UofM and M&Ms

 The Secret

In a departure from the usual tone of my blog, I find that a crisis point has been reached that requires immediate attention. Yes, its is crunch time for my beloved University of Michigan Football team. There is no explanation necessary for fans. For those of you are are not fans, return to my blog another day.

You see, I have the secret to a UofM win. That's right folks, a tried and true method that is guaranteed to have the Maize and Blue victorious. It is a long-held sacred tradition in my family. It began when...oh, who am I kidding. I made it up. Thank you to my friend, Mindy, for reminding me that I was not attending to my rituals. I apologize to the team for slacking off during the early part of the season. In my defense, I found that even sacred rituals couldn't help during the Rich Rod era. But as we are now in the glorious age of the return of the Michigan Man, I will slack no more.

Here is the secret, step-by-step, to ensuring a victory.

•  Buy a bag of M&M's. It can be an individual bag or a two pound bag or anything in between. Your choice. Varieties acceptable are plain, peanut and almond. Mostly because I like my chocolate with nuts, but don't want to exclude the purists (this would be for my sister Kim, who is the UofM alum in the family). It is NOT acceptable to buy mint (too "green"), peanut butter or any other nontraditional combination.
•  Pour the bag into a bowl. This is very important. Clear is better. You need to see every M&M.
• Commence eating in the following order:

1. During the 1st quarter ALL red M&M's must be consumed. I am confident that this needs no explanation.  Do not eat any other M&M's except the red ones.
2. During the 2nd quarter ALL green M&M's must be consumed. See above for lack of additional explanation.
3. During the 3rd quarter consume all remaining M&M's EXCEPT the blue and gold.
4. 4th quarter you bring home the win by savoring the blue and gold. 

Well there you have it. I've posted this with enough time for you to run to the store and get your M&M's before the start of the game. GO BLUE!!!

Mighty Lessons

For those of you following my blog, I have referenced a dear little friend from St. Louis, Oakes Ortyl, and his amazing family in the past. Unfortunately, last week Oakes valiant battle came to an end. Anyone interested in his story can go to the blog his parents have kept.. Greg and Becky, his parents, have created The Mighty Oakes Heart Foundation in his honor to help families dealing with congenital heart disorders. They are planning a great celebration of his life this Saturday, starting with a morning mass and spending the rest of the day at the Worlds Fair Park. I'm disappointed that I can't attend, but will be celebrating with them, wearing my blue and joyfully remembering all of the miracles that were part of his 16 Months with us. Those who have followed Oakes story were asked to share with the family the lessons they have learned from Oakes. I feel blessed to have been one of the few people outside immediate family and hospital staff that actually met this amazing little man. Following is what I sent to Oakes parents as a reflection of what I have learned from Oakes:

As I reflect upon the lessons I've learned from knowing Oakes and following his story it is almost like unweaving a blanket. At times it's difficult to trace where each heart string begins. So I suppose the lessons begin with how I met Oakes and his amazing mother Becky. In May of 2011 my precious nephew Ronan was transferred to St. Louis Children's Hospital in the hope that he would be able to receive a life saving lung transplant. We had lost his beautiful baby sister, Phoebe, just the year before to a rare lung disorder that they shared, ACD. All of our hopes were in this slight possibility for a chance at life. As we live in Michigan, one of the difficult aspects of Ronan's journey was being away from him and his mother, my sister, for extended periods. The first visit after the initial, harrowing transfer over Mother's Day weekend was filled with joy. Ronan was stabilized, on a transplant list and we were cautiously optimistic with the limited odds for a successful outcome. But the most amazing aspect of that particular trip was the change in my sister. You see, there are some amazing moms out there; that in spite of the worst experiences a parent could face, were willing to open themselves up to others. To share in this scary journey that involved lung transplant. The joy, sorrow and fear experienced by each only intensified when you became close to other babies and their families. And so Becky and Gregg have endured ups and downs, amazing joy and far more losses, as many of the sweet babies journeys were not to continue here on earth. I am humbled by the genuine love and care these parents give to one another and I know that it is this spirit that is reflected in the joy we see in so many of the pictures of Oakes and Isla. If I tug at those strings a little bit I find some that definitely are connected right to Oakes.

 First, joy and love is evident on the faces of those who experience the purest delight not in things but in being with one another. If you visit the Ortyls blog you can see the amazing pictures that have been taken. The way Greg and Becky look at Oakes. But especially the way Oakes looked at Isla. Delight and joy because of her presence. And I ask myself, do the faces of my family reflect this joy just by me being present with them? If not, what do I need to change about our relationship so that we are centered on the true purpose and meaning of our time together. I hope this will make me a better wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend. 

