I remarked on a friend's Facebook post yesterday that 90% of the time I have no difficulty approaching and living life with joy and gratitude. But oh, that other 10%! It can feel like much more. Even in the best of times. In the current limitations and challenges posed by the pandemic, that 10% feels greater, the depths of which require much intention and focus.
This morning I woke up feeling like a 10% day. It is Friday, it is gloomy, it is cold and windy. I lay in my bed, turning over to block out the light from the window, and sighed, wishing I could just snuggle in until my mood shifted. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) that isn't an option. Friday is still a work day and I still have plenty of work to do. As I laid there in the quiet of my bedroom, I heard the birds singing. Picking out the notes of a cardinal and red-winged blackbirds almost made me smile. Not quite, but almost! It is their season. They begin every day in spring with a song, attracting mates, warning off competitors. If it's cold, they simply puff up their feathers, trapping heat close to their bodies. My equivalent of a wool sweater. But the song continues regardless, sending happy notes to any willing to listen.
My morning routine, now that I am working from home, includes checking email and social media before getting out of bed. Probably not the best practice, but allows me to organize my day. As I clicked on the Facebook page, my "memories" popped up. The first memory was from a friend, posting on my page that she had seen two baltimore orioles on the way home. Birds again. One of my many nerdy pleasures. I hope everyone has "that friend". That friend that joins you in whatever nerdy things finds you pleasure. Yesterday I posted a video of a tortoise sliding down a hill on her page. She's the one I text when I see the first snake in spring. Suddenly, the joy of our friendship brought a renewal of spirit. Grateful for a nerdy friend to share the joy I find in nature.
Friday, May 8, 2020
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
Sounds of Spring - Day 12 Shelter in Place
A friend posted a great reminder about gratitude this morning. The most important aspect is the finding of things to be grateful for, it is in the practice of looking those things for which to be grateful. Linking gratitude to emotional intelligence, it is a build it like a muscle situation. The more you look, the more you develop a practice of being grateful and the easier it comes.
But let's be honest. In the best of times, it can be difficult to be watchful for gratitude. In a pandemic? It can feel like another "to do" item on a list that seems insurmountable. All the more reason to develop it like a muscle. Yesterday was difficult for me. No good reason beyond the current state of affairs. Well, perhaps the added discouragement of temps in the thirties with rain to close out March. And that sun? Mr. Golden Sun? Yeah, he wasn't around. I gave myself permission to hunker down, read a book, chat with my brother. But I didn't intentionally focus on gratitude.
Today loomed in the much the same gloomy manner. But I began my day with meditation, devotions and a workout. Made it to the office in time (that dining room table can be a long walk!) and dressed in a blouse and real pants! Determined to put my best foot forward. As the day wore on, the gray skies outside were feeling like they were inside. It is difficult to not be focused on the many negative realities (increased infection rate and deaths, very real possibility of social isolating being months, not weeks). Closing the computer early evening, I knew I needed outdoor time for my body and soul. Noelle and I headed to our local loop to catch a couple of trail miles.
The sun, trying to peek out, seemed as discourage as I felt. As Noelle and I made our way around the loop, I suddenly remembered the social media post from this morning. The power is in the looking. As these thoughts were coming, I rounded a corner to a very low, marshy area of the trail, to an eruption of chorus from spring peepers. The combined voices create a vibrating hum in the air, not dissimilar to locusts on a hot summer day. As I soaked up the song, I thought about the other sounds I had heard on the trail. The loud, raspy cry of the kingfisher. The water gurgling along drainage paths to the river. This week I had been focusing on the absence of the sun. The visual signs of spring. In my quest for gratitude I encountered the sounds of spring. All it took was this intentional looking. to see a connection to signs that the world is moving forward, life is continuing.
Today I am grateful for:
But let's be honest. In the best of times, it can be difficult to be watchful for gratitude. In a pandemic? It can feel like another "to do" item on a list that seems insurmountable. All the more reason to develop it like a muscle. Yesterday was difficult for me. No good reason beyond the current state of affairs. Well, perhaps the added discouragement of temps in the thirties with rain to close out March. And that sun? Mr. Golden Sun? Yeah, he wasn't around. I gave myself permission to hunker down, read a book, chat with my brother. But I didn't intentionally focus on gratitude.
