Style

Leah Feldon-Mitchell defines style as "the intersection of what you wear with who you are". An important concept, according to Linda Ellerbee is that "Styles, like everything else, change. Style doesn't."To me this is an important consideration in a simple abundance path.  It can seem overwhelming to keep up with styles. Takes time, energy and money. This is an area that I think I have achieved a sense of style. I don't care if skinny jeans are all the rage or blousy tops that look great on women without a chest. It doesn't like right on me. So I try to find the colors or silhouettes that match the season while staying true to my body type. That said, I refuse to wear leggings! I believe there was a time in the late 80's and early 90's where the only pants I owned were a form of leggings. I'm over it. Perhaps if the long sweaters and blousy shirts that look so great with the leggings looked good on me I would change my mind.

This reflection made me realize that I am more engaged in my sense of style and clothing than I had thought. Doesn't mean what is in my closet actually reflects all of this knowledge and style, but my comfort with styles that are appropriate and the confidence to not be swayed by the current styles that are not consistent with MY style are a great start. I'm enjoying my last week of corduroys for the school year!

Expressing gratitude today for:
1. a dental hygienist who can relate to my son. Never have anxiety at the dentist office with Carol!
2. Zingerman's chocolate cherry bread french toast for brinner.
3. Access to a variety of fresh fruits and veggies all year.

Never Too Late....

Saturday and Sunday's journal entries focused on the though that it's never too late. It all begins with a quote from George Eliot: "It is never too late to be what you might have been". This thought was very connected to an experience I had on a field trip last week. I was privileged to chaperone 3 very different groups of students together to the performance of "The Secret Life of Bees" at the Macomb Performing Arts Center. The American Place Theater has a traveling program "bringing literature to life" that travels across the U.S. reinterpreting literary novels in a one-person performance. The program begins with a discussion of the historical context of the book, a verbatim interpretation by an actor and a question and answer section. My students, of course, were the most well-behaved and attentive. So proud to accompany them! During the question and answer session the actor was asked when she began to perform. Imagine the students surprise (an auditorium of middle and high school students) when the answer was when she turned 34. The actor grew up in a very small town in Georgia, 30 miles from the nearest fast food restaurant. She had never even SEEN a play until she participated in one at 34. 20 years later she is traveling the country, presenting an interpretation of a beloved novel to students. Her advise? It's never to late to follow your dreams. The students were so inspired. So was I. There will be a time, sooner I believe than originally intended, when I will need an exit strategy from teaching. Scary. What will I do? What will I become? It's not even close to too late to start considering possibilities. Or, as Nancy Thayer reminds us "It's never to late--in fiction or in life--to revise".

Having been inspired by the quote and it leading to much reflection, I skimmed the ongoing focus on my wardrobe. I have no issue with getting rid of clothes. In fact, I have too little.My brother-in-law made the suggestion that I just bring a container of stuff to leave at their house for my long visits. I found it amusing that he thinks I have enough options to leave some of them in a tub 4 hours away! My problem is finding replacements. My short, curvy self is hard to fit! My comfort clothes reflect this, as in the winter it's my cords. I can look appropriate for school while being prepared to climb under, on and over equipment, haul tables for blood drive (actually happened yesterday) and still make a presentation to parents after school. Ok, I'll be honest. The corduroys were NOT the right choice for the parent meeting, but I was a fill-in. Did I mentioned I was dressed to drag tables for blood drive?

Finding inspiration in Sue Monk Kidd's writings lately. Especially enjoying "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter". The first chapter read so similar to my life I was astounded. While my spiritual path at this time does not focus on the Sacred Feminine to the extent that Kidd's does, the transformative process is inspiring.

Today I will express gratitude for fashion related reflections as penance for my lack of focus on the wardrobe challenges!
1. Grateful that I overcame my bow obsession of the late 80's/early 90's
2. That I found the confidence to love pink again.
3. My son makes me smile every day. Part of his plan for success developed over the weekend includes more UofM apparrel to keep him focused on his swim and educational goals. I may give in to that one ;)

Real Life

In March 24th's Secret Sabateur's discussion of dark days I am reminded of a conversation I had with a doctor. Dealing with a medical issue that often had associated depression she asked me to describe how often I felt depressed. I needed to know her definition of depressed. Well, she said, do you ever have difficulty getting up or stay in bed all day? Do you not go out or interact with other people? etc. etc. Similar to the journal entry of not remembering when you showered last or barely making it out the door. My response? Don't these people work! Sheesh. Yes, I have days that I don't FEEL like facing the world, getting out of bed, etc. But I have a job. And a son. Do you realize what happens when you ignore those things and stay in bed? They don't go away!!! It just piles up into a more depressing array of tasks that need to be complete. The assessment was that I obviously am not depressed. That doesn't mean that I don't deal with dark moods or feeling overwhelmed, sad, uninspired to the point that I don't WANT to get up and face life. But I do.

