I have been mulling over Saturday's centering thought before blogging. This is a stopper for me. So much so that I've repeated this meditation instead of moving on. "As I let go of the need to arrange my life, the Universe brings abundant good to me". I have a profound need to arrange my life. Some might say I need to have control. I have done enough study and reflection to know where this need comes from and I truly believe that this has been an area of personal growth. Perhaps it is the way this thought is phrased that has me continuing to turn it over and over, exploring the nuances and applications. There is a difference between relinquishing control on certain areas or situations and truly letting go of the need. For me this sense of order, control, arrangement; whatever you want to call it, is a self-preservation tool. Apparently it's time to move past this strategy.
The point of reference for me becomes looking beyond myself. The application of allowing everyone to become who and what they are. And honoring all that they are, not what I want them to become. As a parent this rings true. So often our hopes and dreams for our children do not manifest in the way that we imagine. That does mean that we are less, or that they have failed. I think I need to go back and read again Kahlil Gibran's essay on children. The concept of the parents as the bow that sends forth the arrow child implies that we have control over where they land. But really it's in the hands of the archer that guides and directs the arrow. This realization began this week as I encouraged my family to join me in the meditation challenge and felt rejection by their disinterest. But when I talked about what meditation was doing for me, both my husband and son expressed that playing the piano did the same thing for them. There I went, trying to control even their meditative practice! Today, I will continue working on honoring those I love for all of the wonderful things that they are instead of what I think they can become. And just maybe, through the process, I will learn to apply the principles to myself.
This is such an important principle... my first thought was "I'm not there yet." And maybe that is a cop-out, I don't know. But it feels like too much of my life has been out of my control for the last few years and I have to create some order out of the chaos. Maybe trying to create order is just contributing to the chaos? I don't know.
ReplyDeleteI do appreciate the centered feeling after meditating in the morning and plan to stick with it as much as I can. I think I'm going to purchase the series and do this again over the holidays to keep my focus on the blessings I have and not get caught up in the consumerism.