The image of my authentic self as positive, upbeat, always smiling, calm and reassuring is who I know myself to be on the inside. I believe that more often than not this is also the way I act, but there are still too many times that my place of existence is not revealing my authentic self. As I reflect on my progress I think about how this has changed how I teach. I've never been a yeller, but I move through situations with a confidence and sense of calm that has students respond in difficult situations. With teens we have to remember that not only are most of them unsure of their authentic selfs, they don't have the confidence to express it if they do. I must remember to apply this to my son. I tend to hold him to a higher standard than the understanding I exhibit for the teens I work with every day! If I still have so much work of my own to do why am I impatient with his learning process?
Being open to change has been the greatest tool in my journey. Life is constantly evolving. In order to be present we must be present in the change. This was difficult for me when I realized that I could no longer be a part of the evangelical church in which I was raised. For me, it did not align with what Marianne Williamson calls "the magnificen possibilities" but instead was the force "that would limit those possibilities". Although the change was the right one for me, I have grown to recognize that that path is not inherently wrong, it just isn't right for me. But now I need to learn to tap into the spiritual energy of the flow of life. When I checked out of one path I withheld myself from reconnecting. So today I will begin birthing the goddess within, being open to the connection that is spiritual although different from what I assumed it would be.
Today I express gratitude for:
1. Juncos at my birdfeeder.
2. The anticipation of an amazing vacation
3. Great chili on snow days
Authentic self.... something I struggle with often. I know it's in there somewhere. LOL But lately it's been silenced by lack of sleep and crying babies. Instead...when my person is stressed the voice of my childhood mother pushes out like an alien emerging from it's host. Grotesque and gasping for air. It's not a pretty sight. When it's happening I can feel it... it's like one of those slow motion moments where you are trying to run towards your child to NOT put the toilet brush in their mouth (thankfully that particular event has not occurred in our house ...yet) but you are powerless to get there in time.
ReplyDeleteSo, I continue to push through the barriers trying to hold me back and be that person I know exists inside of me. That mom who is patient and gentle yet firm and directing. The wife who is loving and kind, supportive, understanding and correcting when it's needed. The friend with shoulder who will not hide the truth but speak it in gentle love. And the me... who is content to just be. Who moves through life in a manner that says "Rivers know this... there is no hurry, we shall get there someday." ~Winnie The Pooh but also moves with determination and purpose.
Yes the chili was your best batch yet!! Maybe instead of "birthing the goddess" you should simply recognize your husband is god!
ReplyDeleteAt least you used small "g" honey!
ReplyDelete