Creating a Sacred Space

It always amazes me how divinely timed is the process. Just yesterday I was catching up on a "Behind the Scenes" Oprah show where she showed her meditation room and went through what she has in the room and how she uses it. I remember thinking how peaceful it seemed, not overly big or overdone, but cozy, inviting to meditation. But I don't have room for what I need now (and I'm serious...1100 square feet with no garage or basement and my big boys...limited space!); can't think of how to create a meditation space. And then the journal takes on this challenge. A sacred space is just that, space. Not an entire room, but just a space. I'm reminded of the home altars that are so important in many cultures and religious beliefs. The home itself may be very humble, but there is attention and purpose in identifying and creating a sacred space.

So I started to think about what could be a sacred space. There are 3 options. A corner in my living room that I have eyed for a reading chair with light and side table, a small corner in my bedroom, or the nightstand beside my bed. All would work, but I do want to begin to use it as a meditative space. As the living room is our only gathering spot, it would limit my available meditation time. I will probably begin with my nightstand. I already have a yoga meditation book there. I used to keep a beautiful wire and bead basket with a couple of rocks I've collected on top. And at different times there has been a candle. It seems as if I had already made attempts to create a sacred space there. I will now do so with intention. Although, it may not be done this week. Hoping you find a sacred "space", however big or small, as you continue on your journey.

Today I'm sending all of my thoughts of gratitude to my friends the Burr's as they deal with a life-threatening illness. Many long swim days were made not just bearable, but down right fun, having experienced them with Shawn. Prayers and blessings for Shawn, Amanda and the girls.

Commiting to Your Spiritual Awakening

I do believe in spiritual laws or truths as opposed to an absolutist philosophy of one spiritual path. The principle came to my attention while I was still following a traditional spiritual path. The following quote is so true: "If you consciously work to bring more gratitude, simplicity, order, harmony, beauty, and joy into your daily life,your world will be transformed whether you believe a Higher Power is guiding you or not." I had bosses that exemplified this principle. I watch as they openly disagreed with the need for a conversion or spiritual experience, yet worked consciously to live exactly as the quote above says. It is the only office of women that was peaceful; because it was expected, even demanded of us. Conversations that were gossipy or mean-spirited were not allowed. And my one boss had the courage to not just to set this expectation, but be firm enough to call out people when inappropriate conversations had taken place. At first it was a little disconcerting and felt a bit like having a mom, which was funny as all of the other people in the office were her age or older! But there was a security in knowing that the everyone was held to the same expectation and instead of just being an ideal, it was the way our office would function. I apply those same principles with my students in the library. Our intentions behind our words, conversations, expressions create an atmosphere. We must be conscious of what we create, to "set in motion a cycle of good that blesses all concerned". We usually are not aware of how our actions, especially the simple ones, are affecting those around us. Even more reason to live every aspect of our life with intention.

Expressing gratitude today for:

1. Choices in the grocery store. So many people around the world do not have choices.
2. The ability financially to make those choices.
3. Grandmas who make sloppy joes and don't mind big boys filling up space.

Catching up

Swim and finishing up a class have kept me away. So we're catching up on the weekend! Hoping for at least one, if not two, state times today.

Gotten your attention: I laughed when I read this encouragement from Sarah to either keep going on the journey, get reconnected if you haven't made the time. Or sign off and try again later. That's what I had done the day before. Mumbling about not understanding the exercise, or wanting to do it, but doing it anyway. Kind of like taking bad medicine that you hope will make you better. So, I'm committed. Task complete.

Reordering priorities. To me this references the biblical Proverbs 31 woman. This proverb details how accomplished is a woman committed to her path. For anyone who hasn't read this proverb I encourage you to do so. But in the context of the lesson on reordering your priorities. I believe that the secret to a successful woman is that you CAN do it all, you just can't do it all at the same time. There are seasons. I could not do my job the way I do it if my son were younger or if I had had the 6 children that I wanted. There is only so much to go around. This reinforces the importance of making time to be still, contemplative, meditate and personally rejuvenate. Without these tools (and sometimes even with them) we will miss the timeliness of shifting in our priorities. Five years ago I would not have been able to start my work day @ 6 a.m. Ten years from now I may not be able to keep up with hours of additional work on nights and weekends. But if I prioritize correctly I can still be effective, in both choosing my priorities and accomplishing what is necessary. If the past is any indication, early morning swim drives will be over before I'm ready.

