At this part of the journey, the role we are to assume is that of an archeologist, digging into our past in order to become more self-aware. I've already mentioned that this is difficult for me...digging before about 15 or 16 just isn't worth going through. Growth has occurred as I now am able to embrace that part of my life as essential to the creation of who I am today, but I just don't want to go through it again. I've made peace and moved on.
But an experience yesterday has my reconsidering. Not necessarily the need to revisit that time, but the significance of how I deal with that past. And being open that at some time it may need to be revisited. As a family we went to the Holocaust Memorial Center in West Bloomfield. As Bennett is studying WWII right now, it seemed a good thing to do during break. I have heard survivors speak before, having hosted virtual field trips in my media center and there is nothing more moving than hearing a first person account. We were told that there would be no survivor at the museum, but went in time to take the official tour. Seeing the numbers associated with each country is mind boggling. Most astounding to me is only 77 lives lost in Denmark, proof that taking a stand does make a difference. At the end of the guided tour we were taken back to the lecture room and introduced to a survivor. A survivor who was willing to tell his story. Watching an 80-year-old man who was separated from his mother and father at age eleven, shipped through 4 different countries to arrive in the U.S. where no one wanted him...it's painful with my 14-year-old son next to me. I can't imagine him facing what this man had to endure to survive. With a steady, clear voice that belied his small stature we were given a factual account of his experience. He only faltered twice, each time as he recalled his parents.
At the end he took questions and began talking about how he was able to move past his experience and become a very successful lawyer with a large, loving family. He talked of compartmentalizing his experience. He feels that this is why he has been more successful at moving past his experience than his older brother. Yes it happened to him. Yes it was horrible. But that part of his life is over. He chooses to move forward and focus on what he was able to accomplish and the reality of his life now instead of the horrors of the past. As my husband pointed out on the way home, it is obviously his coping mechanism. And perhaps also mine. For a man who attributes his success to his ability to move the past to a compartment outside of his current reality to then open that compartment and make himself vulnerable by sharing the experience with a group of strangers is humbling. I am grateful and overwhelmed. And I will take that example and draw strength and courage from him when it is time for me to do the same. I guess that I have begun excavating! What are you digging up?
Grateful today for:
1. Survivors (of many kinds) who exhibit resilience and the strength of the human spirit
2. the return of winter (without a snow day!)
3. technology that allows me to safari and share and so many things that wouldn't be possible in a different format
Interesting. I think being able to compartmentalize our past is difficult and takes discipline and effort. So often when we revisit the past, whether it is good or bad, the emotions associated are revisited as well and come to the surface again. This often gets us in trouble... in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteAs long as we have DEALT with the past .... been successful in embracing the past in a way that it does not hinder our present... the compartmentalizing is a good thing. It would allow us to share our story, which might help someone else... and then close the box again and move on ... without reopening wounds.
However, I think that sort of thing is very difficult for most people. We don't LIKE to let go of those feelings. We want to hang onto them ... for whatever reason. Maybe to not allow the event to slip into the possibility of never actually happening? I don't know. But, the idea of revisiting the past ... may in fact be a mechanism to get us to the point where we can put particular events in a box that can be opened and closed. In order to put them in that box.... we have to go back, pick them up, examine them, dust them off, and put them away. You can put something away without touching it first.
I think I've mentioned one of my goals this year is to find balance. I'm just starting to find out that this journey may be more involved then I originally thought. But then again.... isn't that how things often happen.
I'm grateful for ...
1) An unexpected holiday for my husband.
2) Family time with ocean views and warm weather
3) Hope
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ReplyDeleteThis is fascinating! I love how well you put things into words. Good therapy ideas for compartmentalizing.... interesting...
ReplyDeleteI was watching Desparate House Wives (I know!), sunday and they were talking about dealing with the past... Eva Longoria had to actually go back to her hometown and deal with things to offically deal with her past. Good thing Marine City is my hometown... just in case!
Maybe Ghost writing would work to deal with issues from the past?
To dig up the past is painful.. but sometimes very important! I guess like rocks..you never know what you are going to find!
I am Greatful for...
1) Time with my babies
2) A warm house
3) A wonderful relationship with my husband
I have to say I'm not a big fan of digging up the past. I know not "dealing with" the events in your past can sometimes cause problems with your present...but mostly I think you just need to move on. I agree with accepting that your past, the good, the bad and the ugly, all contribute to who you are today. But I guess I don't have the energy to re visit the past, especially past relationships.
ReplyDeleteI prefer to put that energy into the relationships I have today and the people in my life now who I'm tremendously grateful for.
On that note, today I'm especially grateful for
-My beautiful stepdaughter, who brings so much to my life and I can't believe she's 10 today
-An unexpected day with my husband, which included a trip to the scrapbook store (at HIS suggestion!)
-The most amazing father-in-law in the world