Friday's "Finding clothes that fit your lifestyle" did come at the right time. As much as I get annoyed by all of this shopping discussion, I had just thought the previous day that I needed to reassess my wardrobe and make some purchases. Having found the perfect fit comfortable cords from JcPenney (hmm...maybe they'll give me some advertising dollars here!) I tend to spend most of my winter in them. But you can't pull off cords well in the spring. And of the tops and 2 pair of pants that I do have for spring, the newest is 3 years old. Time to start looking. Since I am the antithesis of the body type clothes are designed for, this will be a process. Good thing spring break is coming!

I think that it's fair to say that the clothes I choose accurately represent the fact that I am a teacher, with a teenage son, that has a busy schedule. I am comfortable with that, but would like the look slightly more polished. It is difficult to believe that I was in jewelry sales for years and rarely wear any! These days, my jewelry that I do wear is almost exclusively handmade by my friend. It feels like I am carrying the gift of our friendship and her creativity with my on those days. I remember when I first started substitute teaching I overheard a comment by a teacher that she could pick out a teacher in a store every time. It was the ugly,comfortable shoes! I admire the teachers I work with that always look pulled together, including their stylish, fashionable shoes. For me, I'm going to have to stick with the Skechers on most days. Although, I may be willing to try some wedges this spring. Kinda crazy!

Expressing my gratitude for:
1. Amazing students who challenge themselves everyday far beyond what we even considered at that age.
2. The birds singing like it's spring when it looks like winter.
3. A second weekend with my girlfriends. Unexpected surprise!

Self-confidence -- a first rate version of yourself!

It's been a long week. Monday would have been my niece Phoebe's 1st birthday. A marker in time. What to do with it? Still processing. Journaling was not where I was at. That sweet baby face, the joy of her birth and the mindfulness her presence created are an indelible part of my existence. I'm forced to reflect upon the lessons she taught, mostly what being fully present means. It was an important event in my simple abundance path.

Pushing forward and dealing with the issue of self-confidence. The difference between self-esteem and self-confidence was interesting. I see this in those that I love. How can a person with so in tune with who they are, strengths and weakness, abilities and challenges, suddenly become less than what they are in the face of uncomfortable circumstances. That is where confidence comes in. The great lesson to me, as a mother, is that building the self-esteem in your child gives them the tools to choose confidence (even if faking it for a while!). To me, self-confidence is related to the work and consideration we put into our appearance. The outer package is important and it isn't just what we put on. It's the way we carry ourselves and approach challenges. The key, I believe, to being self-confident is to be prepared. And believe in yourself enough to know that even for situations that challenge us or are unexpected, we will come through. If you are in tune with your authentic self, that self will always have the strength that you need.

My son is a great swimmer and student, but his confidence is sometimes swayed in circumstances of comparison. While this is an example of the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence, it is also a lesson in being a "first-rate version of yourself". Judy Garland phrases it like this: "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else". My son's coach is always telling him this. I don't want you to be the next Michael Phelps,....(or, lists other swimmers!) I want you to be the first Bennett. My students are often disconnected from this concept. My encouragement is that every assignment, every attitude, every choice is a reflection of who you are. If you aren't connecting to a class, assignment, circumstance because you don't believe it has any bearing on your future it still isn't ok to just disconnect! Why would you ever want what you are reflecting to the world to be less than your very best? Hmmm, that sounds like a lesson I should probably reflect upon today!

We are the Hero of our Own Story!

Awakening sleeping beauty is an interesting metaphor. I feel that my spindle was when I started planning my wedding. I had just had an awakening, a feeling of who and what I was. In that moment my husband came into my life. Not to fulfill something, but because I was finally ready. But as I moved into the roles traditionally assigned I lost the strength and assuradness that I had gained. My strength and positions and way of viewing the world became a hindrance to my husband's ministry. But my re-awakening has not come all at once. It is a process slowly emerging. The awesome part is that it didn't happen because of a prince's kiss, but was influenced by the love and acceptance of a husband who would rather have my be my authentic self than the image of what is expected in a given role.

In considering a woman with repose of the soul I am reminded of my midwife. She is such a special person, truly "listens with responsive eyes and smiles". I remember when I finally realized what is was that I so appreciated about this person who had shared such an important event in my life. It was her quiet strength. My meditations have been spent considering how to nurture quiet strength. I am definitely a LOUD strength. I'm coming to terms with the fact that this is part of the past creating my present, and not necessarily in a bad way. Had I not found my voice at an early age I may well have been lost to a cycle of abuse and poor choices. Learning to be strong in a loud way saved me. Now I need to continue to consider when strength is most appropriately loud and when it is strongest in its quietness. This is a lesson that I see continue for a lifetime.

