Meditation

The mention of meditation used to scare me. I felt inadequate. My grounding in traditional Christianity had me leery of connecting to the practice. At the same time, my disconnect from Christianity had me fearful that the very things left behind would be similar in a meditative practice, especially guided meditation. The first time I began getting comfortable was in my second year of yoga practice. It had begun to be a meditative practice; eyes closed, totaly focused on the connection of my mind and body. My practice developed into more than a class that felt good physically when done to the way I began my day; maybe on the beach while on vacation, or in my bedroom before work. The ability to be at peace, in a stillness of the mind, was something I had never experienced. And then my grandmother passed away. She was the most amazing woman. And I lost that connection. To connect with myself spiritually released too many emotions. At the same time I was dealing with relationship issues, a new job and some serious health issues. I let it go.  My practice is still not what it was after that disconnect 8 years ago. I'm thinking this year is the year.

The reconnection began 2 1/2 years ago during an unforgettable vacation with high school friends in the mountains of Colorado. Early morning hikes, connected group yoga, white water rafting and gem mininig were all wonderful experiences. And then there was the group guided meditation. I brought to it all of my fears and anxieties of the practice in general as well as the disconnect from my spirit. But it was nothing like I expected. It was gentle, and understanding and nurturing and nonjudgemental. The opposite of everything that I had brought. There was a powerful lesson for a beginning meditator that was shared. I, like many people, had assumed that meditation meant the ability to empty the mind and become focused and attuned only to the spirit; maybe even one spiritual word or mantra. The brain doesn't work that way! Instead, we were encouraged to acknowledge the disruptive thoughts so that they can move on. I could hear my internal conversation telling my overactive brain that I did hear what it was saying. That I would not ignore the concern or need, but for now I was going to focus on......whatever I wanted to meditate upon. I don't pretend that I know how to meditate, or guide someone else's practice. In previous reflections I've acknowledge that I feel most meditative in nature. Which brings me to today's quote: "Meditation is simply about being yourself and knowing about who that is. It is about coming to realize that you are on a path whether you like it or not, namely the path that is your life." ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

Like it or not, you are living. Which means you're on a path. Which means your meditating. Now we need to focus on knowing who we are. Doesn't that just bring us full circle to being present fully? And it's even ok that there are some days, when we are present, that we acknowledge it's not where we want to be. I think I may start my meditation with corpse pose in my bed tonight ;)

Expressing my gratitude today for:
1. Inspired teachers (with whom I teach and those who teach my son)
2. New books
3. Enough daylight to fit in walks after school