Real Life Begins With Reference: I have never asked my husband if he "minded" me going away for a night or weekend. If he were the type of man who minded I wouldn't be married to him. I remember serving as President of the distance learning student government when Bennett was a toddler and having University woman asking how I got my husband to let me leave my two-year-old at home so I could fly to Washington State. My husband is perfectly capable of parenting! Sometimes as women  I think that we don't give men credit, or opportunity, to step up and be effective parent. Of course they don't do things the way we do, that's why they need us ;) Doesn't mean they aren't capable (for short periods of time!).  To me being inside beautiful walls do not inspire reverence. I feel that way when I'm out in nature. The trail in my little town is my happy place. The kingfisher calling out at the beginning of the walk. The snakes and turtles sunning themselves in early spring, the coyote napping in the winter. I become refocused and reenergized with hardly any thougtht. Nature is my cathedral. I don't worship nature, it is my conduit to revererent intention. Where are you brought to a place of reverence?

I'm grateful today for:
1. dinner with friends, old and new
2. a warm shower
3. Excedrin (without which this blog would not have been possible today!)

God is in the details -Ludwig Mies VAn Der Rohe

Funny, I had always heard that  idiom as the "devil is in the details". And that is exactly how I felt about the exercise today. I continue to struggle with the seeming contradictory messages of learning to be present and live simply with exercises that require purchases or a lot of thought and consideration to the "things" that we desire. I'm persevering through the exercises believing that there is something to be learned even if I don't get it right now. The exercise today involves listing the 20 specifics you must have in your dream home (money no object of course!). Included are empty drawers for you to fill and bare kitchen cabinets. There are 2 problems I have with this exercise. First, it will have me focusing on all of the things I don't have instead of being grateful for what I do. Second, I'm too eclectic to decide between a pottery mug or a paper-thin china teacup for my morning tea. The truth is, I'm both! And need to have an unfussy space that allows me to feel comfortable having both in my kitchen.

I am willing to look at the things that are considered strong symbols of a life in progress. The soap in the bathroom: organic or natural with a fruit fragrance (NOT anti-bacterial). The flowers in the garden: more tomatoes than flowers (heirloom varieties); the exception is my grandmother's peony bushes that are close to 60 years old (these are probably my favorite possession). The book on my bedside table: there is never just one! Usually I have a cheesy romance novel and a young adult selection. Currently these selections are Will Grayson Will Grayson (YA lit) and Then He Kissed Me by Christie Ridgway. That doesn't include the shelf on my nightstand. There you will find Rodney Yee's The Poetry of Yoga, a meditation book, and REALLY cheesy romance novels that no one else is willing to read. Feel free to discuss what these details mean about my authentic self!

Grateful today for:

1. A reliable vehicle to transport me to work (and swim boys to wet spots around the state!)
2. Creative energy from collaboration
3. Meaningful conversations with my son

Excavating-part deux

Ok, I'm gonna go digging. But it's gonna be brief and I'm not happy about it. I figure if there is so much emphasis on the activity there may be something I'm missing by not participating. So, here goes. Returning to my childhood home is my version of being sent to hell. Not sure I believe in the literal hell, so this is definitely my version. I remember pretty white curtains with blue flowers in my bedroom (which I shared with my sister). The walls were a pretty blue that was painted over layers of old wallpaper that was peeling in spots. There was a big hole in the ceiling in the kitchen area, rending it unuseable, especially during a hard rain. You had to pass this area to get to the washer and dryer. The floor was so bad that the neighbor girl literally fell through the floor up to her knees one morning before school. Embarrassing. And that was just the physical reality. My childhood experience, including the home, was not as difficult as many, but something no child should have to experience. It's why I worry about the slow progress of remodeling in my current home. Does the lack of trim as we wait for the next phase embarass Bennett as I was embarrassed? I hope not.

I don't remember admiring or envying other girls in my teenager years except for the semblance of normalcy that allowed them to carry themselves with an assuredness I'm still not sure I possess. It was never about their clothes, or houses or vacations. There is something about the lack of worry for the basic things in life that guarantees success in social settings and the general world. This is something I remember as I deal with my students every day. Many of them are in much worse situations that I was. What I do know came from that long buried experience is a sense that I would have a very different life. In many ways I have succeeded. While it has meant relinquishing my childhood faith, loss of close family relationships and a bumpy journey down my path it has also given me a strength of character and purpose that I don't know I would have had otherwise.

I'm still not sure that this excavation was necessary. I drove through my old hometown with my husband and son yesterday, probably giving me the courage to proceed. It's the first time I can remember not getting sick to my stomach as I drove through. I was able to point out old friends houses, where I went to school, the little league park where I spent so much time. There were some good things. But the good thinks occurred while I was pretending that my reality was that of a normal small town girl. I even created my good times based on belief of what could and should be. There is a resilience in the hope that my younger self carried forward that I continue to look to for inspiration. If Seigfried could do it, I guess my journey was not nearly as difficult. Hoping that you're excavation reveals a beautiful tile mosaic you didn't remember existed. I'm still looking for mine.

