Old Becomes New

Determining that my focus for 2017 would be #adventure has me viewing experiences differently. The saying is cliche, but life truly is an adventure. I find myself being more present, in tune with the immediacy of the experience in front of me as it unfolds. This shift has me reflecting as I trail with my nephew, who at 2 and a half is ready to march along under his own power instead of being packed. The delight of deep snow to trudge through, learning about trail markers to guide our way, and the exclamations of joy with each new animal track that crosses the path. I find peace and joy outside on a trail, but experiencing it as if first time all over again with my nephew Simon brings a smile to my face. Was the therapy the trail, or the reminder of seeing the extraordinary in what has become a standard past time?

Tonight I'm grateful for moments of presence, with those that I love. Especially the one delivered by a rainbow.

One Word

The process of living simply has now extended to New Year's Resolutions! Gone is the weight loss, eat healthy, hit the gym focus of January (which didn't seem to work for most people anyway). Instead, the movement is to focus on a theme that will carry you through the year. In one word. The movement has spawned books and blog posts, online communities and a hashtag (For my Twitter buffs #oneword2017).

For the past two years I've focused on goals for the year instead of traditional resolutions. Trail miles, reading challenges, and travel dominated the goals. And most were fulfilled. But it still was an exercise that seemed to lose focus as the year progressed. Perhaps this is another area where simplifying will lead to more gratitude and abundance. With that thought it mind, on to choosing my "One Word".

The problem with choosing "One Word" is that I'm a shades of gray person. Narrowing down to just one choice is an exercise that leaves me waffling and uncomfortable. So after much deliberation, my choice is a word that encompasses enough to provide me flexibility and choice, while still focusing my year. Adventure.

Adventure may seem a poor choice for someone who works in a cubicle in the midwest. But adventure it is. When I think of adventure, it not only represents experiences beyond the ordinary, but an approach to my every day. By definition, the word implies an "unusual and exciting activity or experience", but also can mean "exploration of unknown territory". And the last part is where I expect most of my adventures will be. Every day I am challenged at work and home to participate fully in what unfolds. What keeps me energized and engaged in my work is the unknown that occurs every day. My intention is that by regarding these unknown challenges and opportunities as adventures, the focus will be on what I can learn, what is required of me to navigate the challenge and not the stress that often accompanies daily challenges.

But also, hopefully there will be adventures of the extraordinary kind. Experienced with people I adore, embracing challenges and the awesomeness of nature.

My gratitude as I start 2017 is for a job that I love, in a career of my passion, that connects me to amazing people. Looking forward to the every day adventure of education.

What's your "One Word" for 2017?

To Phoebe - on the 6th anniversary of your birth

I Wish That There Were Cupcakes

On this day which should be filled with joy and celebration.

I Wish That There Was A New Book, 

carefully chosen, inscribed with your name,

to be read together as we snuggle on the couch,
looking at the lake and the birds on the feeder.

I Wish That There Was Joy, 

swelling in my sister's heart

as she watches you, your stubborn spirit a mirror of her own

Instead of the hole that is alternately

Weeping 

and Plugged

with the grief that is known only to a mother who has lost her child.

I Wish That There Were Adventures

on a trail, singing in the car, playing pretend in the most girly of ways.

For you,

you my niece, were to be the daughter of my heart,

the Universe knowing I would be a better mother to a boy,

but that I would make a great aunt ~

our hearts entwined in much the same way as your mother and my son.

I Wish That The Birds That Return in the Spring

meant walks next door, 

to watch the mother phoebe return again 

and build her nest

and raise her young.

You, delighting as she twitters from limb to nest, 

smiling at this bird who shares your name.

I wish that the return of the phoebes every year was not yet another bittersweet sign,

a token of remembrance, 

that simultaneously brings a smile and a tear.

I Wish That There was a Swing

on which I pushed you higher and higher,

instead of a remembrance tree ~

the Mighty Oak standing proud and tall in the middle of the field,

representing the strength of the mighty spirits of the babies that have been lost.

#Jenna

#Phoebe

#Oakes

#Elizabeth

#Noah

#Ronan

Names and stories that have knit together lives and families

with the Heartstrings of shared grief.

I Wish That the Painting Hanging Outside Your Hospital Room

~a back shot of a blonde toddler playing at the beach;

An image I 

ARGUED

and BARGAINED

and RAILED 

at God to be an indication of future experience

An image, posted on 

InstaGram and

Twitter and 

Facebook

tagged #adventureswithPhoebe

instead of one more example of what will never be.

I Wish That Now, When Someone Asks Me to Pray,

that I could do so with a pure heart

that BELEIVED

that HOPED

that experienced answers of the miraculous kind,

instead of Silence, Reality and Loss.

I Wish That There Were Cupcakes

that weren't made of Angel Food Cake.

What Do You Notice?

I struggle between being grateful that I have a nice little wooded trail close to my home and lamenting the fact that it is the only one. And it's short. With very few hills or significant inclines. So my gratitude is often broken by the desire to have access to the hills of Northern Lower Michigan, walking the North Country Trail along rivers and up and down hills, using switchbacks, traversing ravines, often being far enough from main traffic sources that I can experience the quiet, solitude and serenity of nature.

In my ongoing attempt to be grateful for where I am, in the moment, I have made a conscious effort to notice my everyday trail as the seasons change. The picky, weedy shrubs of summer are transformed to shades of raspberry during the dead of winter.