Second, every time I saw a picture of Oakes smiling my breathe would catch. I've experienced first hand the reality of babies in intensive care. They live with tubes, medication and discomfort for much of the time. And yet, that beautiful smile. Filled with more and more teeth as he grew. What could possibly be so overwhelming in my life that I could not find something to smile about? If Oakes could smile, so could I. Even if there are times I have to smile through the tears.

 Third, I've learned that friendships that will last forever can be forged in the shortest periods of time. Place and circumstance can bind together people that otherwise may never have crossed paths.

 Last, I learned that real love and friendship is not envious. You see, we received word that Oakes would be receiving his lung transplant on the day of Ronan's memorial service. My brave, strong amazing nephew did not make it to transplant. Yet, in the midst of our sorrow there was hope. And joy. And wishing. That Ronan's journey would not be Oakes. That our pain and loss would not be Gregg and Becky's and Isla 'sWe rejoiced that day and shared with everyone the news, taking deep breathes with Oakes. There is comfort in the joy of those you love. There was no time for what ifs, there was only rejoicing that Oakes journey would continue. Every moment of Oakes journey my family was believing, and praying and breathing life for Oakes.  Oakes has taught me that joy and sorrow are a shared experience of our humanity. To realize that we are all connected in this powerful way because of our shared experience is a lesson that can be applied beyond the boundary of Oakes time here with us. It is a thought, that if put  to action, could just maybe change the way we view our world.  Gratitude today for the amazing mothers of angels who inspire and influence me daily. To my sister Kim, my friend of strength Pamela, and my new forever friends Chrissy and Becky. Your angels live on in remembrance in my heart.

What are we for?

There has been much discussion the last couple of weeks about a George Lucas film about the Tuskegee Airmen called Red Tails. I was intrigued to learn, wile watching an Oprah special, that the film was difficult to market because it was "black history" with an all black cast. Sometimes I marvel at how out of touch I really am. Apparently, there is no market over seas for movies that are other-than-white demographically specific. Reading the reviews since the release there is criticism regarding the message itself but that isn't the point. The broad discussion is that if this film does not succeed, there will continue to be the reality that people are only interested in seeing stories about the white experience. Heavy responsibility for a film. But what caught my attention was the campaign to promote the film. Kevin Ross, a former California Superior Court Judge, heard about it and used his facebook page to promote the film. Not to black friends, but to all friends. In his interview about the influence of his post, he states "Instead of talking about what you are against, let’s start talking about what we are for and using our dollars to make that statement." Profound.  And so much easier to stay in the spirit of Gratitude when we focus on what we are for.

So what am I for? I know that I am for opportunity, why is why Heifer International is one of my favorite charities to support. Providing opportunity through education is how I live my life. I am for supporting the ground roots, make a difference in a small way (and hopefully encouraging a "tipping point") which is why on Wear Red for Heart Disease Friday I share the Mighty Oakes Heart Foundation at a presentation. Because I know that a family living the reality can make decisions about what other families need in a way that is often lost by a larger organization or institution. I am for love, in whatever form it comes. I am for hope. So today I am grateful that a film about a moment in black history, that I consider AMERICAN history, has provided a focus for my new year. What are you for? And how will you use your dollars to make that statement? Inspire on.

Defining Gratitude

Almost a month into the new year, I'm finally feeling at peace with the direction I want to take with the blog. So here it goes! Working through the Simple Abundance journal last year forced me to work through specific ways to stretch and grow. This year, I feel the need to to see where this will take me. The most significant lesson to me was the need to live my life in the spirit of gratitude. Maybe this resonated because it was often the hardest lesson. Yes, even harder than being forced to shop for clothes or spend money on things for myself! With the loss of my sweet nephew Ronan, so quickly after the loss of my niece Phoebe, left me too often wanting to raise my voice to the Universe at the unfairness of it all. And sometimes I did. But.....gratitude does not imply that nothing is wrong. That we have no reason to be angry or frightened. Gratitude, to me, really became the life line of hope. If I could find nothing to be grateful for, I could not be used to complete the tasks or fulfill the purpose for which I was born. Gratitude does not take away the pain, the sorrow, the loss, the disappointment. It allows me to survive those things, to ride the wave and to truly process the effect.

