I was dutifully attending to the journal the last couple of days (like taking your vitamins because it's good for you, not because you enjoy it), considering the issue of color. I actually went shopping and put this to use. Yes, I bought clothes! I have a very patient teenage son who spent more of an afternoon than he wanted holding clothes and shuffling through stores. I did get him a dog, so he was very forgiving ;) Let's be clear, I still went the TJ Maxx route. Not a "maxinista" yet, but do have some classic with a twist choices that will serve me well for the rest of the school year. Color is also rolling through my mind as Bob puts the final mud coat on the new drywall in the dining room. I've complained that it wasn't ready for me to paint at the end of break, but I still don't know what color I'm going to use. Guess I should think about that (and all the hard work Bob has put into the project) before I say anything else.
And then yesterday appears, blindsiding me a bit. Affordable luxury. Doesn't seem like it should hit with a reality that has had me thinking for over 24 hours before blogging. Defining overtly the Simple Abundance path as a balance between being frugal and spending what we can't afford. "A daily meditation on the true comfort and joy of moderation, as well as gentle instruction on how to become open to receiving the goodness of Real Life". Had to read that last bit again. "how to become open to receiving the goodness of Real Life". I have not been open. Somewhere along the way I closed myself off to receiving. I love to give. Receiving is harder. It implies that I'm not able to do everything on my own. Could be those control issues that I deal with. That I thought I had made real progress toward balancing. But maybe I am and that's why I now have to continue to move forward in balance. As I was chewing on THAT, I reached the next paragraph, discussing how the Universe isn't stingy people are. Automatically I reject that because I KNOW that I'm not stingy. Yeah! And then I keep reading. About how people aren't stingy with friends, family, those in need. But stingy in how we treat ourselves. Ouch. Got me again.
This lesson is going to be ongoing for "Simple Abundance is about finally learning how to release feelings of poverty and lack and replace them with feelings of prosperity and affluence". Even when I actually lived in poverty as a teenager I don't remember feeling disconnected from the feeling of worthiness. Not sure where "I'm not worth it" has come from, but it definitely needs to go. Am making progress as I bought myself an extra shirt today! That means mix and match and choices. In fact, as we went to leave the outlet I was going to return it. I don't really "need" an extra shirt. Thankfully my husband recognizes my issues and talked me into keeping it. At least for now. I can always return it later if it doesn't work. A partner that "gets" us is also a special gift from the Universe. Today I declare myself open to receiving all the abundance that the Universe is ready to bestow. And understand that this means looking at each day as having the possibility for being a special occasion if I learn to "receive with grace and a grateful heart".
Expressing gratitude today for:
1. An in tune partner--clueing in the to the little things when I least expect it
2. The smile on my son's face every time he looks at his new dog
3. Time with my sister-gratitude and blessing her way
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