Lessons From Goals Not Met

Reflection on the Old Before Ringing in the New

I've never been one for resolutions, at the start of a year or any time, but several years ago as part of living more intentionally in gratitude I found the idea of setting goals for the year a productive way of narrowing my focus. Education as a profession includes goal setting to measure achievement, so I have found myself, at times, focusing on the competition of completing the goals instead of the intention of the goal, the tendency to place emphasis on achievement over growth. This year, having not reached two of the goals that I thought were very in reach, well three if you count a failed marriage, I've spent my time reflecting on why the goals weren't achieved instead of ruminating on the failure. Perhaps I should have been a bit more cognizant of choosing "adventure" as my one word for 2017. I experienced a bit more "adventure" than I had envisioned!

Goal #1: Number of books read. I've set my goal at 75 for the past three years and always go well above this number. I am a prolific reader, and even as I transitioned out of being a school librarian, I read every day. It is my end of the day ritual, even if I've found no time the rest of the day. This year, I only read 50 books. I know that many people look at that at as an accomplishment, but again, this is a goal not met. A goal previously met. And in fairness, if I allowed myself to count my chick lit, I would more than meet the 75 book goal. But I don't. Or at least, never have. So that is also a reflection, why I choose to not count some material. And the answer to that makes me comfortable with my choice. While I share much of my life on social media, including GoodReads for reading and a Facebook Reading Challenge book, I know some of the books I read would make those I'm connected to uncomfortable. And, as an educator, when I began sharing my reading practice on Social Media I was still a school librarian. How much of me am I willing to have as an "open book" (pun intended)? This was reinforced recently when I attended a presentation on human trafficking, horrific reality in my own little corner of the world, as well as world-wide. Great information was shared, and a sense of shared responsibility for recognizing the vulnerable. However, when the faith-based organization representative concluded that much of the problem is "50 Shades of Grey" readers and movie goers, who normalize abuse (her words), she lost me. She hasn't read the stories. Not that I want her to read them. And am totally ok with people being offended and concerned by the subject matter. But, in all its non-literary value, the books do NOT glorify abuse. And I was glad she couldn't go to my GoodReads account and see that I have read the series.

Favorite book read of 2017

Goal #2: Number of miles trailed. This was going to be the year. The year I laughed at a measly 1200 miles and left it in my dust. I loftily set the goal of 1500 miles, determined that every day miles, as well as my focus on adventuring to trails near and far, would definitely hit 1500. Come September, it was apparent that I would not meet that goal, so adjusted it to 1300. I finished at 1292.7.

Peace and joy in the beauty of nature

An important aspect of reflection is to not allow it to be about excuses, but a consideration of all aspects, including were the goals appropriate in the first place. If I had the gift of clairvoyance, and was able to see when setting these goals what "adventure" in 2017 would like..... Who am I kidding. I would have set the unrealistic goals anyway. Which means I have to look at finding the balance in goal setting between appropriate level of challenge in a realistically achievable measure. And the reality is I've had significant life changes in 2017.

First, a new job. The search for which was not a desire on my part for a change, but the reality of my eliminated position. It is a bit stressful, even with reassurance of placement, to be in limbo for almost two months. The resulting change in districts is a great fit, with new challenges, title and compensation. But it comes with a year-round schedule (I know, you non-educators are rolling your eyes) and a 45 minute minimum one-way commute. Those time realities significantly impacted my ability to meet reading and trail mile goals. But the rewards! Grateful every day for this opportunity to work with amazing educators, moving forward in transformative practice, to provide students with life skills and content knowledge.

Chasing waterfalls in Iceland

Second, the empty nest. When the only little egg in your basket (it's tough being an only child!) is ready to begin semi-adulting, the emotions run between "thank God he's ready" and "oh dear Lord, he's really leaving me for good". I have enjoyed the process of watching my son mature into a young man learning to make his way in this world, but man, the space that is left empty seems so much bigger than his 6'2" frame would suggest. Top this with the dissolution of a long marriage, and suddenly I am living alone for the first time in, well, ever. There are moments that it is peaceful and glorious. There are moments that are filled with the stark reality of aloneness.

While the life changes experience during my year of "adventure" certainly contributed to goals not being met, more important in my reflection over the past several days has been what I did experience as a result of not meeting those goals. And that is where I find my gratitude. The truth is that with increased obligations of time that is not flexible, the goals of reading books and completing trail miles is in itself competitive. I don't like to listen to music, podcasts or audio books on the trail. I want to hear the water, the leaves, the wind, the birds. And so when I'm trailing, I can't be reading. And when I'm reading I can't be trailing. And the truth is that I NEED trails, in woods, near water. It is my therapy, my medicine, the way I maintain balance, clarity and do my best thinking. And so it is with choices. I chose vacations that did not allow me to trail significant miles, but the adventure and experiences far outweighed the lack of miles.

