I've been an intermittent yoga enthusiast for close to 15 years now. My practice has peaks and valleys. Has been abandoned and resurged. The first time I stepped back was after my grandmother had passed. Yoga had become as much a meditative practice as a physical practice and I found that I had to check my engagement in classes as the grief would overwhelm me during savasana (or corpse pose). Yoga was the practice that made me love my body even when I was dealing with health issues that felt as if my body was betraying me. Several years of pain and discomfort where alleviated during practice and help me focus on the beautiful poses, breath and calm my body could create instead of the pieces that weren't functioning. I carry with me meditation, breath, and focusing on the current experience even when my physical practice is lacking.
Throughout my years of practice, I've taken a certain pride in being flexible enough to not use "props" (blocks, belts, blankets, etc) in my practice. Yes, I know this is contrary to a yoga practice! It is not a place for pride. But there you have it. There were years the only positive body experience I felt was through yoga and I clung with pride to the little my body was giving me. There comes a time, on this path of mindfulness, when areas of pride will need to be dealt with. Me and me prop-less practice were about to meet an end.
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| Photo Courtesy of Jivamukti Yoga School NYC |
I have a tribe that keeps me connected and accountable. Most are friends from high school. One of my amazing friends is a yoga instructor and massage therapist. And so much more! Her teaching style combines her training in several areas to an eclectic experience like none other. On the few occassions that my visits coincide with her teaching schedule I proudly become her student. On my last visit, we started our Sunday morning in a lovely little yoga studio. Props were being placed by mats and grabbed by regulars. I followed my usual routine of ignoring the props. But Amy was a 4th grader teacher before she became a yoga teacher. She knows what her students need and gives it to them! Props were placed by my mat as we opened class. What followed was an experience that left me with so much pride, not in my practice but in the teaching of my friend. Our class was not the usual flow. We began with using the props, in this case blocks and rolled blankets, to open our bodies. To feel the grounding as the movement shifted. It was never about flexibility, but about experimenting, grounding and connecting your body to the practice to come. The asanas were limited in number and time held, but were in alignment and connected in a way I have rarely experienced. I smiled, listening to the other students talk about how they appreciate Amy's methods and love her classes.
As with all things that pride holds, letting go is both difficult and freeing. Reflecting on my "props" shunning I realized that it made me feel good that I had flexibility even when not in regular practice. Letting go of concern of perceptions of others and excuses for my shortcomings applies to much more than my yoga practice. As ever, plenty of work to still to be done!
Today, I am grateful for:
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Missing a few!
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- My body, which continues to reveal limitations and strength in equal measure
- My new view of "props"
