Just when I start feeling good I encounter prayer. Prayer is a struggle for me. As I have shifted from an evangelical belief system to a more spiritual approach I am left with too many unknowns. I feel uncomfortable approaching prayer the way I have in the past, but I don't feel a connection to a shamanistic spiritual being. So what do I do? Well, mostly I've avoided the process in the last couple of years. My only true connection with prayer was my month with Phoebe (just another way she effected everyone around her in her short time with us). In that time I felt a spirit connection, with her and Spirit, that seemed authentic. But then it became too raw of an experience for me. That is my quest for today. To find my way back to prayer and what that means in practice for me. How do you connect in prayer. Is it a mindfulness? To a spiritual being? Watching Oprah's making of her "Favorite Things" show there was a section about Apple not donating iPads and Oprah struggling because it is truly her favorite thing. In the end, when it came through, she mentioned that as much as it meant for her to have it on her show, it was a thing. And she was not praying for things. Pray for health, safety, loved ones, yes. Things, no. So that's a good start for me.
This morning I'm counting my blessings for:
- Poetry - what beautiful expression
- the neighbor who generously plows out our driveway after every snow
- rabbit tracks in the back yard snow (brown bun's great-great-great-great grandbunnies!)
Prayer is a tough one. So often my life gets in the way and my prayers are reduced to a bullet prayer for something specific. What I long for is something completely different.
ReplyDeleteIn my mind... what I desire is something greater. Something that contributes to the connection we all have together, instead of taking away. I believe we are all connected. We all created, give off, exchange and use energy. For me, prayer is either adding to or taking from that energy. I long for a prayer life that adds more to that energy then taking from the corporate energy. I think this is true whether you are praying to God or to an idea of spirituality. We are all connected. We all leave an imprint and the energy we create lives on. The physical may be gone, but the energy remains... what will we do with that energy that is around us? Will we drain it by asking asking asking? Or will we help it grow through thankfulness.
I think a spirit of prayer that strives to add more then it takes is a matter of discipline. It is not an automatic thing we just do, generally. It takes work. We must step out of the blissful chaos we often find ourselves in each day and be still. Be quiet. Be mindful. For me, who does pray to an almighty God ... I think of the passage that says "Be still and know that I am God". Yes, Jesus gave us a "way" to pray... but essentially when you really look at The Lord's prayer, the core of it is a recognition of who He is. Being still. Recognizing something greater. Acknowledging our own weakness and that we can not live this life of our own accord, that we need help ... and ... just being thankful. When you look at the life of Jesus, he got it. He understood the need for quietness... stillness. Something we have lost in this day and age. This is the type of prayer I strive for and fall short of constantly.
When we have a mindful prayer life, we can focus on what really matters. We are adding to... instead of taking away.
Today I am thankful for ....
1) a husband who gently disciplines our children
2) a daughter who has an enormous imagination
3) coffee
It is funny when I first read this.. I mis read it and thought that you were calling Phoebe your "soul mate"- kind of a neat idea actually!
ReplyDeleteI think this is super honest and raw! I love the topic here! Prayer is a tricky thing. I have had my doubts at times.. but it seems like things just work better when I am trusting and believe that God is listening to me. I actually pray a lot when I am running. It is my quiet time to zone out and talk to God. I do not do a good job with formal prayers... but just talk to God. For me, when I start to look for how God is a part of my life, I start to see him and connect with him more. I think it is like anything you have to look for it first sometimes.. and then it just comes!
What I am thankful for today...
1. An amazing husband who watched the kids while I was hitting the pavement early this morning.
2. The physical ability to run.
3. A beautiful baby girl sleeping on my chest right now!
Prayer is definitely a struggle for me. I've definitely moved past the faith movement, God as Santa Claus attitude. The idea that you can somehow direct God by "believing enough" just doesn't work for me. I don't believe that's what prayer was intended to be. But I think that tends to be when it's easiest to turn to prayer--when I need something.
ReplyDeleteThere is a part of the Episcopal church service when you ask God for forgiveness for "the things we have done and the things we have left undone." It's easy to get caught up in my own life, needs, joys and pain and be oblivious to the needs of those around me. I want my prayer to be more about not leaving things undone.
Today I am expecially thankful for:
1-my FIL being back home and how blessed I am to have him in my life
2-my job, which allows me to focus exclusively on the needs of others
@Laura-seeing you run has inspired me, more than once, to pull out the walking shoes and get my butt going! Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteKim, I like the focus on undone instead of what we need. As long as we don't get caught up in what we didn't accomplish or dwell on what we should have done, it can be a great way to acknowledge what we know we were supposed to do.
@Renee-I do think prayer is being still land mindful. In that case, I have been more prayerful than I originally thought.