 

As I closed the year, I had the opportunity to make choices, especially in completing the adjusted mileage goal. I could have done it. But what would I have missed? Time. Time with ones I love, opportunities that are not of the every day. Mile stone birthdays, parties, surprise weddings, and even time spent waiting for adventures that did not happen. All connected me with those I love, with memories that will last a lifetime and bond me in new ways. All in all, goals not met is not necessarily a bad thing.

Cheers to besties

Today I'm grateful for:

• "Besties" from childhood. Neither time nor geographical space has separated us. Especially as we move into the time of middle age, the deep rooted connections, love and acceptance are a life string.
• Living in a time when being a single, adult woman is not a sentence of poverty and social scorn. My best life will be what I create.
• Cold gear. Long live wool!

Old Becomes New

Determining that my focus for 2017 would be #adventure has me viewing experiences differently. The saying is cliche, but life truly is an adventure. I find myself being more present, in tune with the immediacy of the experience in front of me as it unfolds. This shift has me reflecting as I trail with my nephew, who at 2 and a half is ready to march along under his own power instead of being packed. The delight of deep snow to trudge through, learning about trail markers to guide our way, and the exclamations of joy with each new animal track that crosses the path. I find peace and joy outside on a trail, but experiencing it as if first time all over again with my nephew Simon brings a smile to my face. Was the therapy the trail, or the reminder of seeing the extraordinary in what has become a standard past time?

Tonight I'm grateful for moments of presence, with those that I love. Especially the one delivered by a rainbow.

One Word

The process of living simply has now extended to New Year's Resolutions! Gone is the weight loss, eat healthy, hit the gym focus of January (which didn't seem to work for most people anyway). Instead, the movement is to focus on a theme that will carry you through the year. In one word. The movement has spawned books and blog posts, online communities and a hashtag (For my Twitter buffs #oneword2017).

For the past two years I've focused on goals for the year instead of traditional resolutions. Trail miles, reading challenges, and travel dominated the goals. And most were fulfilled. But it still was an exercise that seemed to lose focus as the year progressed. Perhaps this is another area where simplifying will lead to more gratitude and abundance. With that thought it mind, on to choosing my "One Word".

The problem with choosing "One Word" is that I'm a shades of gray person. Narrowing down to just one choice is an exercise that leaves me waffling and uncomfortable. So after much deliberation, my choice is a word that encompasses enough to provide me flexibility and choice, while still focusing my year. Adventure.

Adventure may seem a poor choice for someone who works in a cubicle in the midwest. But adventure it is. When I think of adventure, it not only represents experiences beyond the ordinary, but an approach to my every day. By definition, the word implies an "unusual and exciting activity or experience", but also can mean "exploration of unknown territory". And the last part is where I expect most of my adventures will be. Every day I am challenged at work and home to participate fully in what unfolds. What keeps me energized and engaged in my work is the unknown that occurs every day. My intention is that by regarding these unknown challenges and opportunities as adventures, the focus will be on what I can learn, what is required of me to navigate the challenge and not the stress that often accompanies daily challenges.

But also, hopefully there will be adventures of the extraordinary kind. Experienced with people I adore, embracing challenges and the awesomeness of nature.

My gratitude as I start 2017 is for a job that I love, in a career of my passion, that connects me to amazing people. Looking forward to the every day adventure of education.

What's your "One Word" for 2017?

To Phoebe - on the 6th anniversary of your birth

I Wish That There Were Cupcakes

On this day which should be filled with joy and celebration.

I Wish That There Was A New Book, 

carefully chosen, inscribed with your name,

to be read together as we snuggle on the couch,
looking at the lake and the birds on the feeder.

I Wish That There Was Joy, 

swelling in my sister's heart

as she watches you, your stubborn spirit a mirror of her own

Instead of the hole that is alternately

Weeping 

and Plugged

with the grief that is known only to a mother who has lost her child.

I Wish That There Were Adventures

on a trail, singing in the car, playing pretend in the most girly of ways.

For you,

you my niece, were to be the daughter of my heart,

the Universe knowing I would be a better mother to a boy,

but that I would make a great aunt ~

our hearts entwined in much the same way as your mother and my son.

I Wish That The Birds That Return in the Spring

meant walks next door, 

to watch the mother phoebe return again 

and build her nest

and raise her young.

You, delighting as she twitters from limb to nest, 

smiling at this bird who shares your name.

I wish that the return of the phoebes every year was not yet another bittersweet sign,

a token of remembrance, 

that simultaneously brings a smile and a tear.

I Wish That There was a Swing

on which I pushed you higher and higher,

instead of a remembrance tree ~

the Mighty Oak standing proud and tall in the middle of the field,

representing the strength of the mighty spirits of the babies that have been lost.

#Jenna

#Phoebe

#Oakes

#Elizabeth

#Noah

#Ronan

Names and stories that have knit together lives and families

with the Heartstrings of shared grief.

