What's In A Name?

"A name is important. It isn't something you drop in the litter basket or on the ground. Your name is how people know you. The very mention of your name makes a picture spring to mind, whether it's a picture of clashing fists or a mighty mountain that can't be knocked down. Your name is who you are and how you're known even when you do something great or something dumb."  ~Rita Williams-Garcia from One Crazy Summer

For the past five years, it has been my honor and privilege to participate in a memorial event for those who have suffered pregnancy and infant loss. I remember the first year was so bittersweet, having lost my niece Phoebe after only one month with us. My sister partnered with a woman that was planning the event and it has become a family commitment from the first. The memorial gives space to the grief and remembrance necessary as part of the healing process. While emotionally difficult, every year there is a special story or family that attends for the first time, getting the support they need, in just the right way and at just the right time. An important part of the event is remembering and honoring the babies by name. This has been my contribution, speaking the names of the infants and babies lost as we remember them through wish paper, the lighting of a candle or some other memorial ritual. The speaking of the babies names is important, I think, because it doesn't happen often. For many years, people handled loss by not speaking of loss or remembering the child. But for a grieving heart, someone holding space in remembrance, especially by speaking a name, turns an every day practice, speaking a name, into a sacred event.

This year, my son agreed to record the stories of any parents who wished to share in remembrance. There were two moms who talked with Bennett while being recorded. I share with you in the video below the story of Elsie. My heart is full in gratitude that I was given the privilege to be the first to speak her name.

As we enter this holiday season, be kind in remembrance of those who are grieving, especially the loss of a child. Whether a new reality or decades old, the holidays can bring a fresh depth to the pain. I am grateful today, for the lessons I have learned from my friends and my sister who have lost a child or children and manage to continue to figure out how to continue to contribute to the betterment of our world. May they be blessed as they have blessed me.