I am different today. And it is a good different. I try to laugh more and judge less. I'm focusing on what has been accomplished in my house instead of how long it is taking to get it done. I marvel at my son's accomplishments instead of focusing on the times he has stumble or fallen short of my expectations. And in all of these things I often fall short. Feel free to remind me when I do! So my questions for today is: How do you define gratitude? That's what I'm reflecting upon today-creating a working definition of gratitude. Hoping your definition can inspire mine. Please share.

Gifts of the Magi

As my spiritual belief system has shifted I have grappled with what this now means as I observe holidays with my family. Having always related to the symbolic meeting more than literal interpretation I find that this is usually easier than I had thought it would be as I can strongly connect to the symbolism. In my family, we always approached Santa as a symbol of the season. He never visited our house, although Bennett understood that this was a fun thing that other families did. I have reflected on how the season is celebrated for several reasons this year; losses; the "santa truth" revealed to a niece; and finally, so many people in need that almost any version of Christmas gifting seems inappropriate. But it was a special friend, honoring the fear in her daughter, that made me truly think about how the season should be celebrated. What a wise woman to know if a toddler is uncomfortable sitting on the lap of a man you honor that sense of self. So this blog is dedicated to Becky.. One of those mommies that humbles me daily on her Mighty journey. I have never approached blogging the journal in this fashion before, but I`m going to include almost the entire entry and let the journal speak for itself. "....real role of gifts in the Christmas story. Those gifts were wrapped in miracles...the first gift was of Sirit; unconditional Love. The next gift came from a Jewish teenager, Mary. Her Christmas present was selflessness, the complete surrender of ego and will needed to bring heaven down to earth. The gifts of her fiancé, Joseph, were trust and faith. He trusted that Mary wasn`t pregnant with another man`s child; he believed thtat there really was a Divine Plan to get them through this mess. The Child brought forgiveness. Wholeness. Second changes. The angel`s gifts were tidings of comfort, joy and peace, the reassurance that there was nothing to fear, so rejoice. The shepherd boy`s gift was generosity: his favorite lamb for the baby`s birthday present. The innkeeper`s wife`s gifts were compassion and charity: a warm, dry safe place for the homeless family to stay, her best coverlet to wrap the new mother and little one, a meal for Joseph, the donkey`s fresh hay." Three kings travelled to seek a Prince and found him in a cow stall instead of a palace. "they unwrapped gold, frankincense and myrrh, but their Real gifts were wonder, acceptance and courage....yes, Christmas is all about gifts. nothing but gifts. But such gifts! Gifts tied with heartstrings. Gifts that surprise and delight. Gifts that transform the mundane into the miraculouos. Gifts that nurture the souls of both the giver anad the given. Perfect gifts. Authentic gifts. The gifts of the Spirit....the gifts of the Maji. Unconditional Love. Selflessness. Trust. Faith. Forgiveness. Wholeness. Second Chances. Comfort. Joy. Peace. Reassurance. Rejoicing. Generosity. compassion. Charity. Wonder. Acceptance. Courage. To give such gifts. To truly open our hearts to receive such gifts gratefully. Christmas just won`t be Christmas without any presents." Grateful for: 1. Unexpected family visits. 2. Sunshine instead of gloomy skies today. 3. Children who love books as gifts.