Today loomed in the much the same gloomy manner. But I began my day with meditation, devotions and a workout. Made it to the office in time (that dining room table can be a long walk!) and dressed in a blouse and real pants! Determined to put my best foot forward. As the day wore on, the gray skies outside were feeling like they were inside. It is difficult to not be focused on the many negative realities (increased infection rate and deaths, very real possibility of social isolating being months, not weeks). Closing the computer early evening, I knew I needed outdoor time for my body and soul. Noelle and I headed to our local loop to catch a couple of trail miles.
The sun, trying to peek out, seemed as discourage as I felt. As Noelle and I made our way around the loop, I suddenly remembered the social media post from this morning. The power is in the looking. As these thoughts were coming, I rounded a corner to a very low, marshy area of the trail, to an eruption of chorus from spring peepers. The combined voices create a vibrating hum in the air, not dissimilar to locusts on a hot summer day. As I soaked up the song, I thought about the other sounds I had heard on the trail. The loud, raspy cry of the kingfisher. The water gurgling along drainage paths to the river. This week I had been focusing on the absence of the sun. The visual signs of spring. In my quest for gratitude I encountered the sounds of spring. All it took was this intentional looking. to see a connection to signs that the world is moving forward, life is continuing.
Today I am grateful for:
- Peepers in their glorious spring, mating chorus.
- The squish of mud on spring trails that keeps the less than hardy from making them a crowded space.
- Social media posts that inspire. (Don't be afraid to scroll, scroll, scroll, past those that don't!)
Saturday, March 28, 2020
What Gratitude is Not
A friend posted a "real" Facebook post last night. The kind that says I am struggling here, but I'm going to count my blessings. I felt my heart flooding with gratitude as I read her words, her strength in reaching out to her community. To "keeping it real". In this time of sheltering and isolation I hear many people thoughtfully considering how they might invest this gift of time. In that post, it felt like asking for permission. Permission to not be doing everything right, to acknowledge the difficulty of the moment. It reminded me of the mantra that is emerging from Glennon Doyle's latest book Untamed: We Can Do Hard Things! Oh yes, we can. But we can't do them by pretending everything, including us, is just fine.
I remember the first time I practiced guided meditation. It was on a besties trip to Colorado to celebrate our year of turning 40 (no need to discuss how long ago it was). We rented a great house and one day had a woman come out to give us massages and lead us in a group meditation. I have difficulty with stillness. Not in an ADHD, knee shaking, toe tapping, kind of way. In a truly relaxing of expectations and the need to be productive way. What she shared has stuck with me as a lesson that reaches further than meditative practice. The idea is not to be free from thoughts. That is not how we are created. Thoughts will come, even in the stillness. Acknowledge the thought, for until we do it is not free to go.
Thoughts will come during this season that are not of gratitude. Well meaning admonishments, memes and social media posts that compare our current privilege (for some) reality of shelter in place to that of Anne Frank's time hidden in an attic, or the loss of a significant rite of passage for our high school seniors to those who didn't finish their senior year in the late 60's because they were sent to Vietnam are abundant. These do not serve as a call to gratitude. I can't say it as well as Brene Brown, so I'm going to send you to her new podcast "Unlocking Us", the FFT episode (I will let you discover what "FFT" stands for). We are all experiencing this for the first time. High school seniors need to have their very real loss acknowledged, not compared to past sacrifice. Parents staying at home, working and trying to school their children need acknowledgement of the stress of this new ask, even while yes being grateful that they have a home and food and, you get it. Let's partner with one another in acknowledging the feelings that come from this FFT stress. In doing so, we can find our way back to gratitude.
Today I am grateful for:
I remember the first time I practiced guided meditation. It was on a besties trip to Colorado to celebrate our year of turning 40 (no need to discuss how long ago it was). We rented a great house and one day had a woman come out to give us massages and lead us in a group meditation. I have difficulty with stillness. Not in an ADHD, knee shaking, toe tapping, kind of way. In a truly relaxing of expectations and the need to be productive way. What she shared has stuck with me as a lesson that reaches further than meditative practice. The idea is not to be free from thoughts. That is not how we are created. Thoughts will come, even in the stillness. Acknowledge the thought, for until we do it is not free to go.