Isn't it beautiful how nature reveals her colors throughout the seasons #naturetherapy #puremichigan #miched

A photo posted by Rachelle Wynkoop (@rachellewynkoop) on Dec 12, 2015 at 11:15am PST

This time of dormancy, often seen as cold and lifeless, reveals the beauty hidden in the lush greenness of late spring and summer, or the colorful expression of fall.


As I discover little things on a path that I have traversed for years but never noticed, like this heart stump and heart on a tree, it makes me wonder if I am also missing those subtle details in those I love.

#Imperfectheartsareperfect #remembrance ##always

A photo posted by Rachelle Wynkoop (@rachellewynkoop) on Mar 19, 2016 at 9:22am PDT

Am I noticing the details that could change my practice at work? How I spend my time? Am I choosing to focus on what I may have missed instead of lamenting that this life is too routine? My prayer tonight is that like the discoveries on the trail, I keep my eyes and heart open to noticing the subtle expressions that make the people I encounter routinely unique.

On Behalf of a Grateful Nation

 I am honored to be surrounded by veterans. My husband was a Marine, my brother retired from the Navy SeaBees, my uncle is a Vietnam veteran, grandpa served in the Philipines during World War II; so I grew up with a respect for flag and service. But I watch the struggle to acclimate to civilian life, to living in a family, after experiences of combat. I've been wrestling with what our nation, or any nation really, asks of the men and women who serve in military. What it takes to become a soldier, battle ready.

My nephew, Capt. Jonathan Wynkoop, was killed during military exercises on March 31st of this year. He is my sister-in-law and brother-in-law's only child. He leaves behind his wife and three beautiful children.

A moving part of a military funeral is the presentation of a flag to the solder's surviving family. Sitting next to my in-laws during Jonathan's funeral allowed me to experience this moment. So bittersweet. After the playing of Taps, the flag that has been draped over the casket is folded, with military precision, and then presented to the family. A soldier, kneeling in front of the widow, mother or next of kin, looks the family member in the eye and repeats these words...

"This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army as a token of appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service."

What will remain with me of this day, is the unwavering voice of the solider presenting the flag. In difficult circumstances, in the presence of pure grief, we once again ask our soldiers to conduct themselves beyond the emotion of the moment. To look a loved one in the eye and say "On Behalf of a Grateful Nation". God bless the soldiers that answer not only the call to protect our nation, but to serve in these moments of ceremony.

Love and Remembrance my sweet nephew.

We Become What We Believe

"In today’s meditation, we learn that our beliefs are always in motion, constantly influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Our unconscious beliefs are always affecting us as well. To use the power of belief to our greatest benefit, we need to become self-aware. In doing so, we attune our beliefs to our deepest spiritual aspirations."

Meditation is not a practice that I do well. Even my stillness often comes in movement, which is why I try to find trail time most every day. So here I am again, learning through meditation and growing my practice. It is a form of self awareness, but not what I assume Deepak meant in the quote above. Just as beliefs are always in motion, so are my thoughts. How do we become self aware? Is part of the awareness an awakening to our "deepest spiritual aspirations" or should we already be aware of this aspirations and align our beliefs in order to manifest? Stilling my mind always means an explosion of questioning thoughts!

My deepest spiritual aspirations have evolved. At one time, the emphasis would have been an influence on the salvation of souls; but as my beliefs have separated from the faith of my childhood I find myself focusing on working on my own growth. Spiritually, I aspire to bring peace with my presence. If I am living in each moment, then spirit may use me. The shift in emphasis for me is instead of doing, or responsibility, it is a matter of being.

So my fellow Meditators, what is your spiritual aspiration? And how do you work to become self-aware?

Thankfulness and gratitude today for the great team I work with. We are afforded many opportunities to practice being in the moment!

What's In A Name?

"A name is important. It isn't something you drop in the litter basket or on the ground. Your name is how people know you. The very mention of your name makes a picture spring to mind, whether it's a picture of clashing fists or a mighty mountain that can't be knocked down. Your name is who you are and how you're known even when you do something great or something dumb."  ~Rita Williams-Garcia from One Crazy Summer

For the past five years, it has been my honor and privilege to participate in a memorial event for those who have suffered pregnancy and infant loss. I remember the first year was so bittersweet, having lost my niece Phoebe after only one month with us. My sister partnered with a woman that was planning the event and it has become a family commitment from the first. The memorial gives space to the grief and remembrance necessary as part of the healing process. While emotionally difficult, every year there is a special story or family that attends for the first time, getting the support they need, in just the right way and at just the right time. An important part of the event is remembering and honoring the babies by name. This has been my contribution, speaking the names of the infants and babies lost as we remember them through wish paper, the lighting of a candle or some other memorial ritual. The speaking of the babies names is important, I think, because it doesn't happen often. For many years, people handled loss by not speaking of loss or remembering the child. But for a grieving heart, someone holding space in remembrance, especially by speaking a name, turns an every day practice, speaking a name, into a sacred event.

This year, my son agreed to record the stories of any parents who wished to share in remembrance. There were two moms who talked with Bennett while being recorded. I share with you in the video below the story of Elsie. My heart is full in gratitude that I was given the privilege to be the first to speak her name.

As we enter this holiday season, be kind in remembrance of those who are grieving, especially the loss of a child. Whether a new reality or decades old, the holidays can bring a fresh depth to the pain. I am grateful today, for the lessons I have learned from my friends and my sister who have lost a child or children and manage to continue to figure out how to continue to contribute to the betterment of our world. May they be blessed as they have blessed me.