M&M's. It can be an individual bag or a two pound bag or anything in between. Your choice. Varieties acceptable are plain, peanut and almond. Mostly because I like my chocolate with nuts, but don't want to exclude the purists (this would be for my sister Kim, who is the UofM alum in the family). It is NOT acceptable to buy mint (too "green"), peanut butter or any other nontraditional combination.
•  Pour the bag into a bowl. This is very important. Clear is better. You need to see every M&M.
• Commence eating in the following order:

1. During the 1st quarter ALL red M&M's must be consumed. I am confident that this needs no explanation.  Do not eat any other M&M's except the red ones.
2. During the 2nd quarter ALL green M&M's must be consumed. See above for lack of additional explanation.
3. During the 3rd quarter consume all remaining M&M's EXCEPT the blue and gold.
4. 4th quarter you bring home the win by savoring the blue and gold. 

Well there you have it. I've posted this with enough time for you to run to the store and get your M&M's before the start of the game. GO BLUE!!!

Mighty Lessons

For those of you following my blog, I have referenced a dear little friend from St. Louis, Oakes Ortyl, and his amazing family in the past. Unfortunately, last week Oakes valiant battle came to an end. Anyone interested in his story can go to the blog his parents have kept.. Greg and Becky, his parents, have created The Mighty Oakes Heart Foundation in his honor to help families dealing with congenital heart disorders. They are planning a great celebration of his life this Saturday, starting with a morning mass and spending the rest of the day at the Worlds Fair Park. I'm disappointed that I can't attend, but will be celebrating with them, wearing my blue and joyfully remembering all of the miracles that were part of his 16 Months with us. Those who have followed Oakes story were asked to share with the family the lessons they have learned from Oakes. I feel blessed to have been one of the few people outside immediate family and hospital staff that actually met this amazing little man. Following is what I sent to Oakes parents as a reflection of what I have learned from Oakes:

As I reflect upon the lessons I've learned from knowing Oakes and following his story it is almost like unweaving a blanket. At times it's difficult to trace where each heart string begins. So I suppose the lessons begin with how I met Oakes and his amazing mother Becky. In May of 2011 my precious nephew Ronan was transferred to St. Louis Children's Hospital in the hope that he would be able to receive a life saving lung transplant. We had lost his beautiful baby sister, Phoebe, just the year before to a rare lung disorder that they shared, ACD. All of our hopes were in this slight possibility for a chance at life. As we live in Michigan, one of the difficult aspects of Ronan's journey was being away from him and his mother, my sister, for extended periods. The first visit after the initial, harrowing transfer over Mother's Day weekend was filled with joy. Ronan was stabilized, on a transplant list and we were cautiously optimistic with the limited odds for a successful outcome. But the most amazing aspect of that particular trip was the change in my sister. You see, there are some amazing moms out there; that in spite of the worst experiences a parent could face, were willing to open themselves up to others. To share in this scary journey that involved lung transplant. The joy, sorrow and fear experienced by each only intensified when you became close to other babies and their families. And so Becky and Gregg have endured ups and downs, amazing joy and far more losses, as many of the sweet babies journeys were not to continue here on earth. I am humbled by the genuine love and care these parents give to one another and I know that it is this spirit that is reflected in the joy we see in so many of the pictures of Oakes and Isla. If I tug at those strings a little bit I find some that definitely are connected right to Oakes.

 First, joy and love is evident on the faces of those who experience the purest delight not in things but in being with one another. If you visit the Ortyls blog you can see the amazing pictures that have been taken. The way Greg and Becky look at Oakes. But especially the way Oakes looked at Isla. Delight and joy because of her presence. And I ask myself, do the faces of my family reflect this joy just by me being present with them? If not, what do I need to change about our relationship so that we are centered on the true purpose and meaning of our time together. I hope this will make me a better wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend. 

Second, every time I saw a picture of Oakes smiling my breathe would catch. I've experienced first hand the reality of babies in intensive care. They live with tubes, medication and discomfort for much of the time. And yet, that beautiful smile. Filled with more and more teeth as he grew. What could possibly be so overwhelming in my life that I could not find something to smile about? If Oakes could smile, so could I. Even if there are times I have to smile through the tears.

