Lessons From Goals Not Met

Reflection on the Old Before Ringing in the New

I've never been one for resolutions, at the start of a year or any time, but several years ago as part of living more intentionally in gratitude I found the idea of setting goals for the year a productive way of narrowing my focus. Education as a profession includes goal setting to measure achievement, so I have found myself, at times, focusing on the competition of completing the goals instead of the intention of the goal, the tendency to place emphasis on achievement over growth. This year, having not reached two of the goals that I thought were very in reach, well three if you count a failed marriage, I've spent my time reflecting on why the goals weren't achieved instead of ruminating on the failure. Perhaps I should have been a bit more cognizant of choosing "adventure" as my one word for 2017. I experienced a bit more "adventure" than I had envisioned!

Goal #1: Number of books read. I've set my goal at 75 for the past three years and always go well above this number. I am a prolific reader, and even as I transitioned out of being a school librarian, I read every day. It is my end of the day ritual, even if I've found no time the rest of the day. This year, I only read 50 books. I know that many people look at that at as an accomplishment, but again, this is a goal not met. A goal previously met. And in fairness, if I allowed myself to count my chick lit, I would more than meet the 75 book goal. But I don't. Or at least, never have. So that is also a reflection, why I choose to not count some material. And the answer to that makes me comfortable with my choice. While I share much of my life on social media, including GoodReads for reading and a Facebook Reading Challenge book, I know some of the books I read would make those I'm connected to uncomfortable. And, as an educator, when I began sharing my reading practice on Social Media I was still a school librarian. How much of me am I willing to have as an "open book" (pun intended)? This was reinforced recently when I attended a presentation on human trafficking, horrific reality in my own little corner of the world, as well as world-wide. Great information was shared, and a sense of shared responsibility for recognizing the vulnerable. However, when the faith-based organization representative concluded that much of the problem is "50 Shades of Grey" readers and movie goers, who normalize abuse (her words), she lost me. She hasn't read the stories. Not that I want her to read them. And am totally ok with people being offended and concerned by the subject matter. But, in all its non-literary value, the books do NOT glorify abuse. And I was glad she couldn't go to my GoodReads account and see that I have read the series.

Favorite book read of 2017

Goal #2: Number of miles trailed. This was going to be the year. The year I laughed at a measly 1200 miles and left it in my dust. I loftily set the goal of 1500 miles, determined that every day miles, as well as my focus on adventuring to trails near and far, would definitely hit 1500. Come September, it was apparent that I would not meet that goal, so adjusted it to 1300. I finished at 1292.7.

Peace and joy in the beauty of nature

An important aspect of reflection is to not allow it to be about excuses, but a consideration of all aspects, including were the goals appropriate in the first place. If I had the gift of clairvoyance, and was able to see when setting these goals what "adventure" in 2017 would like..... Who am I kidding. I would have set the unrealistic goals anyway. Which means I have to look at finding the balance in goal setting between appropriate level of challenge in a realistically achievable measure. And the reality is I've had significant life changes in 2017.

First, a new job. The search for which was not a desire on my part for a change, but the reality of my eliminated position. It is a bit stressful, even with reassurance of placement, to be in limbo for almost two months. The resulting change in districts is a great fit, with new challenges, title and compensation. But it comes with a year-round schedule (I know, you non-educators are rolling your eyes) and a 45 minute minimum one-way commute. Those time realities significantly impacted my ability to meet reading and trail mile goals. But the rewards! Grateful every day for this opportunity to work with amazing educators, moving forward in transformative practice, to provide students with life skills and content knowledge.

Chasing waterfalls in Iceland

Second, the empty nest. When the only little egg in your basket (it's tough being an only child!) is ready to begin semi-adulting, the emotions run between "thank God he's ready" and "oh dear Lord, he's really leaving me for good". I have enjoyed the process of watching my son mature into a young man learning to make his way in this world, but man, the space that is left empty seems so much bigger than his 6'2" frame would suggest. Top this with the dissolution of a long marriage, and suddenly I am living alone for the first time in, well, ever. There are moments that it is peaceful and glorious. There are moments that are filled with the stark reality of aloneness.

While the life changes experience during my year of "adventure" certainly contributed to goals not being met, more important in my reflection over the past several days has been what I did experience as a result of not meeting those goals. And that is where I find my gratitude. The truth is that with increased obligations of time that is not flexible, the goals of reading books and completing trail miles is in itself competitive. I don't like to listen to music, podcasts or audio books on the trail. I want to hear the water, the leaves, the wind, the birds. And so when I'm trailing, I can't be reading. And when I'm reading I can't be trailing. And the truth is that I NEED trails, in woods, near water. It is my therapy, my medicine, the way I maintain balance, clarity and do my best thinking. And so it is with choices. I chose vacations that did not allow me to trail significant miles, but the adventure and experiences far outweighed the lack of miles.

 

As I closed the year, I had the opportunity to make choices, especially in completing the adjusted mileage goal. I could have done it. But what would I have missed? Time. Time with ones I love, opportunities that are not of the every day. Mile stone birthdays, parties, surprise weddings, and even time spent waiting for adventures that did not happen. All connected me with those I love, with memories that will last a lifetime and bond me in new ways. All in all, goals not met is not necessarily a bad thing.

Cheers to besties

Today I'm grateful for:

• "Besties" from childhood. Neither time nor geographical space has separated us. Especially as we move into the time of middle age, the deep rooted connections, love and acceptance are a life string.
• Living in a time when being a single, adult woman is not a sentence of poverty and social scorn. My best life will be what I create.
• Cold gear. Long live wool!