In This Stillness

Today's meditation covered the importance of committing to writing intentions. Lucky I have a blog for that! The suggestion was to review the list before meditation with intention, which will then release the intentions. Lists I can do. Intention I have. The stillness of meditation I still need. 

I am not a still person. While I think that I have grown in my ability to reflect before speaking and acting, to respond to situations with more calm and control than I would have thought possible, apparently that is not what I present to the world. A friend and I were shopping and I was looking at paint colors for the living room. I want blue. A nice full bodies blue. Not white tinted blue. We were discussing the color, her taking my husband's position that blue is too cold to be in a living room. I find blue peaceful and calming. Her response was that I'm never calm! Huh. I feel calm most of the time. So what is the disconnect between my intention and my projection.

Stillness. How to be still. I came close a decade ago. My yoga practice had evolved to something beyond asanas and was meditative before I even really understood meditation. Until grief. I lost my beloved grandmother suddenly. There were other life crisis at the time but this was the impetus. For when I am still, there is no place for the depth of emotions to hide. Overwhelming. I move quickly because I like to move. I talk quickly because I am passionate about the things that I do. I work continuously because there is always something to do. It's why committing to this meditation is my Lenten practice. My sacrifice to make the connection with spirit.

So what am I afraid that I will find in that stillness? I'm about to find out. There is one week left in the meditation challenge. My intention is to use that time to practice stillness. As I practice, my intention is to project the strength and calm that I truly feel inside to those with whom I am present. My intention is to celebrate my strength while honoring that inside that needs stillness to connect. With these intentions my family, home and work will benefit from the best of me that is released. Apparently it's going to be the hard stuff this next week.

Today I am grateful for my dog. She asks so little of me, yet is always a calm, loving presence. Which doesn't mean that she doesn't get excited and crazy. I guess I really do just need to be more like my dog! 

Are you avoiding the stillness? The place that allows nothing to be hidden? Have you figured out why? What will you do this week to embrace the stillness?