 Third, I've learned that friendships that will last forever can be forged in the shortest periods of time. Place and circumstance can bind together people that otherwise may never have crossed paths.

 Last, I learned that real love and friendship is not envious. You see, we received word that Oakes would be receiving his lung transplant on the day of Ronan's memorial service. My brave, strong amazing nephew did not make it to transplant. Yet, in the midst of our sorrow there was hope. And joy. And wishing. That Ronan's journey would not be Oakes. That our pain and loss would not be Gregg and Becky's and Isla 'sWe rejoiced that day and shared with everyone the news, taking deep breathes with Oakes. There is comfort in the joy of those you love. There was no time for what ifs, there was only rejoicing that Oakes journey would continue. Every moment of Oakes journey my family was believing, and praying and breathing life for Oakes.  Oakes has taught me that joy and sorrow are a shared experience of our humanity. To realize that we are all connected in this powerful way because of our shared experience is a lesson that can be applied beyond the boundary of Oakes time here with us. It is a thought, that if put  to action, could just maybe change the way we view our world.  Gratitude today for the amazing mothers of angels who inspire and influence me daily. To my sister Kim, my friend of strength Pamela, and my new forever friends Chrissy and Becky. Your angels live on in remembrance in my heart.

What are we for?

There has been much discussion the last couple of weeks about a George Lucas film about the Tuskegee Airmen called Red Tails. I was intrigued to learn, wile watching an Oprah special, that the film was difficult to market because it was "black history" with an all black cast. Sometimes I marvel at how out of touch I really am. Apparently, there is no market over seas for movies that are other-than-white demographically specific. Reading the reviews since the release there is criticism regarding the message itself but that isn't the point. The broad discussion is that if this film does not succeed, there will continue to be the reality that people are only interested in seeing stories about the white experience. Heavy responsibility for a film. But what caught my attention was the campaign to promote the film. Kevin Ross, a former California Superior Court Judge, heard about it and used his facebook page to promote the film. Not to black friends, but to all friends. In his interview about the influence of his post, he states "Instead of talking about what you are against, let’s start talking about what we are for and using our dollars to make that statement." Profound.  And so much easier to stay in the spirit of Gratitude when we focus on what we are for.

So what am I for? I know that I am for opportunity, why is why Heifer International is one of my favorite charities to support. Providing opportunity through education is how I live my life. I am for supporting the ground roots, make a difference in a small way (and hopefully encouraging a "tipping point") which is why on Wear Red for Heart Disease Friday I share the Mighty Oakes Heart Foundation at a presentation. Because I know that a family living the reality can make decisions about what other families need in a way that is often lost by a larger organization or institution. I am for love, in whatever form it comes. I am for hope. So today I am grateful that a film about a moment in black history, that I consider AMERICAN history, has provided a focus for my new year. What are you for? And how will you use your dollars to make that statement? Inspire on.

Defining Gratitude

Almost a month into the new year, I'm finally feeling at peace with the direction I want to take with the blog. So here it goes! Working through the Simple Abundance journal last year forced me to work through specific ways to stretch and grow. This year, I feel the need to to see where this will take me. The most significant lesson to me was the need to live my life in the spirit of gratitude. Maybe this resonated because it was often the hardest lesson. Yes, even harder than being forced to shop for clothes or spend money on things for myself! With the loss of my sweet nephew Ronan, so quickly after the loss of my niece Phoebe, left me too often wanting to raise my voice to the Universe at the unfairness of it all. And sometimes I did. But.....gratitude does not imply that nothing is wrong. That we have no reason to be angry or frightened. Gratitude, to me, really became the life line of hope. If I could find nothing to be grateful for, I could not be used to complete the tasks or fulfill the purpose for which I was born. Gratitude does not take away the pain, the sorrow, the loss, the disappointment. It allows me to survive those things, to ride the wave and to truly process the effect.

I am different today. And it is a good different. I try to laugh more and judge less. I'm focusing on what has been accomplished in my house instead of how long it is taking to get it done. I marvel at my son's accomplishments instead of focusing on the times he has stumble or fallen short of my expectations. And in all of these things I often fall short. Feel free to remind me when I do! So my questions for today is: How do you define gratitude? That's what I'm reflecting upon today-creating a working definition of gratitude. Hoping your definition can inspire mine. Please share.