What Do You Notice?

I struggle between being grateful that I have a nice little wooded trail close to my home and lamenting the fact that it is the only one. And it's short. With very few hills or significant inclines. So my gratitude is often broken by the desire to have access to the hills of Northern Lower Michigan, walking the North Country Trail along rivers and up and down hills, using switchbacks, traversing ravines, often being far enough from main traffic sources that I can experience the quiet, solitude and serenity of nature.

In my ongoing attempt to be grateful for where I am, in the moment, I have made a conscious effort to notice my everyday trail as the seasons change. The picky, weedy shrubs of summer are transformed to shades of raspberry during the dead of winter.

Isn't it beautiful how nature reveals her colors throughout the seasons #naturetherapy #puremichigan #miched

A photo posted by Rachelle Wynkoop (@rachellewynkoop) on Dec 12, 2015 at 11:15am PST

This time of dormancy, often seen as cold and lifeless, reveals the beauty hidden in the lush greenness of late spring and summer, or the colorful expression of fall.


As I discover little things on a path that I have traversed for years but never noticed, like this heart stump and heart on a tree, it makes me wonder if I am also missing those subtle details in those I love.

#Imperfectheartsareperfect #remembrance ##always

A photo posted by Rachelle Wynkoop (@rachellewynkoop) on Mar 19, 2016 at 9:22am PDT

Am I noticing the details that could change my practice at work? How I spend my time? Am I choosing to focus on what I may have missed instead of lamenting that this life is too routine? My prayer tonight is that like the discoveries on the trail, I keep my eyes and heart open to noticing the subtle expressions that make the people I encounter routinely unique.

On Behalf of a Grateful Nation

 I am honored to be surrounded by veterans. My husband was a Marine, my brother retired from the Navy SeaBees, my uncle is a Vietnam veteran, grandpa served in the Philipines during World War II; so I grew up with a respect for flag and service. But I watch the struggle to acclimate to civilian life, to living in a family, after experiences of combat. I've been wrestling with what our nation, or any nation really, asks of the men and women who serve in military. What it takes to become a soldier, battle ready.

My nephew, Capt. Jonathan Wynkoop, was killed during military exercises on March 31st of this year. He is my sister-in-law and brother-in-law's only child. He leaves behind his wife and three beautiful children.

A moving part of a military funeral is the presentation of a flag to the solder's surviving family. Sitting next to my in-laws during Jonathan's funeral allowed me to experience this moment. So bittersweet. After the playing of Taps, the flag that has been draped over the casket is folded, with military precision, and then presented to the family. A soldier, kneeling in front of the widow, mother or next of kin, looks the family member in the eye and repeats these words...

"This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army as a token of appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service."

What will remain with me of this day, is the unwavering voice of the solider presenting the flag. In difficult circumstances, in the presence of pure grief, we once again ask our soldiers to conduct themselves beyond the emotion of the moment. To look a loved one in the eye and say "On Behalf of a Grateful Nation". God bless the soldiers that answer not only the call to protect our nation, but to serve in these moments of ceremony.

Love and Remembrance my sweet nephew.

We Become What We Believe

"In today’s meditation, we learn that our beliefs are always in motion, constantly influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Our unconscious beliefs are always affecting us as well. To use the power of belief to our greatest benefit, we need to become self-aware. In doing so, we attune our beliefs to our deepest spiritual aspirations."

Meditation is not a practice that I do well. Even my stillness often comes in movement, which is why I try to find trail time most every day. So here I am again, learning through meditation and growing my practice. It is a form of self awareness, but not what I assume Deepak meant in the quote above. Just as beliefs are always in motion, so are my thoughts. How do we become self aware? Is part of the awareness an awakening to our "deepest spiritual aspirations" or should we already be aware of this aspirations and align our beliefs in order to manifest? Stilling my mind always means an explosion of questioning thoughts!

My deepest spiritual aspirations have evolved. At one time, the emphasis would have been an influence on the salvation of souls; but as my beliefs have separated from the faith of my childhood I find myself focusing on working on my own growth. Spiritually, I aspire to bring peace with my presence. If I am living in each moment, then spirit may use me. The shift in emphasis for me is instead of doing, or responsibility, it is a matter of being.

So my fellow Meditators, what is your spiritual aspiration? And how do you work to become self-aware?

Thankfulness and gratitude today for the great team I work with. We are afforded many opportunities to practice being in the moment!

What's In A Name?

