Living with Gratitude: The Things That Matter

Watching my Dvrd Super Soul Sunday (from the OWN network) Nate Berkus interview today has me inspired to blog. Finally. The program was a two-part series, focusing on his design book about your home being a reflection of who you are instead of a decorator's plan. I worked really hard not to look around my house, afraid of the reflection everyone who walks in my house sees! But the book is more than your average design book (of course, or it wouldn't be a two-part interview on SSS!). Woven throughout the book are the stories of the people and experiences, what really matters, that have inspired his design. The second part of the interview was really a discussion of his experience surviving the Tsunami that took the life of his partner. I always get nervous when people talk about loss and the grief process. So many times the answers seem insensitive or create more reasons in my mind why the situation is unique. But when the teaser leading up to the interview was Nate sharing "I don't recognize the person I was before the tsunami". Ahh. That I could get. I watch those that I love, who have lost infants, struggle with this "new normal". The new part is understandable. I think it's the "normal" moniker that's worrisome. How can the feeling of grief, at times crippling, be a norm? A season of grief yes, but to think that the overwhelming feeling of grief and loss will actually become normal. In some ways this thought can perpetuate the feeling of helplessness. That the world will never be right again.

There was the uncomfortable moment (for me) when Oprah offered Nate an explanation of his loss
shortly after his return home. For any explanation I hear just does not make sense to me when it is
applied to a sweet, innocent baby. Oprah's explanation worked for Nate, and I'm ok with that.
Because the powerful truth was not in the explanation, but the take-aways that Nate shared.

Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. There isn't a wrong way to grieve. I would add that this doesn't excuse mean or insensitive behavior. Grief isn't an excuse for poor behavior. But the pacing is important. How do you determine how long is enough to grieve a life that was never really lived? Is the assumed length of the life too much?
Honor those lost by living your life. Wow. Hard. But true. I watch my sister and friends, whom I call mommies of loss, honor the lives of their infants, DAILY, by living theirs lives. And it's hard. Everyday. But they do. By supporting one another and by creating a better experience for those in similar situations (check out The Might Oakes Foundation, the Wrapped In Love Project and Caps For Collins Facebook pages).

Which brings us to the Things That Matter. And for me, they aren't "things" oh I appreciate nice
things. Often wish I had some more of them. But pottery platters can break (still trying to let go of that one!), cars rust and material possessions can't give us a hug. Or hold our hand. or make me smile just by walking in a room. So changing the gratitude format slightly tonight, I'm going to identify what really matters to me.

First and foremost is my son. My world view shifted the moment he was born. Being Bennett's mom has made me a better person, teacher and spiritual being. Family in general is important, both my family of blood and my family of the heart (you know who you are!).

The second thing that matters to me is connecting with nature. From hiking, walking, bird watching and my need to be near water, I am better when I make this connection. Today was a beautiful 7 mile walk with my dog that included a path through the snowy woods. Birds chirped, the sun shone, and my spirit was renewed (I'm sure the Vitamin D fix in winter helped!).