I learned through the grief process shared with the amazing mommies of loss that I love that it can be difficult to find a way to express empathy in times of grief or illness. The painful truth is that there is no one right thing to say (although, there are many WRONG things to say); nothing that will truly make the person feel better or change their circumstances. I have found, and been told, that simply reaching out, making a connection, letting people dealing with difficult circumstances know that you are thinking of them is the one thing that is always the right thing to do.
So....running. My friend Melinda found out late last fall that she had breast cancer. She is healthy, active, a great mom and an inspiration. She also lives almost three hours away. So I can't make her and her family a meal, do laundry, provide rides to treatment. All I have to give is encouragement. And she is a runner. In fact, in the middle of her treatment she will be participating 2014 Twin Cities 3-Day in 11 days. A couple of weeks ago it hit me, following her posts as she continues to walk and occasional run intervals during her treatment; I was sitting in my house reading her posts while she was out struggling to stay active. Now, my friends know I'm an outside gal. I walk fast and often. But I felt like I had to up my game, in a way that felt like I could give something to my friend. So I started meditative runs. You see, if I'm running there is going to be chanting (mumbling, grumbling, swearing; whatever). So I use the time to focus on specific things for Melinda as a mantra. Most often my mantra, like today, is strength and health. Sometimes it feels as if I need to add peace. Other times I have included joy. When I am done I send Melinda a message, letting her know my progress and my meditation for her in the process. I am connecting. I am not making her day any easier. I am not give her boys a mom that is not dealing with treatments that have changed what she is capable of doing in this moment. But I am letting her know that I care, that my focus and energy is committed to this process with her.
The not pretty part. My friend Laura, a marathon runner can attest. She's witness the painful sight as we pass on the trail. I am slow. For the first three weeks I actually ran (I use the term loosely)
S L O W E R than what I walk! I started with 1 mile. I worked up to 2. When I could run a 2 miles in 24 minutes (which is not much quicker than my walking pace) I worked up to 2.5. My goal is to be able to run 3 miles in 36 minutes before the start of the school year. The first time I ran 2 miles in under 24 minutes my husband greeted me at the door. Encouraged my progress and commitment. As I sat on the porch, removing my shoes and grumbling about how I still didn't running, he stopped me cold with a response. "I'm sure Melinda is enjoying her treatment this morning" was his reply. It was the reason I was out at that particular time. Knowing that Melinda was on her way to treatment, for the day, at UofM. What a great reminder~this was not about me!
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| Source: D. Gordon E. Robertson via Wikimedia Commons, CC-BY-SA 3.0 |
As for the Turkey Trot, I don't want to mislead my family who probably assumes that I have actually signed up for a 5K at Thanksgiving. Nope. Not going to happen. But, during today's run I did share the trail with a rafter of turkeys that included 3 adults and 10 poults. This trail loving girl is happy to continue the nature version of a Turkey Trot :)
And for my runner/walker/nature loving friends: a challenge. Melinda is completing the 60 miles walk Aug 22-24 in the Twin Cities. It's too far away for us to show up with signs and encouragement or join her on the way. Instead, I would like to propose that we join her on those days, committing to walk or jog whatever distance you can those days. I would love for a group to commit to 20 miles total for each of the days. If you're interested, go to the Melinda Meditations link. We can send "shout outs" to Melinda while she completes her walk!
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