My friend and I were discussing this weekend how healthy choices affect our appearance. Even wrinkles and aging are more prominent if our bodies are not watered and fed appropriately. And of course this means watering and feeding the soul. You can't be a woman with repose of the soul without this inner beauty shining through. And as satisfied with I am most of the time with the woman that looks back at me in the mirror, Marianne Williamson's quote is an honest reflection of most our experiences (including those "incredibly beautiful women" if their interviews are to be believed!):

"Don't you love it when some incredibly beautiful woman like Linda Evans or Cindy Crawford tells us that the real beauty secret is finding your inner light? No shit. But I've done the same things these women have done to find my inner light and while it's true I"m happier, I still don't look like them."

Focus on Yourself

I can't believe I haven't posted all week! Let's get down to business. My eyes needed a time-out from computer screens, but I have been reading the daily journal. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, the world always looks fresh on the cusp of spring.

Loving Yourself Into Wholeness: If you start sobbing at the question "How are you" I think it is as much because someone asked whom you know sincerely means the question. I suppose there is the chance that a fragile enough state exists that it would be the final straw, but the person asking the question is important. When my friends from high school get together and start having some deep conversations (there may be glasses of wine involved!) and I am asked "how are you?" or "why did you do that?" there is no way that "fine" is going to be an acceptable answer. And we are better for the conversation. It is an accountability that happens nowhere else in my world. I am blessed. I feel no need to beat myself up or be ashamed. In fact, through the process my perspective is usually challenged and I am forced to create a new outlook. Love ourselves into wholeness, for me, also means finding those that are willing to take the journey with us. That's part of the reason for this blog! I must say that in the last 2 years I have gotten better about saying no. Some may find this funny because of how many times I say yes, but I do know my limits. What I commit to I have the ability to give the appropriate attention, including myself.

Self-nuturing: This is the part that is hard for me. I do give myself time (read, blog, walk/hike, etc.) but if it costs money or interferes with the ability to do something for someone else I don't even consider it an option. I love pedicures and massages, but I've gotten a pedicure 3x in my life and massages are limited to Penny at Kim's office. Which means maybe 3x a year. I do have a great hair dresser and a cut and color every 8 weeks is the most consistent self-nuturing splurge in which I indulge. Although, during the summer months I am very good about floating in my pool or the lake with a good book. Some I need to be more indulgent during the winter months!

What do you like about yourself?: I was actually thinking about this today on the way to work when the Bruno Mars song "Just the Way You Are" came on the radio. I decided to sing it to myself. My post for this journal entry is to embed the song. Listen to it. Sing it to yourself. Nuff said.

Accentuate the Positive: Anyone with the title Dame in front of their name deserves to be heard! (Think Dame Judy Dench for my Shakespeare fans). So the quote for today, from Dame Edith Stilwell, will be shared. "If one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekingese?" The TLC show What Not To Wear does a great job of addressing this. While there may be a little snarkiness as the current wardrobe is revealed, the participants are NEVER told you are too fat, skinny, tall, chesty, etc to find something that looks good. You may need to have alterations if you're not an off-the-rack size (and let's face it, how many of us are?) but it is a celebration of your body and accepting it for what it is right now. In fact, I think that this whole looking at our appearance work and be aided by a week of "What Not To Wear". Consider this homework. I am, after all, a teacher!

How Do I Look? and Accepting Yourself as You Are Today

In asking the loaded question "How do I look" it was important to me to catch that we are asking ourselves. Not our partners, husbands, sisters, best friends. Ourselves. Self-reflection is such an important part of the path that it doesn't surprise me that this is a question to be asked gently, and more importantly, LISTEN to the answer. I don't remember ever being surprised when I look in the mirror because I know how I feel will be reflected there. When I'm tired, I look tired. When I'm worried or upset, I look mad. When I look my best is when I have been walking or hiking. Those endorphins really do something! Or is it just as important that my face is reflecting how I feel when I am treating my body properly? Now, looking at pictures is a different story. I am often startled at how different I look on camera. Which is why I am rarely in photos. Love taking them though! It's a Yaklin thing.

The Tibetan poet Sahara is so inspiring with the line "I have not encountered another temple as blissful as my own body". While I do love my body, with it's rolls and unevenness, I can honestly say I have not reached the point where I view my body as the most blissful temple. I do appreciate everything that it does for me even as I work toward a more healthy, fit version. Having health scares in my 30s has allowed me to appreciate the wonder of a healthy body even in my forties. Mostly I have yoga to thank for this connection. There is something very respectful in a yoga practice that connects the body spirit in wonderment. This began the healing process in my body. As things grew and attached that shouldn't, I thanked my body daily for everything it allowed me to do. I nurtured and loved every part of my body that was working, concentrating my energy on all that it was doing instead of the things that it shouldn't. I can honestly say that I made it through that time by accepting my body as it was.  It's been a while since I've practiced; I sense some salutations to start my day tomorrow!

Grateful today for:
1. Michigan being invited to the dance
2. amazing canines that can detect cancer (see Cesar's Rules by Cesar Milan)
3. relaxing bath after a walk