This is a hard one today. We can't accept our circumstances if we don't learn to bless them. In theory it sounds so good. But there are always exceptions. I am reminded of 2 things.
- First, I recently attended a family baby dedication. Beautiful, meant a lot to the family. But as the minister repeatedly told the mom and congregation that we were surrendering the baby to God and reminded us that the baby was in God's hands, not ours, I couldn't help feeling angry. It is so easy to "amen" when your beautiful, healthy baby is being held in front of the congregation. Surrender indeed. An easy sentiment until that surrender becomes literal instead of figurative. Surrendering my sweet niece Phoebe 9 months ago did not feel like a circumstance that could be blessed. I'm trying to figure out how. Blessed for the beautiful month we had with her. Blessed to see the outpouring of love from family and friends. Yes. But the circumstance? This path may be rockier than I anticipated.
- Second, I watched Oprah introduce a half-sister she met at Thanksgiving. Didn't know she existed. Part of the program was showing how Oprah's mom still has difficulty acknowledging the situation. The guilt is overwhelming that she gave up her child. Oprah related this to her sister Pat telling the story of Oprah's birthing a child at 14 that didn't live. The betrayal was intense and caused a rift in the relationship. As Oprah was able to reflect she feels that her sister actually released her by forcing her to acknowledge the circumstance to the point where she no longer dealt with the guilt like her mom still does. She blessed the circumstance. BUT IT TOOK YEARS! I'm welcoming suggestions on how you BLESS the circumstance of the loss of a child.
Today I express gratitude for the following:
- Co-workers who support my ridiculous enthusiastic attempts to get teens reading
- Snowflakes so big and fluffy.
- Sweet memories that must last a lifetime.
I remember 6 years ago, sitting in a hospital room... feeling very very angry. I heard everyone saying "God has a plan", "she's in God's hands", "Everything will work out" ... I even prayed... hard... daily... for hours. Yet... I was still angry. I was angry that a young vibrant girl could become so horribly injured. I thank God daily she lived... but the anger creeps in every so often.
ReplyDeleteNow, as a mother... daily I struggle to squelch the fears that one of MY children... my flesh and blood that I carried, have nurtured, have sacrificed for would somehow be drastically injured or even ... taken from me. I hear people say "she's really God's who He has allowed you to raise" .. .and I feel angry. NO! They are MINE! All the while knowing how selfish that is... yet not really letting it go.
I struggle to understand how God could bless you with these little lives and then allow them to be taken. Yes... we live in a fallen world... yet, the struggle comes from the knowledge that He is all powerful... he CAN stop it. Why are the innocent allowed to suffer?
You dwell on these questions long enough and you start to ask the really tough questions.
Then, I read blogs like "Bring the Rain" ... and read her story... her struggles.. .her loss of child... .and see how she has maintained her faith despite the tragedy. I'm amazed.
Bless the loss of a child. And to be quite honest, I'm not sure I buy into the whole "God has a reason for everything" mantra. I'm not so sure. I think maybe... sometimes things just happen because we do live in a sinful fallen world.
The blessing... hmm... maybe it's not OUR blessing. Maybe it's a blessing for those that have passed. They are reunited with their maker. They do not have to suffer the ills of this world. They do not have to grow up watching others suffer... seeing on the news how yet another parent mistreated an innocent child and wondering why on Earth was that parent allowed to have a child! They do not have suffer heartache, or loss, or pain. They may have suffered a short while here...but now... from here on out, they will only ever feel love. Completely, purely, unending.
Yes. We suffer. We are left with the heartache and burden. But is it our blessing in these circumstances... or theirs. Is it selfish to WANT it to be our blessing? Or, is it our opportunity to move beyond what we can see...what we know... and to just rise above. We want we want we want. We are always looking to feel better ... but is that what it is about? I'm not so sure. Would their blessing be more complete if we can learn to accept our loss and allow them to live in their love?
I don't know. Tough questions.
So with a day to gain perspective and continue to process (perhaps I should blog the day AFTER?) I have become more comfortable with blessing the circumstance. I think I can give myself permission to acknowledge that blessings can come from every circustance, that there can be growth and development and things we would not experience otherwise....it doesn't mean that I accept that God needed Phoebe or that God had a plan that in order to be fulfilled Phoebe had to die. Also, we become possessive of our children but they aren't really ours. Oprah just said they are birthed through us,not of us. Which I think actually makes us more responsible than when we are possessive. Thanks Renee. This is the sharing that I believe will make our path a little easier to travel.
ReplyDeleteI WAS going to say that I disagree... you don't have to bless every circumstance. Accept... yes. Move on... yes. But Bless? I don't think so... Since talking though I understand your day two perspective... Yes there CAN be good things that come out of every circumstance, even bad. So, ok... Bless that stuff. :)
ReplyDeleteOkay, first let me say...not a good idea to read your blog at work....darn hormones...
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I agree with Renee, I don't believe that everything happens for a reason. Saying that implies that there is INTENT in horrible circumstances. No, I don't think a child is abused SO THAT good can come out of the situation. I do believe that any situation, no matter how unimaginably horrible, has the potential for unimaginable good to come out of it.
That's easy to say, as I struggle daily to focus on the many amazing blessings that I have and not just on what I have lost.