Thoughts will come during this season that are not of gratitude. Well meaning admonishments, memes and social media posts that compare our current privilege (for some) reality of shelter in place to that of Anne Frank's time hidden in an attic, or the loss of a significant rite of passage for our high school seniors to those who didn't finish their senior year in the late 60's because they were sent to Vietnam are abundant. These do not serve as a call to gratitude. I can't say it as well as Brene Brown, so I'm going to send you to her new podcast "Unlocking Us", the FFT episode (I will let you discover what "FFT" stands for). We are all experiencing this for the first time. High school seniors need to have their very real loss acknowledged, not compared to past sacrifice. Parents staying at home, working and trying to school their children need acknowledgement of the stress of this new ask, even while yes being grateful that they have a home and food and, you get it. Let's partner with one another in acknowledging the feelings that come from this FFT stress. In doing so, we can find our way back to gratitude.
Today I am grateful for:
- A comfortable home, with a good supply of what is both necessary and luxury at this time.
- While I acknowledge that being sheltered in place alone is, well, lonely.
- Technology that keeps me working and socially connected.
- While frustrated by the continuous stream of negativity.
- My fierce friends, will to be real in this moment.
- While wishing I could see their faces and hug them close.
We Can Do Hard Things. If we just stop pretending things aren't hard.
Thursday, March 19, 2020
Day 3-Remote Working and Social Distancing
In what feels like the precipitating event to a dystopian novel, the COVID-19 virus pandemic is creating a history in the moment reality. With countries under mandatory shelter and seclusion, travel limited, business shifting to work at home or closure, it is a very different world. As an education administrator, we are working to stay connected to our students and provide staff with training and support to continue to engage our students in learning. This shift is like nothing we have experienced before! One suggestion I read, for kids and adults, was to journal this time. This unprecedented, ever shifting, reality is one that is worth documenting.
So day three of remote working. Let's set the scene. First, I get energy from social interaction. I enjoy physical touch and connection. I want to be with those I love, laughing and talking and sharing. My living companion? My sweet dog Noelle (we call her Smooch). She is loving. And cuddly. Let's just say on day three, with rumors that the suggested social distancing are soon to become a more mandated leave your house only for essential services, there is growing concern of the coming days with just the two of us.
On day one of remote work I scheduled myself as if I were going to work. The release from my 50 minute commute meant I was able to begin using a new meditation app, read my four daily readings, get in a circuit workout and still be showered and in front of my computer by 7:30 a.m. I was on a roll! Rolled downhill from that point. I used to think my shift to administration meant a lot of sit time. Nothing compared to coordinating and connecting virtually. I won't bore you with the number of hours. Let's just say lack of commute time was not time harnessed for personal gain!
Day two began with me waking up at 4:30 (that is when the group texts and Snapchats begin), ignoring emails and texts until 5:00, then productively responding for almost an hour. Realizing I was still tired, I rolled over and went back to sleep. Until my son returned my text at 7:15! The late start resulting in no morning workout, recording screencasts for staff in no make up, a hoody and flannel pajama bottoms, and not being in front of my computer until 8:00 a.m. In reality, there was much accomplished in that day, but I was left feeling constantly behind.
Which brings us to day three. Today. I needed to find a more harmonious approach, especially as this quite possibly will extend beyond the two-three weeks originally intended. I gave myself some grace. Slept until 6 a.m. Still had plenty of time to meditate, read, work out and shower. But I allowed myself an 8:00 a.m. at the computer start time instead of 7:30. I also decided that I was not going to spend my semi-quarantine time becoming a sloth. I have enjoyed creating a wardrobe that I love over the past two years. So I chose a comfortable dress, pulled out my flower earrings in celebration of almost spring, put on my pearl necklace and bracelet, and got down to business. It helped. Especially because this was the first day of truly considering what life will be like alone during quarantine. It can be an overwhelming thought. One that I allowed myself to feel, without judgement, before setting my gaze on the spaces of gratitude that will bring my focus back to joy.
What are your fears as we enter this new space? What are you doing to practice grace and to order your day?
Today I am grateful for wonderful friends, who care to connect with me during this time, and the technology that makes it possible.