Grateful today for:
1. A sister who can relate (even if she doesn't want to excavate either!)
2. A glass is 3/4 full perception of life (I'm more than a little polyanna at times)
3. A husband who can whip up dinner while I'm finishing coursework I had forgetten was due.

Becoming an Archeologist

At this part of the journey, the role we are to assume is that of an archeologist, digging into our past in order to become more self-aware. I've already mentioned that this is difficult for me...digging before about 15 or 16 just isn't worth going through. Growth has occurred as I now am able to embrace that part of my life as essential to the creation of who I am today, but I just don't want to go through it again. I've made peace and moved on.

But an experience yesterday has my reconsidering. Not necessarily the need to revisit that time, but the significance of how I deal with that past. And being open that at some time it may need to be revisited. As a family we went to the Holocaust Memorial Center in West Bloomfield. As Bennett is studying WWII right now, it seemed a good thing to do during break. I have heard survivors speak before, having hosted virtual field trips in my media center and there is nothing more moving than hearing a first person account. We were told that there would be no survivor at the museum, but went in time to take the official tour. Seeing the numbers associated with each country is mind boggling. Most astounding to me is only 77 lives lost in Denmark, proof that taking a stand does make a difference. At the end of the guided tour we were taken back to the lecture room and introduced to a survivor. A survivor who was willing to tell his story. Watching an 80-year-old man who was separated from his mother and father at age eleven, shipped through 4 different countries to arrive in the U.S. where no one wanted him...it's painful with my 14-year-old son next to me. I can't imagine him facing what this man had to endure to survive. With a steady, clear voice that belied his small stature we were given a factual account of his experience. He only faltered twice, each time as he recalled his parents.

At the end he took questions and began talking about how he was able to move past his experience and become a very successful lawyer with a large, loving family. He talked of compartmentalizing his experience. He feels that this is why he has been more successful at moving past his experience than his older brother. Yes it happened to him. Yes it was horrible. But that part of his life is over. He chooses to move forward and focus on what he was able to accomplish and the reality of his life now instead of the horrors of the past. As my husband pointed out on the way home, it is obviously his coping mechanism. And perhaps also mine. For a man who attributes his success to his ability to move the past to a compartment outside of his current reality to then open that compartment and make himself vulnerable by sharing the experience with a group of strangers is humbling. I am grateful and overwhelmed. And I will take that example and draw strength and courage from him when it is time for me to do the same. I guess that I have begun excavating! What are you digging up?

Grateful today for:
1. Survivors (of many kinds) who exhibit resilience and the strength of the human spirit
2. the return of winter (without a snow day!)
3. technology that allows me to safari and share and so many things that wouldn't be possible in a different format

At the End of Our Exploring

Catching up! Valentine's was spent with the guys I love instead of blogging and yesterday was spent evaluating presentations. I still read the journal each morning so I can consider the meaning as I go through my day. I didn't have a lot to say about either, so it's just as well.

But today is about slaying dragons. As a librarian and avid reader I can think of many dragon stories, but I wasn't a real fan of fantasy until the Harry Potter series (no comments from my friends about the cheesy novel fantasies often found in my proximity!). Even the Hobbit did not entice me the way the Lord of the Rings series did. (I recall forcing myself to put the book down at 2:30 a.m. while I was student teaching). But I understand the symbology not only in literature but in Asian mythology and New Year's celebrations. What do we fear? Our fears seem to breathe fire; fear can hide a horde treasure of both the literal and figurative kind; and fear can either by hiding in a dark cave or coming swooping in from above without warning.

The point that resonated with me was "the real fear, the one that sends shivers up our spines; the fear of succeeding, of becoming our authentic selves and facing the changes that will inevitably bring". Yikes! As indicated, sometimes it's easier to stick with the familiar than to move forward. I have found that relationships that I once could not have fathomed not having are a distanct memory. And this awareness makes the trip scary. There will be loss. It doesn't matter that what is to be gained is worth the trip, the thought of loss now can be a hindrance. The trick is to honor what once was, to delight in the part it played in our journey without mourning the loss of what had to be. As personal authenticity becomes a reality, others may either  find a path more distant than ours or not have the desire, or courage, to join the journey. Sometimes friendships are for a season. And that season can be fondly remembered. Which makes those relationships that remain steady through the journey all the more precious. I"m learning not to judge, either the people or the relationships, but look for what I was to have learned, why my path meandered that way. And send both parties on their way with blessings. The experiences will make the story worth telling.

Grateful today for:
1. a weekend of possibilities
2. my comfortable office chair (Christmas gift from Bennett that I sit in way more than I would like!)
3. Kids that get excited about nature (your kids are awesome Steph!)