Sympathetic Joy

As I contemplated my Word of Intent at the end of 2017, I knew that I needed to be very deliberate in my choice for 2018. When I began 2017, the meaning that I had placed on my word "adventure" did not prepare me for the true ride, with significant life changes, that the year would bring. When I chose to be intentional with "joy" for 2018, I was inspired by two things. First, The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. A remarkable journey of friendship and how, in the face of many challenges, both have chose to traverse this life with a focus on joy. Second, I had to find a word that when the intent came back to me in ways that I could not imagine, it would not be experiences that would kick me in the butt! Joy. How could one possibly have too much joy?

So at the beginning of the year, I "joyfully" ordered my Word of Intent bracelet, found meditations, essays and quotes that would inspire me on those days that what was happening TO me did not bring a feeling of happiness. The teachings of the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu challenge us that Joy is not a feeling, it is a choice. Of how to respond, interact and live.

"No dark fate determines the future. We do. Each day and each moment, we are able to create and re-create our lives and the very quality of human life on our planet. This is the power we wield.

Lasting happiness cannot be found in pursuit of any goal or achievement. It does not reside in fortune or fame. It resides only in the human mind and heart, and it is here that we hope you will find it." The Book of Joy p. ix

Joyfully confronting the challenges presented each day (ummm, well, you know, working on it), I was working on finding joy in first world problems like a long commute (audio books, sunrise during part of the year), in alone time (instead of being lonely), and work challenges. I wouldn't say "I've got this", but I did feel like it was a great focus and I was using tools I'd gathered to focus on my intent.

That should have been a glaring sign to me. Less than a quarter of the way through the year and my intention felt doable, under control? The Universe doesn't work that way, at least for me! And so at a yoga class last Sunday, with a teacher that brings a more spiritual perspective to the practice, she introduced us to The Third Abode of the Buddha. Not being a Buddhist, I wasn't aware of the four abodes. And still couldn't tell you what are the first, second and fourth abodes. But the third abode, as she began to challenge us, felt personal. Sympathetic joy. I began an internal dialogue immediately, which began with , "Great, I knew it wouldn't be this easy!" to "Oh, I can do this. I'm always happy when my friends experience joy, success, adventures".  This is a great week to practice sympathetic joy, with most of my friends away to places warm to celebrate Spring Break as I continue to work. From Hawaiian honeymoon to Gulf Coast beach vacations, Mexico to the Florida Keys, I can choose to focus on what I'm not experiencing, or find joy in the pictures, message and experiences my friends are enjoying. But this just feels like a continuation of joy as a choice. It isn't difficult for me to be sincerely happy for those I love to find love and joy in experience and relationships. If it's this easy, I'm missing something.

I returned to The Book of Joy, and did a bit of reading on Sympathetic Joy, finding two ways to apply this to my intent this year. The first can be as simple as sharing the joy of my friends on vacation while I work through the cold Michigan spring and maybe for many this is a starting place. It certainly was to me over the years. This season connected me with a deeper meaning of Sympathetic Joy. This is the weeks of celebration of birthdays and losses for my niece, nephew and the babies we grew to love that are no longer with us. In celebration and remembrance, I remembered a time that I was called upon to express Sympathetic Joy. On the very night that we were preparing for the memorial of my nephew Ronan, we received the call that one of the sweet babies we loved would be receiving a lung transplant. Too late for Ronan, so many what ifs. And yet, never wanting another family to experience the loss and grief that surrounded our family, we rejoiced in the hope of the hour for them. There were questions. There were moments of bitterness. There was an intensity of grief in juxtaposition of the hope now offered to someone else. Joy in their Joy. In spite of our own grief and loss. Honestly, there were moments. And they became easier, and more meaningful, after the first initial weekend of misplaced timing. Heartstrings are powerful, and living in another's hope can bring its own joy.

I am grateful that this moment of Sympathetic Joy stands so clearly in my memory. For it is a difficult one. One that I'm hopeful that I rarely experience, but one that serves as an example of the tendency to do work that is surface instead of risking the intensity that is required for real work, that moves us toward gratitude and mindfulness that is not situational, to continue on this journey to becoming all that we are meant to be.

Today I'm grateful for a life that brings me peace, for friends who make it easy to feel Sympathetic Joy, and for the lessons that are continually presented to me on my journey.