"A name is important. It isn't something you drop in the litter basket or on the ground. Your name is how people know you. The very mention of your name makes a picture spring to mind, whether it's a picture of clashing fists or a mighty mountain that can't be knocked down. Your name is who you are and how you're known even when you do something great or something dumb."  ~Rita Williams-Garcia from One Crazy Summer

For the past five years, it has been my honor and privilege to participate in a memorial event for those who have suffered pregnancy and infant loss. I remember the first year was so bittersweet, having lost my niece Phoebe after only one month with us. My sister partnered with a woman that was planning the event and it has become a family commitment from the first. The memorial gives space to the grief and remembrance necessary as part of the healing process. While emotionally difficult, every year there is a special story or family that attends for the first time, getting the support they need, in just the right way and at just the right time. An important part of the event is remembering and honoring the babies by name. This has been my contribution, speaking the names of the infants and babies lost as we remember them through wish paper, the lighting of a candle or some other memorial ritual. The speaking of the babies names is important, I think, because it doesn't happen often. For many years, people handled loss by not speaking of loss or remembering the child. But for a grieving heart, someone holding space in remembrance, especially by speaking a name, turns an every day practice, speaking a name, into a sacred event.

This year, my son agreed to record the stories of any parents who wished to share in remembrance. There were two moms who talked with Bennett while being recorded. I share with you in the video below the story of Elsie. My heart is full in gratitude that I was given the privilege to be the first to speak her name.

As we enter this holiday season, be kind in remembrance of those who are grieving, especially the loss of a child. Whether a new reality or decades old, the holidays can bring a fresh depth to the pain. I am grateful today, for the lessons I have learned from my friends and my sister who have lost a child or children and manage to continue to figure out how to continue to contribute to the betterment of our world. May they be blessed as they have blessed me.

Using Props

I've been an intermittent yoga enthusiast for close to 15 years now. My practice has peaks and valleys. Has been abandoned and resurged. The first time I stepped back was after my grandmother had passed. Yoga had become as much a meditative practice as a physical practice and I found that I had to check my engagement in classes as the grief would overwhelm me during savasana (or corpse pose). Yoga was the practice that made me love my body even when I was dealing with health issues that felt as if my body was betraying me. Several years of pain and discomfort where alleviated during practice and help me focus on the beautiful poses, breath and calm my body could create instead of the pieces that weren't functioning. I carry with me meditation, breath, and focusing on the current experience even when my physical practice is lacking.

Throughout my years of practice, I've taken a certain pride in being flexible enough to not use "props" (blocks, belts, blankets, etc) in my practice. Yes, I know this is contrary to a yoga practice! It is not a place for pride. But there you have it. There were years the only positive body experience I felt was through yoga and I clung with pride to the little my body was giving me. There comes a time, on this path of mindfulness, when areas of pride will need to be dealt with. Me and me prop-less practice were about to meet an end.

Photo Courtesy of Jivamukti Yoga School NYC

I have a tribe that keeps me connected and accountable. Most are friends from high school. One of my amazing friends is a yoga instructor and massage therapist. And so much more! Her teaching style combines her training in several areas to an eclectic experience like none other. On the few occassions that my visits coincide with her teaching schedule I proudly become her student. On my last visit, we started our Sunday morning in a lovely little yoga studio. Props were being placed by mats and grabbed by regulars. I followed my usual routine of ignoring the props. But Amy was a 4th grader teacher before she became a yoga teacher. She knows what her students need and gives it to them! Props were placed by my mat as we opened class. What followed was an experience that left me with so much pride, not in my practice but in the teaching of my friend. Our class was not the usual flow. We began with using the props, in this case blocks and rolled blankets, to open our bodies. To feel the grounding as the movement shifted. It was never about flexibility, but about experimenting, grounding and connecting your body to the practice to come. The asanas were limited in number and time held, but were in alignment and connected in a way I have rarely experienced. I smiled, listening to the other students talk about how they appreciate Amy's methods and love her classes.

As with all things that pride holds, letting go is both difficult and freeing. Reflecting on my "props" shunning I realized that it made me feel good that I had flexibility even when not in regular practice. Letting go of concern of perceptions of others and excuses for my shortcomings applies to much more than my yoga practice. As ever, plenty of work to still to be done!

Today, I am grateful for:

• My "tribe" 

Missing a few!

• My body, which continues to reveal limitations and strength in equal measure
• My new view of "props"

Curvy Girl

Back in February, in a way that can only happen in the social media age, an educator that I am connected to through Twitter sent me a link to a cool business called Outdoor BookClub, with the message "this seems right up your alley". And it was. Created by Chief Heroine Jill, the company connects with women with outdoor adventures and books.  An upcoming adventure was a Backpacking 101 weekend. So I convinced two of my besties, Amy and Pamela, to come with me.