I Wish That the Painting Hanging Outside Your Hospital Room

~a back shot of a blonde toddler playing at the beach;

An image I 

ARGUED

and BARGAINED

and RAILED 

at God to be an indication of future experience

An image, posted on 

InstaGram and

Twitter and 

Facebook

tagged #adventureswithPhoebe

instead of one more example of what will never be.

I Wish That Now, When Someone Asks Me to Pray,

that I could do so with a pure heart

that BELEIVED

that HOPED

that experienced answers of the miraculous kind,

instead of Silence, Reality and Loss.

I Wish That There Were Cupcakes

that weren't made of Angel Food Cake.

What Do You Notice?

I struggle between being grateful that I have a nice little wooded trail close to my home and lamenting the fact that it is the only one. And it's short. With very few hills or significant inclines. So my gratitude is often broken by the desire to have access to the hills of Northern Lower Michigan, walking the North Country Trail along rivers and up and down hills, using switchbacks, traversing ravines, often being far enough from main traffic sources that I can experience the quiet, solitude and serenity of nature.

In my ongoing attempt to be grateful for where I am, in the moment, I have made a conscious effort to notice my everyday trail as the seasons change. The picky, weedy shrubs of summer are transformed to shades of raspberry during the dead of winter.

Isn't it beautiful how nature reveals her colors throughout the seasons #naturetherapy #puremichigan #miched

A photo posted by Rachelle Wynkoop (@rachellewynkoop) on Dec 12, 2015 at 11:15am PST

This time of dormancy, often seen as cold and lifeless, reveals the beauty hidden in the lush greenness of late spring and summer, or the colorful expression of fall.


As I discover little things on a path that I have traversed for years but never noticed, like this heart stump and heart on a tree, it makes me wonder if I am also missing those subtle details in those I love.

#Imperfectheartsareperfect #remembrance ##always

A photo posted by Rachelle Wynkoop (@rachellewynkoop) on Mar 19, 2016 at 9:22am PDT

Am I noticing the details that could change my practice at work? How I spend my time? Am I choosing to focus on what I may have missed instead of lamenting that this life is too routine? My prayer tonight is that like the discoveries on the trail, I keep my eyes and heart open to noticing the subtle expressions that make the people I encounter routinely unique.

On Behalf of a Grateful Nation

 I am honored to be surrounded by veterans. My husband was a Marine, my brother retired from the Navy SeaBees, my uncle is a Vietnam veteran, grandpa served in the Philipines during World War II; so I grew up with a respect for flag and service. But I watch the struggle to acclimate to civilian life, to living in a family, after experiences of combat. I've been wrestling with what our nation, or any nation really, asks of the men and women who serve in military. What it takes to become a soldier, battle ready.

My nephew, Capt. Jonathan Wynkoop, was killed during military exercises on March 31st of this year. He is my sister-in-law and brother-in-law's only child. He leaves behind his wife and three beautiful children.

A moving part of a military funeral is the presentation of a flag to the solder's surviving family. Sitting next to my in-laws during Jonathan's funeral allowed me to experience this moment. So bittersweet. After the playing of Taps, the flag that has been draped over the casket is folded, with military precision, and then presented to the family. A soldier, kneeling in front of the widow, mother or next of kin, looks the family member in the eye and repeats these words...

"This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army as a token of appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service."

What will remain with me of this day, is the unwavering voice of the solider presenting the flag. In difficult circumstances, in the presence of pure grief, we once again ask our soldiers to conduct themselves beyond the emotion of the moment. To look a loved one in the eye and say "On Behalf of a Grateful Nation". God bless the soldiers that answer not only the call to protect our nation, but to serve in these moments of ceremony.

Love and Remembrance my sweet nephew.

We Become What We Believe

"In today’s meditation, we learn that our beliefs are always in motion, constantly influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Our unconscious beliefs are always affecting us as well. To use the power of belief to our greatest benefit, we need to become self-aware. In doing so, we attune our beliefs to our deepest spiritual aspirations."

Meditation is not a practice that I do well. Even my stillness often comes in movement, which is why I try to find trail time most every day. So here I am again, learning through meditation and growing my practice. It is a form of self awareness, but not what I assume Deepak meant in the quote above. Just as beliefs are always in motion, so are my thoughts. How do we become self aware? Is part of the awareness an awakening to our "deepest spiritual aspirations" or should we already be aware of this aspirations and align our beliefs in order to manifest? Stilling my mind always means an explosion of questioning thoughts!

My deepest spiritual aspirations have evolved. At one time, the emphasis would have been an influence on the salvation of souls; but as my beliefs have separated from the faith of my childhood I find myself focusing on working on my own growth. Spiritually, I aspire to bring peace with my presence. If I am living in each moment, then spirit may use me. The shift in emphasis for me is instead of doing, or responsibility, it is a matter of being.

So my fellow Meditators, what is your spiritual aspiration? And how do you work to become self-aware?

Thankfulness and gratitude today for the great team I work with. We are afforded many opportunities to practice being in the moment!