All Shall Be Well

As winter break begins I feel as if I finally have time to reflect in a thoughtful way. It`s a tough season. Somehow the "tidings of comfort and joy" have not yet found me. I`m not just bogged down by my own sense of loss, but by those around me. People special to me are dealing with this holiday season as probably the last they will spend with a loved one. My husband lives this reality everyday in his hospice work. I`m not sure how he does it. In an attempt to find the lesson, or good, in these difficult circumstances (it`s what we Pollyanna types do) I thought about what I would do differently if I knew this was my last holiday with a loved one. It isn`t much of a reach, having lived this with Phoebe and Ronan everyday of their short lives except the day of their birth. Every moment was treasured, gathered into my heart, living more fully in the moment than at any other time. How do I take this lesson to the rest of my life. I will admit that it is tempting to just be so appreciative that I am blessed with a wonderful son that I ignore the little things (like grades, and messy rooms and forgotten chores) and focus on the wonder that is this man in the making. My husband is a kind and considerate man. I need to concentrate on the everyday small things that he does for me instead of the add induced forgetfulness or difficulties. I can choose to focus on the good, the small, the victories, the intentions of the heart. Yes, all of these ideas are things that I should do as a reflection of the abundance of good that fills my life. And I do. But for me the danger comes in dwelling on the "what ifs". If I treat those I love as if it is the end of our time together I live in constant fear that it is the end of our time together. Part of the problem with life is that it often gets messy. What will we do with the mess? To me, the hardest part is the guilt from the realization that our lives will go on. It almost seems as if we are caught between the grief of loss and the reality of our life. Sometimes the living feels uncomfortable, almost a "how can we" if our grief is real. So it comes down to choices. I believe that we honor those whom we have lost, or know that we will lose soon, by living. Living more reflectively, with purpose, aware of those simple things that truly are blessings, but still living. Unfortunately for Bennett this means he will still be grounded if he gets bad grades (my version of bad ;) )and yelled at for a messy bedroom. I wish I didn't yell, but the fact is that I do. Maybe I`ve found my New Years Resolution for 2012. It`s about balance. Which seems to be the key to just about any circumstance or situation. In all of the circumstances of loss that surround me this year, I am struck by an amazing realization. Whether the loss of a parent, sweet babies gone to soon, or the anticipated loss of a sister, all of these amazing people are loved, have known love, have been figuratively and literally wrapped in arms of love. This is a simple abundance. For those who have suffered loss and those suffering at the thought of loss. I find comfort in the Harry Potter series for this reason. It all comes down to love. Those who have known it are forever changed and physical death and separation do not sever the ties and bonds of love. The November 26th entry in the Simple Abundance journal has a prayer from a 13th Century mystic, Damme Julian of Norwich, that I find comforting. All shall be well, And all shall be well, And all manner of things shall be well. The reflection is one that I turn to almost every day. "Some mysteries are beyond our comprehension. Some mysteries we will never solve. Never know. ..... Sometimes we can`t make sense of it. Sometimes none of it makes sense. Sometimes it just is. But if we can hold on long enough for this night to give way to another, all shall be we'll, even if it`s different from what we had expected. Even if it`s different from what we had hoped for and believed with all our hearts would happen". There isn`t a false hope that things will be good or ok, that they will be well implies that we will make it. I will meditate daily on hope and peace for my friends and loved ones. Expressing gratitude for: 1. a sister who make the choice every day to continue to live, not just be alive. My life is richer because of her. 2. friends who don`t get upset by broken Christmas ornaments (sorry Lori!) 3. Christmas mugs from which to drink my tea during the holiday season .

Embracing the Ebb

The story in Simple Abundance of a melancholy Queen may seem a little disconnected from our realities, but the message is profound in its simplicity. The entry ends with "This, too, shall pass". Both an inspiration and a fear. The focus as we begin November is to prepare for the year's closure. For some this is a melancholy time. Maybe hopes, dreams and aspirations will not only not be realized but forever lost. Maybe goals set at the inspirational beginning of the year were quickly abandoned. But the message here is deeper than the story. Melancholy has set in. Not the can't get off the couch kind. I once had a doctor ask me about being depressed. When I asked her to define it she clarified. Do I spend the day in bed because I can't face the day? Am I unable to keep my commitments for work, family or child schedules. I remember asking if those things were an option! Do people really get to choose those things? How do the bills get paid? The clothes get washed? Maybe if I had known those things were options I would have considered them. She assured me this was just an indication that I wasn't depressed (a symptom of a syndrome that I have). But melancholy, well that's a different beast. To me the difference is that even while I attend to those daily responsibilities I can't shake the feeling of dread, of despair, of hopelessness. I'm just going through the motions. And while there are reasons, it still isn't a pleasant place to be.

Back to the queen. The wise gardener is the only one in the kingdom willing to incur her wrath in an effort to help. He tells her that "Earthly souls ebb and flow in sorrow and joy according to the seasons of emotion, just as the seasons of the natural world move through the cycle of life, death and rebirth". We often forget to look to the natural world, the seasons, for guidance. As we enter this season we must remember that even as "the season of daylight diminishes and the time of darkness increases" "the true Light is never extinguished in the natural world, and it is the same in your soul". We need to remember to "embrace the ebb", and "not fear the darkness". And there is a promise in this. For just as the seasons complete their annual cycle "Light will return and you will know contented hours once again. Of this I am sure". While the season of darkness, of winter, of the stillness that seems as death is upon us, it is from this time of rest that rebirth occurs. The spring is coming. The promise of light and rebirth; of hope. In the meantime, I'll be riding the ebb and flow. Learning from this season with the promise that this, too, shall pass.

Expressing gratitude today for:
1. the comfortable chair I sit on every day at work (a Christmas present from Bennett)
2. the excitement I share with my students as they plan their future (college acceptances are starting to roll in!)
3. a special date day with Bennett last Saturday at his favorite place in the world