What an adventure! First, it was cold. Like wear your cold gear (including wool hat and socks) in your mummy bag while trying to sleep. Yet even with the cold it was so much fun. I've enjoyed camping every since I could remember, and would hike every day if time and trails were available, so backpacking is a great fit for me.

One aspect of the weekend that was very helpful was trying different equipment. A few basic staples can make backpacking safe and fun. For me, I realized a good pack, mummy bag, cooking system and water purification would be priorities. There were a lot of discussions about backpacks and proper fit. After the weekend, knowing if I enjoyed it that much in the cold it was something I wanted to do more, I began my quest for a backpack. Not much of a shopper, I was excited while going through an outdoor mall to see a ........... store. Literally skipping in, with credit card in hand, I was ready to purchase. A just excited sales girl (yeah, she could see the credit card) was happily chatting about trails, packs and all things outdoors as we started going through the choices. And then it happened, the measurement. I was spun around while a back measuring device was put up against my spine. And I hear...."oh". Well, we're not going to be able to get you a back today. Yes, being "hobbit sized" (my dear son's term for me) makes life challenging in many ways. She went on to explain that my back is small enough that I could probably use a child's pack, but with my "curves" it wouldn't be a good fit. Rest assured, packs come in XS, which she said I almost measured as, and she could get some shipped to the store in no time. A bit deflated, I put the credit card away, thanked her and left without gear.

Fast forward two weeks. My sister is in town and needs to do some "real" shopping (apparently her northern woods peace camp does not offer all a baby needs). An outdoor store was close, so I talked her into going with me, having been assured that as a bigger store XS would be in stock. Imagine my delight when looking through the packs I actually did find an XS! Up comes the "helpful" staff, and I assure him I want a backpack and just need to find the right fit. I had done my research and was fairly confident in the brand/size I was interested in, but wanted to check my options. As I relayed the story of being measured, and the difficult being I needed an XS pack, he gave my a very thorough up and down peruse and assured me "you are not an extra small". There then were several awkward moments while he explained that I would actually need the hip belt to fit around me and buckle. To assure you that I am not exaggerating, my sister finally stopped him and asked how bags were measured. Is it the length of the back or the size of the hips? The length of the back he assured her. Losing her patientce, she then "nicely" asked him to please go get me the XS for me to try. In an Abbott and Costello experience, I went between two salespeople. One assuring me I couldn't fit an XS and the other telling me every XS I tried on was the perfect fit. Finally, having determined that I could not get rid of the two inch gap at my shoulders with the S, even with 20# stuffed inside, I went with the XS.

On a side note, there is 4-5 inches of extra belt length, on each side of the hip belt, in my XS. Yes, I am curvy. No, I can't fit in children's gear (well, expect for that bargain on the youth mummy bag!). My curves are enjoying the pack, and the room to adjust the belt, just fine.

Curly Haired Confessions

I was quite excited when I realized that my previously made hair appointment fell the night before a recorded interview for work. My joy this morning as I was planning for the Skype conversation made me stop and think about my relationship with fashion and "all things girly" (I really am a good boy mom). Fashion sense and style are not my strong suit, unless "clean and neat" is a new trend. So when I knew that my hair would be professionally styled for the interview (read: straightened) it had me thinking about this video that I watched a few months ago.

My experience with hair is that I'm just not good at styling. All right, honestly, I would rather spend 20 minutes reading or doing yoga in the morning than working on my hair. I've always had a natural wave to my hair, but starting in my mid twenties the curls began to take over. I love my curls. When tamed with a good product they are bouncy, hold well when put up, and take about 3 minutes to comb and apply product.

But I get different responses when my hair is styled straight. I've never been complimented for my head of curls, but often have people comment when it is straight. In fact, when using a profile picture on Twitter that had straight hair, I actually had to tweet out a disclaimer at a conference because everyone I met told me the same thing. "You don't look like your picture".  So, I tool a selfie out on the trail, smiling, and that seemed to do the trick.
                               


Why do we value as a society a sleek, polished look? Why is hair another feature that girls stress over? I don't know, but I know that we can change the perception girls have of their bodies and image. I, for one, am going to love my curls. Not just for me, but for my niece Sam and all the other girls out there who, like in the video, fail to see their natural beauty. Besides, curls are much easier on the trail!