So day three of remote working. Let's set the scene. First, I get energy from social interaction. I enjoy physical touch and connection. I want to be with those I love, laughing and talking and sharing. My living companion? My sweet dog Noelle (we call her Smooch). She is loving. And cuddly. Let's just say on day three, with rumors that the suggested social distancing are soon to become a more mandated leave your house only for essential services, there is growing concern of the coming days with just the two of us.On day one of remote work I scheduled myself as if I were going to work. The release from my 50 minute commute meant I was able to begin using a new meditation app, read my four daily readings, get in a circuit workout and still be showered and in front of my computer by 7:30 a.m. I was on a roll! Rolled downhill from that point. I used to think my shift to administration meant a lot of sit time. Nothing compared to coordinating and connecting virtually. I won't bore you with the number of hours. Let's just say lack of commute time was not time harnessed for personal gain!
Day two began with me waking up at 4:30 (that is when the group texts and Snapchats begin), ignoring emails and texts until 5:00, then productively responding for almost an hour. Realizing I was still tired, I rolled over and went back to sleep. Until my son returned my text at 7:15! The late start resulting in no morning workout, recording screencasts for staff in no make up, a hoody and flannel pajama bottoms, and not being in front of my computer until 8:00 a.m. In reality, there was much accomplished in that day, but I was left feeling constantly behind.
Which brings us to day three. Today. I needed to find a more harmonious approach, especially as this quite possibly will extend beyond the two-three weeks originally intended. I gave myself some grace. Slept until 6 a.m. Still had plenty of time to meditate, read, work out and shower. But I allowed myself an 8:00 a.m. at the computer start time instead of 7:30. I also decided that I was not going to spend my semi-quarantine time becoming a sloth. I have enjoyed creating a wardrobe that I love over the past two years. So I chose a comfortable dress, pulled out my flower earrings in celebration of almost spring, put on my pearl necklace and bracelet, and got down to business. It helped. Especially because this was the first day of truly considering what life will be like alone during quarantine. It can be an overwhelming thought. One that I allowed myself to feel, without judgement, before setting my gaze on the spaces of gratitude that will bring my focus back to joy.What are your fears as we enter this new space? What are you doing to practice grace and to order your day?
Today I am grateful for wonderful friends, who care to connect with me during this time, and the technology that makes it possible.
Friday, February 14, 2020
Counting the Ways of Love
How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)
Elizabeth Barrett Browning 1806-1861
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth, and breadth, and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being, and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, and tears of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall love thee but better after death.
This sonnet by Browning is what comes to mind whenever I think of love, and what better day to think of love than Valentine's Day. While it has never been a big, romantic celebration for me, the focus on love makes me smile. So today, I am grateful for the messages, gestures and stories of love that crossed my path including:
- beginning my day with a simple message of "have a good day" from a friend.
- a handmade valentine from a bestie, with a picture from a girls trip.
- a container of strawberries and a beautiful card from my parents (no candy in support of my "off the sugar"plan).
- brewed loose leaf tea from my son, served in a cup from my bonus daughter and her family.
Love lost is also difficult on these days of celebration. These stories were also evident in
- the loss of a beloved family pet.
- a granddaughter carrying on the tradition of a heart shaped cake for her grandfather on his first Valentine's Day since the passing of his wife.
- a shared vacation picture of a friend and her husband who passed unexpectedly.
A friend has started sharing daily devotionals that she writes. I can think of no better words than what Laura has already written:
Love is powerful and extraordinary. Love becomes even more unbelievable and awe-inducing when it is shown to us in the simplest of ways. Just in case you have forgotten, or you haven’t been told lately- You are loved. You are worthy. May you feel loved and inspired to perform magic as you love others.
Saturday, January 25, 2020
January Rain
Rain in January makes me crabby. True confession. I've intentionally sought to identify the feeling it brings over the past couple of day. It isn't depression. I truly don't deal with seasonal affective issues, enjoying time outside in all kinds of weather. The sun actually was shining quite beautifully for several days at the beginning of the week. It isn't a sadness, as I still find myself quickly smiling at the thought of those I love, a funny text or Snapchat. It truly is just crabby. Like grumbling as I walk through the house, closing doors with a bit more strength than necessary, stomping to the car kind of crabby. The good news is that Noelle is very tolerant of mood swings and she is the only one that has to live with me during this crabby season.I felt compared to share my crabbiness after a theme emerged from my social media this week. The pressure to live a life that compares with those we follow on social media. We tend to link this to the increased anxiety and mental health issues of our children and teens, but the truth is that is influencing our society in general. As I reflected on this, I thought about what I curate about the "social me". The truth, as those that know me personally will attest, is that I am a glass is 3/4 full, grateful for the life I live person by nature. Fitting for someone who seems more caffeinated from early morning than those who truly are (true story, previous boss threatened to fire me if I every took up the coffee habit. But that is a story for a different post.) I didn't share the end of my marriage, I don't post the nights when I am not only home alone but also lonely, or decided to turn off the 5 a.m. alarm and skip a morning work out. In fact, my original idea for a "gray skies" post was an uplifting, find the beauty even in this season encouragement inspired by a drive home from work in which the gray skies revealed such shades and texture I could not help but smile. Gray skies I truly do find beautiful, in all 50+ shades.
So in full transparency, I share with you my crabbiness. I have not been very smiley the past two days. I am more than a bit bitter that this rain isn't snow. It's January for goodness sake. We need softly falling snowflakes that extend the glitter of the holiday season. The challenge then, is not whether or not we never have crabby, blue or sad days. It is what with do with them. I chose to pull up my fitness app and do my circuit training at night when I skipped it in the morning. I came home from yoga this morning and made myself the same breakfast I would have made if my son were here and I wanted to share a beautiful table with him. I made myself move, and treated myself with the same care I would anyone else I love. This is true self care. Yes, I'm still feeling crabby. But not quite so much. Noelle and I will be out on a trail this afternoon, regardless of the weather. Most likeley I will start the hike still crabby, until I bring my attention to gratitude for the opportunity to be outdoors, in a place I love. Even if I'm walking in January rain instead of snow.
Saturday, January 18, 2020
Still Life- A Breakfast Composed
The beauty of still life art is it inspires a new way to view ordinary objects. Most often, still art features a combination of inanimate objects, both natural and man made. Fruit in a bowl. Flowers in a vase. Wine bottles, cheese and fruit. The form allows for the play of composition of the objects, arranging and rearranging. I was reminded of this as I sat at my dining table for breakfast this morning.
Starting my day with gratitude, purposefully identifying and reflecting on specific things to be grateful for, is my meditative practice. This image, let's call it A Breakfast Composed, represents so many items of gratitude. The more traditional images of pottery fruit bowl and butter dish are made by a family friend. The linen is from my trip to Italy last year. The cup in front of my plate was a birthday gift from my Chief Heroine, Jill, while the cup in front of my son's plate is from a conference I participated in for several years. The tea was brewed in the new loose leaf brewing pot my son gave me for Christmas and the trivet was made for me by my brother-in-law. I have never been attached to or motivated by "things", preferring experiences and connections with people I love. This still life image does not represent a love of the "things" pictured. It represents purposefully curating simple things so that even a breakfast, not on china, represents the blessings of my life. Surrounded by by love, represented by objects.
My still life image does break tradition in that I have included a glimpse of my son. Indulge me, as I am ever more grateful for the times that we share now that he has officially moved to adulthood and out of my home. So much to be grateful for on a quiet, snowy morning. What are you grateful for as you start your day?
Starting my day with gratitude, purposefully identifying and reflecting on specific things to be grateful for, is my meditative practice. This image, let's call it A Breakfast Composed, represents so many items of gratitude. The more traditional images of pottery fruit bowl and butter dish are made by a family friend. The linen is from my trip to Italy last year. The cup in front of my plate was a birthday gift from my Chief Heroine, Jill, while the cup in front of my son's plate is from a conference I participated in for several years. The tea was brewed in the new loose leaf brewing pot my son gave me for Christmas and the trivet was made for me by my brother-in-law. I have never been attached to or motivated by "things", preferring experiences and connections with people I love. This still life image does not represent a love of the "things" pictured. It represents purposefully curating simple things so that even a breakfast, not on china, represents the blessings of my life. Surrounded by by love, represented by objects.
My still life image does break tradition in that I have included a glimpse of my son. Indulge me, as I am ever more grateful for the times that we share now that he has officially moved to adulthood and out of my home. So much to be grateful for on a quiet, snowy morning. What are you grateful for as you start your day?
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